A Little Love

His fist connected with my jaw. Hard. I could feel it as it shattered a tooth, and knocked another out. I shook my head, trying to focus through the dizziness. The coppery taste of blood filled my mouth, so I spat a wad of it out.

I grinned at him, and he grinned back. I could feel it in the Force.

We have been this way for years. We ignore one another, until the moment we can get away, away from our responsibilities, our friends and family. Once we're able, we run away until we're hidden-because none of them would understand. None of them could understand. After all, our relationship is complicated, to say the least.

So we run away to some backwater planet that is more untrained wilderness than anything else. Then we proceeded to beat the kriff out of one another, until we're both too exhausted and sore to move.

And then the fun really starts. Then we would use each others bodies to forget our pain and loneliness.

At that moment, I was holding my own. Sure, I had a knife wound to my upper arm and lower thigh, but he had a nice sized hole in his stomach. Of course, I lost my knife giving him that wound. As the blade had sunk in, he had twisted away, ripping the hilt from my hand.

He cheated that way. Still does.

Regardless, we weren't worried too much about the damage to our bodies, after all, the Force and bacta would patch us up better than ever once we were done playing.

It was that punch that rattled my head though; I was still seeing the bright lights behind my eyes. No matter the number of times I get smacked in that spot, it always hurt, and it always dazed me for a few moments.

He knew this. He took advantage of it every time. Like I said, he cheats.

Just part of why I love him so much.

Well, I don't know if love would really be the right description. Lust? Desire? The straight animalistic tendencies of two pieces of meat? An overwhelming desire to beat him to within a centimeter of death?

All of that and more. It's part and parcel of the things we went through at the hands of the Yuuzhan Vong.

The other thing we went through at their hands is that I lost my first lover. His brother.

Like I said, our relationship is complicated.

I cursed as I realized my thoughts had been wandering. Helped to this realization by a swift kick to the head. Pain flared across my awareness, driving it away.

I woke to him tossing a bucket of frigid stream water into my face.

Sputtering, I leaned my chest up, lifting it by my elbows. I inhaled, trying to focus past the pain. Finally, I glared up at him where he stood over me. "You had to use the water didn't you? You couldn't wake me up nice?"

He grinned. I hate it when he grins, and I've told him that. After all, his grin is a mirror image of his dad's. As was his brother's. That grin hurts. A lot. I think that might be why he continued to do it.

"I couldn't help it," he said. "Too enticing a view."

I was confused for a moment, and then I noticed that he was staring at my chest. I looked down, and remembered that I had been wearing a white t-shirt. It was currently sodden and translucent.

I glared up at him again, and then sliced my leg through his, dumping him to the ground. He landed hard, and I slammed my foot into his face, my own grin coming to my lips as I heard his nose crunch.

"Kwiff, 'Ri, youd brode by dose."

I sat up the rest of the way and crawled over to where he laid in the dirt. He stared at me for a moment, and then I leaned down and kissed him hard, tasting the blood on his lips.

I could feel both his pain and his pleasure in the Force.

A mirror image of my own.

Breaking the kiss, I sat back on my haunches and smiled coyly at him and pulled my sodden shirt off.

No, I don't love him. I could never love him. He is too much like his brother, and too different from his brother, for me to ever truly love him. It would always be just a pale imitation of my love for Anakin.

Why he put up with me, I don't know.

Still don't.

But I take what I get, and give just as good. Especially, when I'm hungry for just a little bit of love.

A Time To Mourn

He stood facing the remains of an old enemy. A former lover. An unrequited dream.

"You lied to me, once again," he told the empty shell that had once been her body. It's mechanical portions far outweighing anything biological. Too much metal and plastic for a traditional funeral pyre.

Sighing, he shook his head, and turned to face the other body currently laid in repose in the morgue. A sob hitched in his throat as pain flared to life at seeing her like this.

Physically, she resembled the old enemy. Red hair, smooth skin, supple lips, green eyes. Eyes that once flashed with fire and life and vitality.

This was the empty remains of an old lover. His wife. His helpmate. The dream that he lived and breathed.

His body hitched with unshed tears, and he took a deep breath, blowing out the grief and anger and frustration, offering them up as a sacrifice to the Force. He took a last look and turned away, heading back to the more populated areas of the Temple. Back to the life and the vitality of those areas. Back to where he can still feel her presence permeating everything around him.

Stepping out of the morgue, he found his son standing by the door, intently watching his hands.

Luke Skywalker, Jedi Master, Galactic Hero, mourning husband, stared at his son, trying to find the words to say. The words, the phrase, the intent, that would heal the breach in their relationship. A comment that would make everything all right again.

Nothing comes.

Just a deep silence stretched between father and son. A silence composed of too many fights, too many emotions, and the raw gaping wound in their hearts and the Force which was where Mara Jade Skywalker always glowed.

He raised his artificial hand, and squeezed it into a tight, balled fist. Pondering that final fight with his father. Wondering why he seemed to always lose those he loves.

"Son..."

Ben looked up at him, tears shining in his eyes as he slowly shook his head.

Luke's heart broke all over again. His son had grown up. There was no longer any innocence in his eyes or expression. Just a hard edge of bitterness, which Luke wished would never be seen in someone's soul again. For a moment, he wondered if this was how his father felt, when Luke stood over him. The pained outcry as he took his father's hand still rings in his ears, even after all these years.

Luke opened his mouth again to say something. Yet words failed him. After a moment, he snapped his mouth shut, and looked away from the bitterness in his son's eyes.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Ben shake his head again.

"I understand now, Dad. After everything, I think I understand."

Luke faced him fully, watched as a tear slid down his son's cheek.

Anger clenched Ben's body, his shoulders shook as his fists tightened. The Force whirled with the Ben's anger and rage. "I... I want to avenge Mom, Dad. I want to kill whoever did this to her."

Luke raised a hand, and squeezed the bridge of his nose. Why did you have to die? he thought to himself. You were always better at this.

He lowered his hand. "I know that's how you feel. I feel that to. But it's not time for that now. Bringing her killer to justice can wait. Now... Now, it's a time to mourn. "

Ben dropped to his knees, his body once again shaking, except this time due to the tears that he had fought and denied.

Luke lowered himself to the ground beside him, wrapping him in a hug, cradling him against his chest.

Into his son's hair, he whispered words which his Aunt Beru taught him so many years ago:

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace."

A Father's Blade: Chapter Twenty-One

The room's lights are dimmed; the soft sounds of medical monitors are a steady metronome in the background. The scent of salt water hangs on the air. Tahiri Veila sits on the edge of an uncomfortable hospital chair; her elbows resting on her knees, fingers laced together holding her chin atop them. She watches her young apprentice, who is sleeping on the bed which is the centerpiece of the room. The white sheet is pulled up to her waist, the light blue hospital gown tied over one shoulder, the other side left untied and pulled away from the pink of new flesh where she had been shot by a blaster.

The door opens with a soft sigh, and Tahiri lifts her gaze away from Noelani to focus on the boy stepping into the room. She watches as he takes a moment to just stare at her apprentice. She can see the concern flashing in his eyes.

He takes a step into the room, and seems to realize that he's not alone with Noelani. He turns to face Tahiri, and gives her a quick nod of the head.

"I'm sorry. I thought she'd be alone."

He starts to back out of the door, and she beckons him closer with her hand. She watches as he hesitates, and she can almost see the decision making process on his face. Finally, he decides and comes closer.

She lets him stand there in silence for a few moments, as she watches her apprentice sleep.

"I…" She pauses as she looks up at the young kid. "I just wanted to thank you for what you did for Noelani on Ambria."

Chase looks down at his feet, shuffling his feet slightly. "It was nothing."

Tahiri shakes her head saying, "No. It was something. A lot of people would have left her, or just let her die. From what I understand you actually pestered the Wookiees until they told you that they sent someone to hunt for her."

"Like I said, it was nothing."

She feels a gentle summons in the base of her mind, and quickly stands. "I've got to go speak with the Council; I'd appreciate it if you would sit with her."

She notices that he has once more taken to staring at her apprentice, and gives him a small smile before leaving the room. It takes her eyes a second to adjust to the bright glare from the overhead fluorescents of the main corridor of the hospital ward. She pauses at Cilghal's office, sticking her head in and frowns as she sees that it is empty.

Her brow knits tight as something flickers through her consciousness. An unsettling feeling which she cannot quite shake and which she is not certain where it comes from. She takes a second to trace it, and ends up with a mental image of Noelani sleeping in the hospital bed.

Blaming the feeling on anxiety over Noelani, she banishes it to the back of her mind and continues on her way to the Council Chambers.

She stops before the ornate doors, wondering just how many times she will be called before the Council before they grow tired of asking her questions about this last mission. Sighing, she pushes open the ornate doors and steps into the room. She glances around at the Council members present. Kyp Durron in the seat closest to her, his long hair tied tight in a pony tail. Cilghal, dressed in her usual blue robes. Tionne smiles at her, the elder woman's mother-of-pearl eyes shine with happiness at seeing Tahiri. Mara Jade Skywalker, who for whatever reason refuses to meet her gaze.

Finally, she focuses on Master Skywalker. The Grand Master of the Jedi. She notices that he appears older, more worn then the last time she had seen him, and that he is holding his arm close to his chest. Tahiri can smell the slight scent of bacta and wonders if something happened to him during his last mission.

She bows to the Council. "Knight Veila, reporting masters."

Luke looks quickly between the other masters, and then focuses on her. For a second, his eyes remind her so much of Anakin's that it hurts. But then he speaks, and that phantom pain is flash burned away.

"The Council has heard your testimony, and cannot find any fault with your actions."

Tahiri gives a short incline of her head. "Thank you, masters."

Luke accepts the acknowledgement with the briefest of nods before continuing. "In a week or two, we will have drawn up your next assignment, and following that you and your apprentice will be rotated out to Ossus to give you both a small break from missions. Dismissed."

Tahiri bows again, and flashes a quick smile for Tionne. As she goes to leave her eyes fall once more on Mara Jade, and for a brief second she believes that she can see sorrow in the vibrant green eyes. Then the second is gone, and Mara once more adverts her eyes, refusing to look at her.

Giving herself an internal shrug, she completes her turn and leaves the Council chambers.

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Chase watches Tahiri leave the room. He feels distinctly uncomfortable around all these Jedi, with Tahiri giving him the most problems. Every time that he sees her, it seems like he's looking at an older version of Noelani. Clearing his thoughts, he turns back to the young blonde, watching her as she sleeps.

He steps close to her bedside, frowning down at her. Without thinking he leans down and presses his lips to hers. He pulls back slightly, blinking a couple of times as he looks at her face – still peaceful in sleep.

Sighing to himself, he takes the seat that her master had just vacated, and leans back in it, allowing himself to doze.

A small cough startles him and he bolts awake and into a sitting position to find Noelani sitting up in the bed, watching him with a wry grin and amusement flashing in her blue eyes. He stands up, grinning at her.

"Hey, glad to see that you're feeling better."

She shrugs her shoulders, and looks down and Chase notices a slight reddening to her cheeks. "It was nothing that a little bacta couldn't fix."

Chase looks away, feeling slightly uncomfortable, wondering why he came up here to talk to her like this. "I'm glad anyways."

She smiles for him again and he reaches out to take her hand in his.

"I'm leaving though."

Surprise registers in her face, a widening of the eyes, and a slight parting of the lips.

"Wha… Where? Where are you going?"

He shakes his head. "I don't know. But it's too…too much like BioTech here. Everyone with their perfect little rooms, all dressed almost exactly alike. But this is Coruscant – the best planet in the galaxy. I'll go down-level and do something."

"Oh." Her eyes fall away from his face, looking down at the sheet which covers her legs.

He gives her hand a gentle squeeze, and she looks up at him again. "Come away with me."

Noelani bites at her lower lip and gives a small, almost imperceptible shake of the head. "I…I can't. I'm training to be a Jedi."

He lets go of her hand, and turns, beginning to walk away. Pausing at the end of the bed, he looks down at the floor. "I'll miss you."

"You don't have to go."

He looks back over his shoulder at her, seeing the unshed tears lining her eyes. Noting how they sparkle in the dim light of the room. "Yes, I do. I don't fit in here. I don't belong. And that has nothing to do with what BioTech did to me."

Before she can respond, he leaves the room without looking back.

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Noelani is sitting on the couch in the main room of the quarters which she shares with Tahiri. Her feet are tucked up under her, and her hair is still damp from the shower she had just taken. In her hand is the lightsaber that she had found on Kashyyk, a silver base, with a black ribbing handgrip beneath the emitter. Lower still is the power button and vertical ridges – also a hard plastic. There is a warmth to the weapon which calls to her. Which calms her and fills her with peace and joy.

She looks down at the weapon, and presses the activator, and with a snap-hiss the indigo blade flashes into existence. A blue so deep and dark that it is closer to being purple.

She hears the door open, and her Master's bare feet padding softly into the room.

Then a sharp, hissing intake of breath and Noelani shuts down the weapon turning towards Tahiri.

"Master?"

Tahiri shakes her head. "I'm sorry, Noelani. I knew you had found yourself a lightsaber on Kashyyk – but I didn't expect it to be that one. I guess, I assumed.... when I was eight or nine there was an attack on Kashyyk by a group of Dark Jedi. I guess I just assumed that you had found one of their old blades."

Noelani looks from her master to the hilt in her hand and then back to Tahiri. "Did I do something wrong?"

Tahiri shakes her head. "No. It's just that is… was. That was Anakin's blade."

"Oh. I'm sorry." She gets up and walks to Tahiri, holding the weapon out towards her. "Here, do you want it?"

She watches her mentor chew on her lower lip for a second, her hand hesitatingly reaching out for the saber. Tahiri eyes take on a faraway glaze as she touches the weapon and Noelani can feel a twinge in the Force coming from the living crystal which is at the core of the lightsaber.

Tahiri snatches her hand back, quickly brushing away a tear. "It was attuned to him."

"Pardon?"

"The lambent. He used a Yuuzhan Vong lambent as his focusing crystal. It was attuned to him, and still carries a part of him within it." Tahiri's eyes come back into sharp focus. "Could you put it on the shelf by the holo of him, please?"

Noelani nods her head. "Sure."

She walks over to the shelves and places the weapon up there, taking a second to glance at the picture of its former owner. Then she turns back to her master, noting that Tahiri had closed her eyes and appeared to be doing a simple breathing exercise.

Noelani waits, and a few minutes later, Tahiri reopens her eyes. "Have you gathered the items you'll need to build a lightsaber?"

"Yes."

"Good. Take them and the instructions into the meditation room and assemble your blade. Take as long as you need, don't be frightened of any visions. Trust yourself and the Force."

Noelani smiles at her. "Yes, Master."

With that said she rushes to her room and gathers the pieces from her workstation and then goes into the meditation room. She sits herself down in the middle of the room, spreading the things she will need to make her lightsaber around her.

She closes her eyes, picks up the first piece and slowly exhales.

She inhales, tasting the dank, mildewy air of the forest floor.

Opening her eyes, she finds that she is once more on Kashyyk. For a second she almost panics, wondering if everything that happened to her had been some type of fever dream from a concussion. Then she remembers that she could have visions while building her weapon.

Then she remembers that she had this dream already.

Once her panic is back under control, she stands up and begins walking down the path before her. A thin, cold drizzle begins, dripping in a slow pattern from the leaves and branches overhead.

She walks for a while, and finally a new scent assails her nose, something different than the smell of wet forest. Smoke. A fire. She looks around, trying to find where the smell is coming from and darts along beside the fallen trunk of one of the giant trees. She rounds the corner and finds a small cottage built into the trunk. Paneless windows glow with the cheery warmth of the fire, and Noelani smiles, recognizing another item from her previous dream.

She raps on the simple wooden door and can hear shuffling sounds coming from within.

The door opens to reveal a boy a few years older than herself. Piercing blue eyes, tussled brown hair and a rakish smile. She recognizes him. She had just been looking at his picture before entering the meditation room. And she wonders why she's having a vision about her Master's dead boyfriend.

"Hello, Noelani. It is great to see you again. I have something for you."

Noelani glances up at the sky-the drizzle has started to come down harder, and more and more drops are making it through the canopy above. She glances once more into the brightly lit hut, "Can we go inside?"

"No. You're not allowed in just yet. Wait here."

She shivers, and imagines that she must look quite a sight with her hair hanging limp, plastered to her face and back by the rain. She rubs her shoulders, trying to warm them.

The boy returns to the doorway and holds out a shaft of metal with black and steel ribbing which runs the half not currently covered by the boy's hand. He pushes it towards her.

"Here, take it."

She does, half expecting fire and pain to twist up her arm. She looks down at the weapon and notices that it is similar to the one which she had found on Kashyyk – that it holds to the same overall design pattern. Yet there are differences, as the weapon appears slimmer, more feminine.

Suddenly, a chill wind whips around her, and she shivers looking around the clearing. With a small chuff noise, the light and warmth coming from the small cottage blows out. The wisp of smoke, being ripped away and shattered.

She looks around for the boy, noticing that he no longer is anywhere around. A soft, slithering sound comes from the cottage. Sounding something like a snake. She takes a step back, a frown flickering onto her face.

"Hello?"

A voice from Noelani's nightmares comes from the darkened rooms. "Hello Jeedai."

Ulya Tu, the Yuuzhan Vong warrior who had held Noelani captive steps out, and thrusts a saber towards Noelani. "Here, take it. You will be my apprentice."

In a single smooth motion, Noelani screams and activates her blade. She lunges forward slicing away, down and through the warrior. Grinning with manic glee as her blade passes through Yuuzhan Vong flesh without a problem.

She looks down at the warrior's face, to find her own staring back at her.

She lets out another scream, and opens her eyes to find herself once more in the meditation room, scampering backwards in fear. She closes her eyes, and does a simple breathing exercise to gain control of her emotions.

She looks around the room. "It was just a dream. That's all. Just a dream."

Not really believing herself, she takes a step forward and picks up her completed lightsaber. She notes that it is the same one as from her dream and presses the ignition button to be greeted with a blade the same indigo color as Anakin's.

Shutting down the blade, she turns to find Tahiri standing in the doorway. Noelani holds the weapon out to her, and she plucks it from Noelani's hands. She turns it this way and that and then ignites it. Waving it through the air a few times, she shuts the weapon down and returns it to Noelani.

"It is well made. Congratulations."

Noelani looks down, wondering how much of her vision she should tell Tahiri. "Thank you Master. But…I don't remember actually building it."

Tahiri smiles mysteriously at her. "Some Jedi don't."

Noelani smiles for Tahiri, but in the back of her head, she can still hear Ulya Tu's words, "You will be my apprentice."

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Noelani walks beside her master, as they make their way towards the hanger where the Stolen Star is. Rounding the corner, she slams into a boy about her age, causing both of them to fall backwards and onto their butts.

She yelps in surprise, and says "Hey, watch where you're going!"

Then she looks at him, noting the red hair, the smattering of freckles on his boyish features, and the blue eyes. She winces inwardly as she realizes that she just ran into Ben Skywalker.

He gives her a hesitant smile and then stands up, holding a hand out towards her. With a blush she accepts it and he pulls her to her feet, and gives her a lop-sided smile. "Hey, I'm Ben. I don't think I've met you."

She can feel herself blushing. "I'm Noelani Darklighter, Tahiri's apprentice. I've gotta go on a mission now."

To her surprise, she can feel a burst of disappointment coming from the Grand Master's son. "Oh. Okay then. Well, I guess I'll see you when you get back then. If you want, we can get something to eat or something…"

"That sounds great!" she says, smiling brightly for him. Turning away, she walks towards the hanger. She casts a quick glance over her shoulder to see him still standing there in the black armored jumpsuit he was wearing, just watching her, that lop-sided grin still plastered to his face. She gives him a quick wave, and he seems to realize that he was staring at her and waves back before turning away and going about his business.

Feeling happier than she has since the day Chase left two weeks ago, she glances around and then sprints the rest of the way to the hanger, suddenly wanting this mission to be over.