Memories Ch. 23

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The rain pelted down on him, cold and harsh. He shivered, and closed his eyes; almost happy to be done with everything. Just a few more centimeters and then he would not have to worry about anything anymore.

Then something heavy dropped down into the creek bed; mud and rain water splashed over his face. He lifted his head and opened his eyes as he looked up. A girl was standing over him, her brown hair sodden and limp, but he could easily make out the dozens of braids.

"Sannah?" he muttered and then collapsed back down to the ground.

The world turned black all around him.

Awareness seeped back with the soft sounds of a woman's singing. There was something familiar about the voice and the tune, yet Anakin could place neither.

Carefully, he sat up on the mat that he had been laying on and looked around. A crude wooden table sat a few feet from him, and on the corner closest to him was Tahiri's doll.

Lifting his gaze from the doll, he looked around again, and realized that he was in a tree. Someone had carved out one of the massive trees, and turned it into an effective living space.

A white linen curtain sectioned off the area with the mat from what he assumed was the rest of the home. It was from the far side of it that he could hear the singing.

Suddenly, she stopped singing, and Anakin could feel her attention focus on him for a moment.

"I'm sorry, Anakin. Did I wake you with my singing?"

Anakin frowned for a moment. "Uhm… where am I?"

"Hold on a second, Anakin. I'm warming up a bit of blue milk for us."

"Ah, okay," he replied, even as he thought, who is she? She knows my name.

A few moments later, the curtain was pulled aside, and Anakin could see a kitchen and a closed door. The girl, who was a few years older than Anakin was, stood holding a tray. On the tray were two steaming mugs and a selection of biscuits. He looked at her, her hair was braided, much the same way that Sannah's always was, but in the light of her home, Anakin could tell that that was really the only similarity between the two.

She set the tray down on the table, and handed him one of the mugs.

"Well, Anakin. I see you've wondered back to Yavin IV. What do you think of all the growth that's happened since you've been away?"

He blinked twice, and found himself frowning for a moment. "Uhm… but how do you…"

"Know you?" She responded with a chuckle. "Well, I'm Eelysa and I may live in a tree, but I do have a holonet connection. Besides, I was a Jedi Knight before you ever came to the Junior Jedi Academy."

Anakin felt his frown deepen at that comment. "But you don't look old enough."

She laughed, and he thought how much he liked that sound. "Age has nothing to do with being a Knight. You of all people should know that much."

Anakin felt his cheeks start to burn. "Sorry."

She waved her hand in his direction, and took a sip of her own mug of milk. He followed suit.

With a clink, she set her cup back on the table, and looked at him. "You've grown up a lot since I saw you last. That must've been six, seven years ago now. Are you close to finishing your training?"

He hung his head, shame filling him. "I've not changed at all…"

"What?"

"I've not changed. I've not grown up. If someone's hurt, all I can do is stand there and watch. I'm weak. All I do is watch…. I couldn't help Jaina…" He covered his face with his hands, as the first of the tears began to flow. "I couldn't help Nelani, Tenel Ka or even Sannah… They were all waiting for me…" He clenched his fists, struggling against the pain and emotions that welled in him. "And I just forgot everything. And Tahiri…"

Eelysa laid a hand on his head, brushing it against his hair.

"And Tahiri," Anakin continued. "I couldn't do anything for Tahiri. All I did was forget our promise. All I do are the same things… over and over again… I'm…"

She grabbed his hands, and squeezed then. He looked up at her, to find her staring around her at the house. Confused slightly, he lifted his head, and looked at the ceiling and walls.

"Trees are funny things," she said. "Did you know that they have rings inside of them that tell their age?"

Anakin shook his head.

"Every thing that affects them, from drought to fire to pests to freezing weather; year after year the tree records that in those rings. It's a sign to those who know how to look for it of that tree's strength. I think humans are like that as well. The more trouble they go through, the more pain they suffer, the stronger and kinder they can get."

Anakin lowered his eyes again, as tears once more started to flow.

He could feel her kind smile directed at him. "If you've made a promise with someone, make sure you keep it."

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Anakin woke the next morning, his back hurting from the strange bed he had slept in. Sitting up, he looked around once more, thinking that the tree house looked even odder in the morning light than it did the evening before.

Glancing down at the table, he saw the datapad with a message indicator flashing on it. He picked the device up, and it came to life. Quickly, he scanned the simple lines recorded there:

Anakin, I'm off to perform my morning exercises. If you're hungry, you can eat what's in the food preserver.

He dropped the datapad back onto the table, and went into the kitchen. Opening the preserver, he found a package of meat rolls. The same brand which had been Sannah's favorite.

After he had eaten, he grabbed up the little angel doll and left the house. He quickly got his bearings, and began to walk through the woods. He had a specific destination in mind; the melted temple.

As he walked, he remembered a portion of that last conversation he had had with Tahiri: I'm sorry Anakin, I... I don't think I'll be able to meet you anymore.

The more he walked, the more memories of Tahiri invaded his mind. All the times he had seen her, walked with her, talked with her, or teased her since his return.

Finally he arrived at his destination.

He stood at the edge of the clearing, watching the blasted, melted ruins of a Temple. Then he walked to one of the melted columns, and leaned against it. After a short while, he sat down on the ground, his back to the column.

He lifted his head to the sky, staring at the clouds as they drifted by. "I did promise I'd meet you here again, didn't I?"

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He heard his alarm clock begin its insistent tone. Frowning, he tossed the covers off and sat up on the bed looking around. I don't have training today, why did I leave that turned on?

Sighing, he got out of bed and quickly dressed. He stepped out into the hallway, and heard the thumps of someone running from behind him. Anakin spun in place, to find Tahiri there, a wide grin on her face as she raced up to him.

"What… what are you doing here," he asked her.

She giggled at him. "I'm a part of the family, right? Where else would I be?"

"Yeah, that's right," he replied, as he began to make his way towards the kitchen.

She skipped beside him, her every movement an expression of exuberant energy. Suddenly, she paused and spun towards him. "Today, Mrs. Mara is going to teach me how to make her cookies."

He snorted in amusement. "Aunt Mara's wasting her time there."

She frowned and stomped her foot. "That's not true."

"I remember the last time you made cookies. They were like stones."

She blushed, and spun away from him. "That was because I didn't know what I was doing, but today Aunt Mara will be teaching me."

He smiled at her. "Well, just don't give Aunt Mara too much trouble."

Tahiri tossed him a brilliant smile over her shoulder. "It'll be okay." Then she was rushing around the corner into the kitchen.

He followed at a more sedate pace, to discover Jaina and Mara already there; Jaina half-dozing as usual rather than eating.

"Good morning," Tahiri called out as she dropped into her place at the table.

Jaina bobbed her head, and Anakin laughed. "You've begun training again? You sure do work hard."

Jaina's head wavered for a moment. "Yeah… I work hard." Then her head fell forward to the table, and she was lightly snoring.

Mara spoke from the kitchen. "Tahiri, once everyone's had breakfast we'll work on those cookies, all right?"

"Yeah!" Tahiri called out, lifting her hands above her head. As she lowered her arms, she turned towards Anakin. "You'll eat them right?"

"Absolutely not," he shot back.

A scowl appeared on her face. "Well that was blunt."

"Today's will be different," Mara called from the kitchen. "Right?"

"Yeah. That's right," Tahiri replied.

He smiled at her. "Well then, if it looks good, then I guess I'll eat it."

She began to smile. "Really?"

"IF it looks good."

"Yeah! I'll do my best," she replied, her face a brilliant smile. "So look forward to my cookies, okay?"

With a start, Anakin jerked awake. He looked around himself and realized that he was still in the courtyard of the melted temple.

Frowning, he lifted his face towards the sky once again. "Guess I'm still really here then…"

He snorted in amusement, as he looked around him again. "I remember doing this when I first got here. Of course, I had a bench that time…"

Smiling, he looked down the path he had come. Unbidden, Tahiri's words once more rang through his head: But what I really like is when the person I'm waiting for comes. Then I can be glad that I was waiting.

He lifted the small angel doll, holding it in front of his face as he memory of another conversation with her fought through his mind again: I think that if you loved me, then I could love you. Forever.

He felt himself smiling. "I still love you…"

Then from behind him, he heard a voice; her voice; as Tahiri said, "Me, too, Anakin."

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He squeezed his eyes shut tight. "Then why did you say we can't meet again?"

"Because I'm out of time," was her reply. "Today… today, I'm here to say good-bye."

"I'm here to give you what you left behind."

"So…. You found it?" He heard an odd sadness in her voice.

"Yeah," he responded. "With some trouble. Lots of trouble." Then he stood up, and slowly moved around the column.

As he cleared it, he saw her. She stood half a dozen paces away from him, her hands clasped in front of her chest. He felt his heart pound harder in his chest.

"Thank you," she said as he handed her the doll. She looked at it for a moment, and then clutched it tight to her chest.

"You're late," Anakin said.

A wistful smile appeared on her lips. "We're allowed to come whenever we want to to our school, remember?"

"That's right."

"Yep."

Anakin sighed. "We were able to meet again."

"Yep."

"Is this really good bye?"

"Yep."

He felt himself getting angrier at the unfairness of things. Automatically, his fists clenched by his side. "You can't stay here forever?"

A touch of sadness entered her voice. "No."

"I see," Anakin replied. "Then…then at least tell me your third wish. I did promise to give you three after all. So," He struggled to keep his voice even; to keep the tears from falling. "At the very least, let me grant that last wish."

"That's right," she said, her face falling slightly as she looked at the ground. When she looked up again, she had a smile on her lips and a glimmer of a tear in her eyes. "Then for my last wish… Anakin… Please forget about me."

Anakin felt as if the Falcon had just crash landed on his heart.

Tahiri continued talking. "Please, just think that I had never existed. Yes…" Her tears begin rolling down her face, and her body hitched with a sob. "Please… just forget me…"

A harsh wind began blowing around them, tugging at their clothes.

Anakin fought to gather control of his emotions. Finally, he found his voice. "Are you sure? Is your wish really for me to forget you?"

She looked up at him, the tears still flowing freely down her cheeks. "But I don't have any more wishes now…I was able to eat so many of the canapés that I was never supposed to be able to eat again. So… so please just forget me."

Anakin clenched his teeth and then rushed forward, wrapping her in his arms. He was almost surprised that she was so much shorter than he was. It felt like he was holding a 10 year old in his arms.

Her voice wavered, "Anakin?"

He began petting her hair, as he hugged her tight against his chest.

"I'm not a child, you know." She almost sounded indignant.

He chuckled. "Yes you are. You go running off on your own and cause all sorts of problems for people. What's worse is that you try to shoulder all these burdens by yourself." He paused for a moment, and felt a tear race down his right cheek. "You're not alone. I won't accept that wish." Another tear fell on his opposite cheek. "I can't grant it."

"Anakin…"

"There's no way I'd be able to forget about you!"

"Then I know what I want my last wish to be. My last wish is…"

He loosened his grip slightly so he could look down at her. She smiled, and opened her mouth to say something more. Just then the trees around them shook with a violent blast of wind; leaves raced around him. Even though they stood so close, even though he could see her lips moving, he could not hear any sound come from them.

"What did you just say, Tahiri?"

A weak smile graced her lips, and he pulled her into another tight hug.

"Anakin," she said. "Is my body still warm?"

He looked down at her, noticing for the first time the faint blue glow that surrounded her.

"Of course it is," he replied.

"What a relief."

Another wind whipped around Anakin, and suddenly, he was no longer holding her. He blinked in surprise, as he looked around. In the muddy ground, he could see his tracks, and he could see where she had been standing. Yet she had left no tracks, neither arriving nor leaving.

He dropped to his knees, staring at his hands that had been holding onto her. Finally, he used them to cover his face, as the tears began to flow, and his shoulders began to shake.

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A dream.

I'm seeing a dream.

The same normal day, over and over again…

Waiting for the same morning, and then returning to the same dream.

Red, white, cold, warmth, sadness, and then the day starts all over again.

From years ago… I knew it from years ago.

While floating through the endless dream…

While waiting for the dawn that won't come…

I'm sitting at the same place… a crowd without noise… Emotionless people walk by…

Nobody notices the small child sitting all alone on the bench.

She's waiting for someone…

…Someone she knows won't show up…

For someone she knows won't show up for years and years…

I was waiting for years.

Waiting for the dawn that wouldn't come… inside my dream.

But…

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Anakin sat on the bench. It was the same bench he had waited for Jaina at just a few short weeks ago when his father had dropped him off on Yavin. The rich warm fragrances of that day have been replaced by the pungent odor of the night blooming plants of the rain forest.

Yet none of that affected Anakin.

His hands were clasped together between his legs, his back curved, head bowed. If the Jedi Temple had been more into the trappings of religion, one could have assumed him a young monk deep in prayer.

But the Jedi are not concerned about the trappings of religion. Despite the mysticism inherent in their Order, they are very pragmatic and practical people.

Anakin sat like that, because he could not think of a better way to sit.

He was numb; heart broken; a smoldering pain, held deep in his chest, resting lightly on his stomach.

It just made sense to his body to assume that position, when his heart felt as crumpled and curved.

Then he heard the crunch of a boot on the gravel that was spread around the bench.

Jaina's voice intruded on his dark thoughts. "Anakin?"

He looked up at her, and she gave him a weak smile, even though there were tears lining her eyes.

"I've been looking everywhere for you."

"Sorry," he replied. "I didn't mean to make you worry."

Slowly she shook her head. "That's supposed to be my line."

He slid off the bench, and knelt in front of her. "Jaina… I've been depending on you so much… I've been nothing but a spoiled brat."

She knelt in front of him, her hands clutched over her chest. "It's the same with me…I said some mean things to you…"

"Jaina… I… I have to…"

She interrupted him. "Now we're even."

"Even?"

She smiled, and bopped her head. "Yup."

"Even, huh?" A weak smile appeared on his lips. "Did any news come from the medcenter?"

"No."

"I see…" Anakin looked down again.

"Anakin," Jaina began, wiping a tear from her eye. "I'll get stronger."

"Yeah…"

She frowned for a moment. "You look sad."

He shook his head. "That's a trick of the light."

Then she was hugging him. "It'll be okay, little brother. We'll be strong together."

She released him, and he watched her for a moment. "No Krakana."

"It's a promise."

"Yeah."

"And if you break the promise…"

Anakin felt himself grinning despite the pain in his chest. "I'll buy you a strawberry parfait."

She quickly shook her head. "No… not even strawberries will allow me to forgive you if you break this promise."

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