Pleasure & Pain: Epilogue

I awaken, and feel the confusion around me. I don't understand what I'm seeing. There are pipes and smoke and other noises. It confuses me because the last thing I remember was the fire and death, the world ship around Mrykr. I have memories of Nom Anor, of the thermal detonator, of Tahiri's pain and cries in the Force as I could feel the life blood draining from me, the Force slipping away from me, the Force slipping away from her. The vision of her pain-filled green eyes flashes before me.

I remember dying.

How did I come to be here? Where is here.

I sit up, and feel the jelly like substance still clinging to me. I shiver as I look down, noticing my nudity. I look around, still confused by my surroundings. Another vision of green eyes flashes through my mind, and some part of me hopes to see her.

Then I see someone, not the one I want to see, but someone else, someone cold and metallic, someone whose Force presence is a dark oily stain on my awareness. Her red hair is pulled up into a simple braid, there is a fading bruise on her cheek and she's wearing a shift not quite large enough to cover her modestly. In fact, it reveals more than it leaves to the imagination. "Where, what, who, who are you?"

She just smiles at me, which sends shivers up my spine. That smile does strange things to my stomach, it's cold, calculating and predatory, yet I find it oddly compelling.

She walks slightly closer to me. "I am Lumiya. Welcome back Anakin. Welcome back to the land of the living."

Pleasure & Pain: Chapter Fifteen

I notice some movement from the observation deck, and look up to see Lumiya looking down on us. I can feel her hate and anger from where I stand.

The door opposite us opens and I look that way and see a female Yuuzhan Vong warrior enter. I can hear Nethi's slight gasp and feel her fear of the new arrival.

I can feel the Vong in the Force. Her presence is dark and twisted. I look at her and see an abomination of the Force.

I remember her from when I awoke. I smile as the memory of me spitting on her crosses my mind.

I look her over, and she is dressed in the usual garb of high-ranking warriors. Her red cape is sinuously moving of its own accord. The talons erupt from her knuckles and a tsaisi is wrapped around her upper arm. A coufee is in a sheath on her leg. The customary bandolier of blast bugs across her chest. And she wears the vonduun crab armor; hers is a deep blackish red color.

She is glorious in her danger.

I ignite my saber.

She reaches around behind her and pulls out a creature I have never seen before.

As she squeezes it a red lightsaber blade erupts from it, I realize then that I have seen it before, in my vision of a dark human/vong hybrid of Tahiri.

Her frayed lips spread into a sinister grin. "Do-ro'ik vong pratte."

I look at her and laugh. Beside me I can hear Nethi as she says a Vong word, "brenzlit."

As the warrior rushes us, I can only assume that whatever Nethi said was a Vong insult. I step forward, swinging my blade in an upper cut. She parries my blow and swings her saber at me.

I dive under the blow and roll out of harms way. I swing my saber behind me, and she merely jumps up and out of the way.

I stand and assume a high guard, as the warrior rushes me again. Our sabers collide. She releases one of her hands from the saber and drives her fist into my face. I can feel the horns on her knuckles as they scratch down my jaw.

I can hear Nethi screaming my name.

I stand, as the warrior rushes once more, intent on impaling me on her blade. My head is still confused by the blow and I realize I have no way of getting my saber up in time to block.

Then Nethi is body checking the warrior, knocking her off course. I see a flash of saber where it should not be and can hear myself screaming Nethi's name.

I can feel Nethi's pain in the Force. They land and Nethi comes to a stop, while the warrior continues rolling away. I rush to Nethi's side and see the wound to her chest, probing with the Force I can tell that it's fatal.

I stand at the same time as the warrior, and jump at her. I land and use my hate to power my blows.

At first she is able to block and parry my blows. But a Skywalker's hate is a powerful thing. When a Skywalker is in the grip of their hate, they are a nigh unstoppable thing. She falls back away from me, attempting to get some room to maneuver, room so she can go on the offensive.

I follow, not letting up, my blade a blur and always seeking an opening in her defenses.

I finally get one, and slice away her off arm between the gauntlets and her shoulder armor. Her hiss of pain drives me forward, makes me attack even harder.

The pain she feels and broadcasts in the Force is not enough payment, not enough revenge, to sate my anger at what she did to Nethi.

I get my next opening and shove my blade into her throat. I shove harder, pushing it all the way through. I smile at the shocked expression that appears on her face.

I shut down my saber and turn from her, not caring if she actually dies or not.

I run over to Nethi and pull her onto my lap.

She looks up at me, tears in her eyes, I cradle her against me. I know I'm losing her, and it is killing me. "Anakin, I love you."

I smile at her, and can feel the tears in my own eyes. "I know."

I can feel her pain, as she coughs. I notice the blood on the side of her mouth is bright red. "I wasn't supposed to love you. I wasn't ever supposed to kiss you while you were in the cell. Lumiya forbade it. I. I just couldn't help myself."

"Shh, don't talk; everything's going to be all right."

She utters a broken laugh. "Dummy, I know I'm dying. I can feel that."

Suddenly Lumiya's voice fills the chamber over the intercom system. "Anakin, all is not lost. I can give you Nethi back. You can be forgiven. Your failure was a temporary setback. Please Anakin."

As she is speaking a half-dozen guards enter from each of the doors, taking up positions near the doors, protecting them, keeping us in the room, their carbines drawn and ready.

I look up at her, and for the first time see her for what she truly is, a dark, desperate old woman, who needs someone more powerful than her to do what she is unable to.

I look down at Nethi, and see the tears in her eyes, the sadness and pain. Her eyes flicker to the observation area where Lumiya stands and then back to me. Her voice is strained and weak. "I don't want to be a slave."

I reach behind me and pull out one of the thermal detonators from the carrying case on the back of my belt.

Once more Lumiya's voice is there, booming. "Anakin? Anakin! What are you doing?"

I look back up to Lumiya. "You wanted a Skywalker, because we are so powerful, especially in our hate. When we hate, we are as close to an unstoppable force as this galaxy has."

I arm the detonator, hold down the dead-man switch and slide backwards the priming mechanism. I put five seconds on the detonator.

I pull Nethi up and lower my head to kiss her again. "You never were to me, and I won't let Lumiya make you one."

I look at Lumiya again. "But you forget that there is always one thing stronger than a Skywalker's hate. And that is a Skywalker's love."

Dismissing Lumiya from my mind, I focus my attention on Nethi and kiss her once more. "I love you; I wish we had had time to grow old together."

Her smile is filled with pain. "I know."

I press my lips against hers again and throw the detonator into the air, releasing the dead-man's switch, which activates the timer.

I can feel Nethi's love for me, and I wrap her in my arms and my love. I am kissing her as the white overtakes us.

Pleasure & Pain: Chapter Fourteen

We are rushing through the halls, when I see the doors which Lumiya told me to never enter.

Deciding I had nothing else to lose, I take us that way.

I can feel Nethi's fears as we near the doors. "Lumiya told me to never go in there."

Without glancing back to her, I answer. "All the more reason to go in."

We rush down the hallway, one made of carved stone, as much cave as anything fashioned by sentient hands.

And come to another ornate doorway. Not seeing an obvious opening mechanism, I push with the Force knocking the doors down.

Then we enter what can only be described as a cathedral.

I look up and see high vaulted ceilings, on the ceilings, in bas relief sculptures are impressions of fire, and people writhing in torment.

I look around and see an audience area, an arena and a stage. On the stage there is an alter, one large enough for a grown Thakwaashi to lie upon comfortably. The sides of the alter are decorated with the same bas relief sculptures as the ceiling.

Behind the alter I can see a throne.

Sitting upon the throne is what I can only describe as a nexus of the Dark Side. Someone whose Force presence is so shrouded in the Dark Side that it reminds me of when I was touched by Palpatine when I was in my mom's womb.

Nethi and I slowly walk into the room, looking everywhere. Afraid to go in further, unable to not do so.

As we approach the throne, the person on it speaks. "Ah, so Lumiya's pets have freed themselves. How predictable this all is."

I can feel his humor as he continues. "Let me guess, she sent you to kill the blonde one, and you didn't, and then Lumiya had a hissy fit, and tried to take scarred girl here from you. Am I right Anakin?"

I look at him, unable to understand how he knows. "How? Who? What are you?"

He chuckles. "I am sorry; I forget my manners so easily in my old age. I am Kadann, the Supreme Prophet of the Dark Side, leader of the Prophets of the Dark Side. Lumiya came to us for the sole purpose of raising someone of the Skywalker line from the dead. She wants her own personal Vader. As for how I knew what was happening, well we do call ourselves prophets here."

"Are you going to stop us?"

Again his amusement rolls in the Force. "Stop you? I gave up my aspirations for galactic dominance many years ago. Besides, I consider what Lumiya is attempting as folly of the highest order. Our skills, our abilities at raising the dead work best with Dark Siders. Lumiya's goal was to get either you or your namesake, and then corrupt you."

I shiver at his smile.

I look around the room once more, and finally find another exit, and grabbing Nethi's hand rush that way.

We enter another long hallway and run down it, which gives us another doorway into another chamber.

This one is different than the cathedral though. It's newer, more scientific. The only word I can think of to describe it is laboratory.

On the opposite side of the room is another door, and along the walls are about two dozen cylinders. They remind me of sleep capsules, of cryogenic chambers. The ceiling is set high up, and along one wall there is an observation window.

I turn right and walk close to one of the capsules, absently noting that Nethi had turned left towards the capsules that started on that wall. I can see a small label on the top of the capsule and read it. It says "Aurek Senth 0005"

I rub the frost off the glass window and gasp as I see my face behind the transparisteel enclosure.

From the other side of the room, I feel Nethi's fear and confusion. "No, it's not possible."

I rush to her side, and see what has her so scared, so confused. Within the capsule is Nethi, except with blonde hair. In the next chamber is Nethi with black hair. In the chamber after that, there is a Nethi with brown hair. I look up at the label on that capsule and it is labeled "Trill Vev 0007."

My heart sinks.

We look in capsule after capsule, and they are all of us. Some so young, they are nothing more than what we consider memories of childhood. None of them are older than we are now.

I finally figure out the last piece of what had been confusing me. Why it was so easy for me to let my thoughts dwell on Nethi, why her pain angered me so, and Lumiya's offer of her was so appealing to me.

Why it was so easy for me to fall in love with her.

Even though I had seen that Tahiri's was just an older version of Nethi's face, I had not wanted to realize the answer.

The Tahiri on Dagobah might have been the original, but Nethi was MY Tahiri.

Pleasure & Pain: Chapter Thirteen

I look at the blonde Jedi one last time, some part of my heart soaring. I lift my X-Wing and get into orbit and hyperspace.

Then I start to cry.

By the time I arrive at Kalkalar 6 my tears are dried, but I can feel the fury of my Master.

As I land my X-Wing, I can feel the pain begin to build; the nerves in my arms and back feel as if they are on fire.

I welcome it. I had missed the pain.

I jump down from my fighter and begin the walk to Lumiya's chambers, my pain increasing with every step.

I smile. I consider the pain due punishment for attacking Tahiri.

That last thought stops me in my tracks. I finally realized who that blonde Jedi was. It was Tahiri, but older, at least a decade older, than I had last seen her.

But why then did Nethi look just like her? How long was I dead for? And why did it take me so long to recognize her?

I need answers, and know where to go to get them.

I can feel my anger as it drives that phantom pain away from me.

I stalk to Lumiya's chambers, my anger at her growing with every step, my hate increasing alongside my anger.

I can feel the ripples in the Force that my anger and hate create.

I burst into Lumiya's rooms, and can feel the Force writhing around me.

I see her standing by her bed, in a blood red robe this time. I gather my anger and hate and throw them at her.

She turns to me, and catches my Force Lightning, gathering it to herself. Then she laughs as she releases it back at me.

The lightning hits me, and flings me backwards. I can hear someone screaming and can feel my mouth wide open. I shut my mouth and the screaming stops.

I push myself back into a sitting position as Lumiya throws more lightning at me.

When she stops, I find that I have curled into a fetal position. Finally I have enough presence of mind to focus on what she is saying. "You have failed me Anakin. You promised to serve me, and yet you were unable to kill that single foolish girl of a Jedi!"

She lifts me up by the front of my tunic, and throws me across the room. I land on the bed and roll off the far side, crashing hard onto the marble floor, knocking the night stand over onto me.

"I gave you everything. A release from the pain, pleasure, satisfaction, and Nethi to do with as you please, and this, this is how you repay me?"

She is in front of me again, picking me up and flinging me across the room once again. This time I land on her desk, scattering datapads and flimsies. My momentum and the smooth top of the desk carry me across, and I fall once more to the marble floor.

"For your failure, you will lose Nethi."

At that pronouncement, I feel a fresh surge of hate and anger. I lift the desk in front of me and throw it at Lumiya. It slams into her and knocks her back onto her bed, the desk landing atop her.

Then I am rushing out into the hall to my rooms.

I quickly enter and bolt the door, looking around for Nethi. I see her sitting on one of the couches in a corner and rush to her side.

"Nethi, we are leaving this place, is there anything you need to get?"

"Anakin? What are you talking about?"

I look towards the door as Lumiya begins banging on them. From the booms, I can only assume it's something big and heavy.

I turn back to Nethi. "No time love, we're going now."

I grab her hand, pulling her to her feet and start walking towards the door.

I pick up my desk in the Force and close my eyes in anticipation.

As Lumiya finally bashes in the doors to my room, I fling the desk in that direction. It catches Lumiya full on, and sends her flying back into her rooms.

I run out of the room, dragging Nethi along with me.

"Anakin please, what is going on?"

I turn to look at her, and see her fear and confusion etched on her face. "I failed my mission. Lumiya said she was going to take you from me; I could not let that happen. I cannot let that happen."

Her eyes become pools of emotions, her Force presence broadcasting them, fear, hope, expectation, and a whole host of others. "Why? Why is it so hard for you to give me up?"

"We don't have time for this?"

"Anakin please, I must, I need to know."

I stop us, and look at her. Her gaze captures mine again, and I realize I can't hide from her. "I can't give you up because I love you."

Then I am kissing her. I can feel her joy as it is one that matches my own.

Pleasure & Pain: Chapter Twelve

As I drop out of hyperspace, I shut down my Force presence and gaze at the planet. It has not changed since I was last here, I turn on my scanners, and they easily pick up another starship sitting on the planet's surface.

I land a short distance from the other starship, and can't help but smile as I recognize the tree cave.

I briefly entertain thoughts of going in there just to see what I would see, but quickly dispel them. After I complete my small task, I should have a bit of time to do so if I so wish.

I slip down from the X-Wing and begin looking around the area, trying to find their camp site, and not get seen while doing so.

I smile to myself as I find their campsite. They built in the same general location which Yoda's hut use to stand.

I crawl up into one of the spider trees downwind of their camp.

I see the blonde Jedi that is my target sitting in the middle of their camp. She is calmly meditating, unaware of the fate that my presence implied. Of the barabel and wookie, I see nothing.

So I sit there and watch her meditate. I watch and wait for the others to turn up.

After a while the wookie comes rambling up, bellowing a greeting in shryiwook. I smile as I recognize Lowbacca. If my Master had not demanded I not be seen, I would have enjoyed talking to him again.

I stay in my tree and continue waiting.

Finally my patience, which had been wearing thin, pays off. The barabel comes up from the swamps dragging the corpse of some animal. Again it is someone I recognize.

The blonde finally gets up from her position and the three of them begin cleaning and preparing the animal.

I slip out of my tree, and return to the X-Wing for a short nap and to eat one of my rations, confidant in the fact that they'd be awhile cleaning that carcass.

Night falls fast in the swamps, and soon it was fully dark. As it neared midnight I slipped out of my X-Wing and went back to their camp.

As I arrived, I smile as I realize that they are all asleep. I open myself to the Force ever so slightly, and place the wookie and barabel into an even deeper sleep. For the blonde, I send her my memories of killing the nexu, whisperkit, and the brunette.

I watch as she starts to twist and turn on her cot, and then suddenly sits up. Even from my spot in the spider tree I can see her chest heaving. I can feel her fear in the Force. With a smile, I revel in her fear.

I slip out of the tree once again, and beckon to her with the Force, heading towards the X-Wing, towards the tree cave.

I track her with the Force, feeling her fear and confusion as she silently slips through the swamps, coming to me.

As she enters the clearing I turn on the flood lamps of my X-Wing, creating a pool of light. I smile as she is effectively blinded now.

I hear her voice, it's raspy, sandy as she says, "Who's there?"

My answer is the snap-hiss of my lightsaber.

I jump into the pool of light, the lamps to my back.

I see the blonde take a step back and ignite her blue lightsaber.

I smile at the confusion in her voice as she once more asks, "Who are you?"

I lunge towards her, swinging my blade in a fast overhand attack. Her blade is there blocking me, and her foot kicks out catching me in the stomach.

I grab her foot and flip her over.

She lands in a crouch, her blade held ready for an attack.

I laugh.

Once more I can feel the blonde's confusion. I savor it, taste it. Her confusion feels as if she's trying to dredge up some old memory. I smile; her distraction will just make things easier.

I swing my saber and she catches it and pushes it to the side. I step into the first ring and slam my shoulder into her jaw.

I twist my saber sending hers flying.

I spin around, pull the Force to me and slam my fist into her jaw. She drops to the ground with a grunt and her pain blossoms in the Force.

Joy and despair war in my chest.

I kneel beside her and lift her head by her hair. I finally get a good look at her face and am dumbstruck.

I roll her over so I can look closer, and my confusion spirals out of control.

Everything from the shape of her jaw to the three scars of domain Kwaad. The face that is before me is Nethi's. The only difference is this Jedi is older and blonde.

I raise my blade to strike her, to cleave her, but I just shut it down. I sit down beside her and just stare.

As I sit there watching her, she finally starts to stir, coming to. Her eyes pops open, and Nethi's green eyes stare up into mine.

Oddly she is the one who gasps.

Then tears springs to her eyes. "Anakin? But you died. Oh! I've missed you so much! Where have you been? Why are you so young? Why did you attack me?"

I stare dumbfounded, as she springs up and throws her arms around me, not attacking, but hugging. Grasping me tightly to her. Clinging to me with her considerable strength.

I don't know what to do as she bursts out crying. So I reach out with the Force and put her to sleep.

I frown as I decide whether or not to remove the past thirty minutes worth of memories. Turning from her, I decide on leaving them intact.

Then not knowing what else to do, I get back into my X-Wing and begin my preparations to return to Kalkalar 6.

Pleasure & Pain: Chapter Eleven

I feel a mental summons which I want to deny. I am happy and warm in the bed, luxuriating in the feel of the satin of the sheets, and the silk of Nethi's skin.

But the summons is from my Master, so I slip out of bed, gently kissing Nethi's forehead, and once more dress.

I exit my rooms, and feel the summons pulling me across the hall, so I enter the rooms across from my own.

I look around as I realize that these are Lumiya's chambers. They are decorated in reds and black, I glimpse Lumiya in a corner sitting at a large black desk. I look directly at her, and notice the power she seems to exude.

I notice that she is not in her customary shift, but rather a long black robe, clasped at the waist. The desk doesn't have a front, and I can see her long legs as she crosses them, hear the whisper of her robe as it slides off of her legs.

I walk over and kneel before her, then raise my head to look into her eyes. "Milady."

She smiles at me, causing my heart to jump. "Rise my friend."

I stand, and notice that she is playing with the edge of her robe. The movement draws my eyes, and I focus on her hands.

I frown slightly. There was something off with her hands, as if I was expecting there to be something there that wasn't. As if she was supposed to be wearing a ring.

I give my head a slight shake, and focus on her voice, her lips.

"You are to leave for Dagobah, and kill this Jedi for me."

She turns on a hand-held hologram and it is a somewhat blurry image of a young blonde. I look close, the image is really blurry, but the girl appears to be in her mid to late twenties.

"Finding her will not be hard; she will be the only human on Dagobah. There are two other Jedi there, one a wookie the other a barabel. Do not let them see you or know that you are there."

I bow my head. "It will be as you command Milady."

I can feel her pleasure in the Force. "I take it you have been enjoying my first present for you."

I can feel a blush start to color my cheeks. "Yes, Milady."

"Good, user her as you will, she is yours. But I do have another present for you."

I look at her, and she holds out a lightsaber to me. I grasp it and instantly like the design. It is silver and black, with a small d-ring on the side. I activate it and a red blade shoots out.

Smiling I shut down the saber. "Thank you."

Lumiya stands and walks over to me, leans close to me and kisses me. Her smile sends shivers down my spine; her sultry voice gives me goose bumps. "Please don't let me down, serve me, so I can bring you more and more pleasure."

She caresses my cheek and then returns to her desk.

"Now go to your task."

I turn and leave the room.

My first stop is my chambers. Nethi is still where I left her, tangled in the sheets. I smile at the simplicity of her posture, the innocence she exudes while sleeping.

I get my holster and blaster, attach my saber to my belt, and compose a note for Nethi, to let her know that I'm going on a short mission.

I stand and watch her for a moment, my mind flashing back over the past few hours, the time we shared in the bath and in the bed. I have a strong desire to just crawl back into the bed with her, and pull the blankets over my head and hide. Then I feel my Master's impatience, and desire that I should be on my way.

A fleeting memory of pain slides through my body at the thought of her disappointment.

Sighing, I turn from Nethi and leave the room once more.

I go to the armory and get the few things I think I will need for my mission, a couple of spare power packs for the blaster, two or three class-a thermal detonators and a couple of ration packs.

As I walk to the hanger, I realize that I am whistling, happy, eager to complete my task and return to Nethi.

If it wasn't for that dark empty hole where my hopes and dreams used to be, I'd be complete.

I smile as I see a lone X-Wing sitting in the hanger, waiting for me.

I launch glorifying in the feel of flight, the feel of an x-wing. I twist and turn, reveling in the simple pleasure, the feel of understated power which a snub fighter gives.

I laugh at the near ecstasy which flight imparts.

I feel Lumiya's urging once more, and put the fighter on the proper trajectory for Dagobah.

A quick pull of the hyperspace levers and I am off. On my way to Dagobah, still whistling.

Pleasure & Pain: Chapter Ten

I awake on the large bed, naked and alone. I feel empty without the pain the robe provided.

I sit up and look around once more, noticing details that I had been too distracted to pay attention to previously.

Little things such as the marble desk and small food prep station, the style and coloring of the other furniture. Even the color and texture of the sheets. It all gives me a strange feeling of having been here before.

It feels like someone rummaged through my head, and found all the details I would want in the perfect room, and then made it for me here.

I swing my legs out of the bed, and there kneeling before me is Nethi. Her legs tucked under her, her head bowed.

I smile at the sight of her, and can feel my desire for her. "Nethi! I have missed you."

"How may I be of service to you Milord?"

As she says these words I feel a surge of lust flow through me, yet of more immediate concern to me is the fact that she refuses to look at me. "Nethi, why won't you look at me?"

In the Force, I can feel the sorrow coming off of her now. "It is not proper for a sl-slave to look upon her Master without leave."

I push down the feelings of power, control and dominance those words invoke in me. "Slave?"

"Yes, Lady Lumiya has g-given me to you, to do with as you wish, t-t-to do as you wish."

"Nethi, look at me please."

She raises her head at my bidding, and I am once more mesmerized by her eyes, that shade of green sings to me. I see the unshed tears in her eyes, and can feel her fear and sadness in the Force.

A large part of me revels in that fear.

I look at her, and place my hand on the side of her face. She leans into my hand, her eyes closing, and a look of peace crossing her features.

"Can we please not change our relationship? Can we pretend I'm still in the other room, and you're the pretty girl that comes and takes care of me?"

She opens her eyes, and those unshed tears, threaten to fall. "Okay."

I notice her lip is trembling. I slip out of the bed and slide to the floor and kiss her, hold her.

Then the threatened tears do start to flow.

I hold her as she cries the tears out, and falls asleep in my arms.

I pick her up and lay her on the bed, and go to the wardrobe. Opening it, I find about a dozen outfits. All black, all cut along military lines, tunic, pants, and boots. I sigh slightly, as I was hoping for my robe or one like it.

I quickly dress, and find a holster and belt. I slip those on as well, and open a drawer to find a blaster.

I frown slightly at the wardrobe. I frown not because something is missing, but because everything in it is placed in what I would consider a natural position. As if I had put away everything.

I close the doors to the wardrobe with a frown on my face, and hear a rustle from the direction of the bed.

I turn, and Nethi is sitting up, looking abashed. "I'm sorry I lost control like that."

I give her a smile, wondering if someone had been giving her lessons in basic. Her Vong accent, they way they use odd or arcane words and syntax, seemed less pronounced as she spoke that time.

I shake my head to clear my thoughts and focus on what she's saying. "Milord, please get undressed again; Lady Lumiya made it clear you should bathe prior to your next audience with her. I'll go draw your bath."

As she finishes talking, she slips off the bed and rushes into the refresher and I can hear the bath being drawn.

I realize I'm smiling and it takes me a second to figure out why.

I could see her toes.

I strip as I walk to the refresher, and catch sight of myself in a floor to ceiling mirror. I can understand now why Lumiya demanded I take a bath. Looking closer at my reflection I realize that I am about the same age as when I died at Mrykr, maybe two or three years older. I give my reflection a smirk and turn towards the tub, but see it still empty.

I continue my turn, and see Nethi standing next to a second, larger, sunken tub, more of a hutt bath than anything else. Yet it is not the tub that has my attention.

As I watch her, she releases her shift, and I watch as it slips down her body. I just admire her trim, athletic figure, and notice that she has very few scars; in fact the most prominent ones are the three on her forehead marking her as domain Kwaad.

She slips into the water and holds out her hand. "Come, it is time for your bath."

I take her hand, and slip into the water after her. I walk over to her, and taking her other hand, wrap my arms around her, pinning her arms behind her. She looks up at me, her green eyes holding a confused, expectant expression as I claim her lips.

As I claim her.

All thoughts of bathing are banished from my mind.

Pleasure & Pain: Chapter Nine

I wait, but Nethi does not come to see me. I wonder about that, and it makes me sad. I enjoy her visits; enjoy the sight of her toes.

I wonder if she somehow found out the contents of those dreams of mine that she is featured in. I wonder if she did find out, if they would scare her or excite her.

I feel the lessening of the pain and in walks Lumiya. Her smile is gone this time, she appears tired and haggard. Like her sorrow has beaten her, and left this shell in her place. "Please Anakin, today is your final chance. Serve me, please?"

"I, I will not kill Neth…Tahiri."

I silently curse myself at my own confusion.

She sighs, and leans against a control panel. "This is the final small task I have. After you complete this task, then you must make a decision on serving me and getting released from this pain, getting Nethi, or not serving me, and rotting here, in pain, never to see Nethi again."

I bark a laugh. "What am I to kill today Lumiya?"

She releases me from the repulser, and I stand. I miss that feeling of wholeness that I used to get when I stood.

She presses a button on the panel beside her. "Today, kill as you desire, stop the heart, chocking, lightning, even rip it apart with the Force. It matters not."

As soon as she finishes talking, the doors open and in walk two of her guards. They are carrying a young human female, not a girl, but not yet an adult, around my age, with brunette hair and blue eyes. She's pretty, in a girl next door type of way. I can feel her terror in the Force. It fills me, sustains me for what I know I am about to do.

Yet I still hesitate. Lumiya's voice is harsh, compelling, demanding. "Kill her, kill her now."

As Lumiya announces her fate, the girl starts to scream and kick. She attempts to get away from the guards. Yet their grips on her arms hold her there. And the two guards finally subdue her, one of them holding her head up so that she is forced to watch me.

I look to Lumiya as she stands on the other side of the room from me. I can feel the sorrow well up from my heart. "Who is she? What has she done to deserve death?"

"It matters not who she is, as for death, it comes to us all. Now, kill her."

I close my eyes and gather to the Force to me. "Open your eyes and watch."

I sigh and open my eyes back up, and find myself staring into the girl's terror-filled ones. I can hear her whispered plea. "Please don't kill me."

For a moment, I watch as the tears slide down her cheeks.

I press my lips together tightly and stretch out my arm. I feel my hate gather at my fingertips. Not hate for this innocent girl, and the Force screams at me her innocence, but hate for myself, hate for what I have done, for what I am about to do, and hate for what I have become. I gather my hate and I let it fly.

I notice that I am crying, but the tears have as much of an effect on me as the girl's screams for mercy. I just send wave after wave of Force Lightning at her, until she stops moving.

Until her presence in the Force is gone.

I do not stop. I feel the anger and hate, as I turn the lightning on the two guards as well. I smile coldly as they drop limply to the ground, the burns from my lightning adding odd blackened marks to their armor.

I turn to Lumiya and feel a surge of desire and power as she smiles at me.

"Will you serve me? Do as I command? Will you accept my gift of Nethi?"

I hesitate as I open my mouth. The mantra is on the tip of my tongue, an automatic response, but I stop it.

I push down that deep part of my mind which is screaming at me to not give in, bury it under my anger and hate, and lock gazes with Lumiya.

"Yes, yes I will serve you."

"Kneel. Do you swear allegiance to me, to your new Master?"

I kneel before her, silently wondering if having me in this position before her gives her that same sense of power that having Nethi kneeling before me gives me. "Yes Milady."

"Rise, Darth Rachat."

I look at her, and she smiles and starts walking from the room. I stand and watch her. She pauses in the doorway, and looks over her shoulder at me. "Are you coming?"

I smile sheepishly and start following her.

She gives me a brief tour of the facilities. She shows me the armory, the brig and cafeteria. We walk pass one door, which appears older than the rest of the facility and I ask about it. She merely says that I should never go down that hall, and we continue our tour.

We finally arrived at a portion of the building that appeared to be used less than the others. "These are your chambers."

She pushes open the doors and I glimpse an exquisitely appointed room. Something my mom would love. I see the large bed, and glimpse a tub in the 'fresher.

I feel the large smile on my face and turn to my Mistress. "Thank you."

She looks my way, and runs her hand down my cheek; I notice that it still leaves a trail of fire where she touches me. "I promised you relief from the pain if you served me."

She walks into the rooms, and looks at me, a smile on her face.

I walk in after her, walk to her.

She leans in close, her lips brushing mine. "Thank you Lord Rachat."

Then she kisses me, and I'm enthralled in her motions.

Pleasure & Pain: Chapter Eight

Sometimes I wonder if Lumiya is playing with my perception of time. Occasionally it seems as if the visits from her or Nethi are right on the heels of one another and at other times I feel like days or weeks have passed.

In the end, I decide it doesn't matter. I have my pain, and the visits by them.

I feel the robe begin the pain lessening which indicates one of them is approaching. If my memory serves, it should be Lumiya.

And it is.

She is once more in a shift, but this time, it is undone all way to her navel. Her skin glistens with water, and her hair is still wet, as if she had just gotten out of the shower. The swell of her breasts is obvious and they are covered even less than usual.

I wonder if everything she is doing is designed to drive me mad with lust or to distraction with frustration.

Either way, it works.

She steps up close, the bare skin of her breast there before me; she pulls back my head by my hair, her smile is aggressive, sexy.

"Please Anakin, serve me. I need you to stop this pain for me. I suffer so."

Absently, I wonder when she got so good at pushing my buttons, at saying things that I respond to.

Regardless, I repeat my mantra. "I will not kill Tahiri."

My restraints reveal a new function, rather than an electrical shock, they burn. I hiss at the difference.

"I guess there are still a few more small tasks that you can do for me. But I will soon run out, and then you will face the choice of serving me, or to remain in this room, in those restraints until you die. Please Anakin; I don't want that to happen to you. I need you too much."

I brace myself for the pain. "I will not kill Tahiri."

She sighs, as the pain lessens. "Okay, I have this small troublesome task for you. But a couple of differences, today, no heart stopping, and no lightning."

I frown, and she smiles at me, like a child just given a new toy.

Then she turns and walks from the room. Moments later, she returns once more followed by two guards. This time they are escorting what I clearly recognize as a rodian.

As they get closer, I see the glassy eyes, and coral implants of a Vong slave.

The repulser releases me, and I stand. I look at the rodian, and feel my heart sink even further than it already had. "You want me to kill him?"

Lumiya is once again behind me, I can feel the heat of her skin on my back. "Yes. He is merely a slave, he will be better off dead. Can you not feel the pain the coral implants cause him, how it frays his very life essence. End his suffering."

I look at him in the Force, and see the fraying she is talking about. I hear someone asking "How?"

As Lumiya whispers in my ear, I realize that it was me that had asked. "Use the Force to choke him. Reach out and close his windpipe. Crush his throat until he is released from his suffering."

I reach out and grasp the rodian's throat with the Force. I can see the glassiness disappear from his eyes. I can feel his fear in the Force. I can hear him attempt to speak.

I absently realize that I'm crying.

Then I feel Lumiya's lips against my neck, and I smile. The realization that I am releasing this poor soul from slavery fills me. I can feel my anger at the Vong, at this Rodian for not fighting to the death. I want to kill him because he gave in. I press with the Force harder, strangling him, as Lumiya continues to nibble on my neck.

I release the Force and he falls to the ground dead. I feel the satisfaction of his release and the tears on my face.

Once more I hear someone else speaking. "I am damned."

Once more I realize that it was me.

Then Lumiya is holding me, whispering that everything is okay, that if I serve her the pain will be over, that I can posses Nethi, even as she is kissing my face and neck.

Part of me wants to give in; to take what she is offering, to stop the pain, to have Nethi for my own. I find it hard to think of the reason I shouldn't. I open my mouth to agree, to give in.

Instead I say "I will not kill Tahiri."

My restraints deliver my punishment for defiance.

Lumiya grabs me by the arm, and drags me back over to the repulser and places me once more within it.

She looks at me; everything about her screams danger, everything about her excites me. "I grow weary of giving you chances. Anakin, soon you will no longer have the option to serve me."

She turns from me, and picks up the rodian, and drops him in front of me, so that when I recline naturally, I am staring into his dead eyes.

Lumiya walks away from me and the pain spirals up from my heart, outshining what the robe provides.

I feel my tears, and watch the eyes of the dead rodian.

Pleasure & Pain: Chapter Seven

I hang there in the pain, and try to figure out the emptiness within me. Why do I feel so dark, so dirty?

I remembered how hollow my last words to Lumiya were, so I say them again. “I will not kill Tahiri.”

I try to remember what Tahiri looks like, the sound of her voice. I can remember her golden hair, and green eyes. Why do all these girls have green eyes? I try to remember how Sannah’s yellow ones look, or Tionne’s silver ones, but all I see are green, the shade of Nethi’s eyes.

I remember the three vertical scars on Tahiri’s forehead, the sign of her shaping, of Domain Kwaad, which takes my thoughts back to Nethi.

And thoughts of Nethi remind me of how she looked kneeling in front of me. Her head lowered her demeanor coy. I can see how she kneels in front of me, everything about her screaming both innocence and depravity.

Frowning, I yank my thoughts back to Tahiri. I try to remember the sound of her voice, but I still can’t. I randomly remember that she doesn’t wear shoes, that she considered them a torture for our toes.

Thoughts of toes, remind me of how Nethi wiggled hers the day I asked to see them. That particular brand of innocence she exuded while she wiggled her toes, that innocent air that inflamed me so.

I say my mantra again. “I will not kill Tahiri.”

It still sounds hollow, fake. I think it might have something to do with the fact that Tahiri has no meaning for me any longer. There is only Lumiya and Nethi.

For some odd reason, that particular thought evokes both despair and happiness in me.

“I will not kill Nethi.”

That sounds right. That has meaning.

“I will not kill Tahiri.”

Still nothing, but I know that it should have meaning. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I should never entertain thoughts of killing Tahiri.

The concept of shadows brings me back to Nethi and her hair.

I sigh as I can feel the pain from my robe lessen, and I wonder if Nethi is going to bring me a meal of Yuuzhan Vong.

I frown at the heartlessness of that thought. I remember a time when I cared more than that.

I dispel my concerns as the door opens, and Nethi walks in. I smile as she is once more barefoot. I drink up her appearance in the simple shift. I am enamored at her air of naughty-innocence. My mood lifts at the thoughts it invokes.

I watch as she kneels before me and begins the task of cutting my food.

“Yuuzhan Vong warrior is not on today’s menu is it?”

She looks up at me, a look of shock on her face. “No! It is merely a nerf steak.”

I continue to watch as she cuts the meat, and wonder if I should be glad or not.

She begins to lower me to the point where she can feed me. “Can you lower me all the way to the ground today?”

She hesitates.

I continue. “And then share my meal with me?”

She gives a small bow of her head, hiding the smile I can feel is there. “As you wish.”

She lowers me to the ground, and I sit in front of her cross-legged, a large silly grin on my face.

After we shared the meal, I continue watching her for a moment. “Tell me about your past.”

She lowers her head. “I do not remember much. I remember growing in a crèche on a worldship. I remember being on Yavin 4 during the shaper fiasco there. My domain lost a lot during that, at the hands of she-who-was-shaped. I remember dreams of twin suns. But most of my memories are of Lumiya and serving her here. I do as she bids.”

As she finished talking, her mouth has formed a small half-smile. She raises her head and captures my gaze once more. “Tell me of yours.”

So I do. I tell her of growing up on Coruscant and Yavin, of my Jedi training, of my time on Dathomir with Aunt Mara. Then I tell her of that fatal mission to Myrkr.

For some reason, I don’t tell her about the kiss Tahiri and I shared on that space station.

As I finish the story, she picks up my plate and stands. I stand in front of her. Once more her manner is coy, her head bowed slightly. I can’t decide if her subservience frustrates or excites me. I force myself to focus on her words. “I must go; I have other duties to attend to.”

Part of me does not want her to go. Yet there is another part of me screaming for her to do so, it wants the pain to come back.

So, I do what I feel I should. I grab her face and kiss her.

It’s only the second time that I have kissed her, but it feels so right, so perfect.

She drops the plate she is holding, and presses herself against me. She is as lost in the moment as I. My hand slide down her body away from her face and encircles her, drawing her ever closer to me.

I pull away from the kiss, and look down at her. I had never noticed that I was taller than her, but it seems fitting, appropriate somehow. Her breathing is heavy, her eyes closed, her lips parted slightly. She is instinctively leaning up to me.

I can’t resist. I have to kiss her again. So I do.

Then I can feel the burn of Force Lightning covering my body, coating our bodies.

I can hear my screams, intermingled with Nethi’s.

Then the lightning stops and Lumiya lifts me effortlessly and flings me back into the repulser. She turns to Nethi and snarls. “Remember your place. You do things on my command. There are others you could be given to.”

Then Lumiya backhands her. I strain against my bonds, an inarticulate growl erupting from my throat.

Lumiya stares at Nethi for a moment more. “Go to your chambers.”

Then she turns to me as Nethi flees from the room. She caresses my cheek, and I can feel the fire trailing after her fingers. Her voice is filled with sorrow. “Anakin, you have not promised to serve me, you cannot have Nethi unless you do so.”

I shiver as her fingers go back up the side of my face. She grabs my hair and pulls back on it hard, lifting my face so I’m staring up at her.

I can feel the anger and hate. I hate her. I hiss out my mantra. “I will not kill Nethi.”

Lumiya gives me that predatory smile again and kisses me hard. I feel my lust for her erupt; my anger and hate are forgotten in the flow of my desire.

She drops my head, and begins her slow, teasing, walk away from me. I belatedly realize that I had misspoken my mantra. “Tahiri, I will not kill Tahiri.”

Lumiya ignores me and leaves the room, leaving me alone with my comfortable old friend, and my despair.

Pleasure & Pain: Chapter Six

I wonder if I have become dependent upon the pain. I feel that I have. I miss it when Lumiya or Nethi are beside me. In its own way it is comforting, familiar.

I can relate to the pain.

I sigh slightly as I feel the pain begin to lessen. I open my eyes and watch the door as Lumiya enters once more. She is smiling again, happy over something.

She caresses my check, the trail of her fingers burning, and I smile at the simple gesture.

It is the little things that make me feel good.

I consider all the little tasks I have done for her, the droid, the whisperkit, the nexu, and a dozen or so other creatures that I can't remember what are called. All of them, all of my victims, are little holes and scars on my heart.

And Nethi usually brings me them for supper, one I happily consume. I smile at the thought of her, as she has not worn shoes in my presence since I asked to see her toes. I absently wish she would kiss me again.

Lumiya looks at me, sorrow filling her gaze, and I know what she's going to ask of me. It has almost become a mantra between us. It is our little ritual that we do, one which allows the killing to happen, one that is required so that I can return to the pain.

"Please serve me Anakin, allow me to take away your pain, to give you Nethi. You want that do you not?"

It's my turn now. "I will not kill Tahiri."

I close my eyes in anticipation of the pain, and am not disappointed.

"Then can you do yet another small task for me?"

I smile indulgently, she knows that I will.

She turns around, and the pain increases as she goes to fetch what she wants me to kill today.

In moments, she returns, behind her are two of her guards, stormtroopers in red armor. They carry a Yuuzhan Vong warrior between them, and drop him before me.

I look at the warrior, and look at Lumiya, confusion evident on my face.

She reaches out and caresses my cheek. "This is Cheeth Lah. He is the crèche mate, the brother, of Tsavong Lah, the Warmaster who demanded the deaths of your brother and sister, who had the voxyn created. This is the brother of the Warmaster who had Tahiri shaped."

Lumiya's hand is playing in my hair as I look at the warrior, a feeling of hate seething in me. He and his family have caused untold hardship for me and mine, his bloodline was responsible for Tahiri's pain, for my death. I long for his death.

"Will you kill him for me?"

I want to, yet part of me balks at the thought of killing him. I look to Lumiya, "Why?"

"Must we cover this ground again Anakin? You know why, obedience in these small tasks, brings you rewards, brings you visits from Nethi. Obedience stops the pain. Besides, he's just a vong. An animal. No better than that feral nek yesterday."

I turn my attention downwards again. "But…"

I snap my mouth shut, cutting off what I was going to say, as I remember my Aunt's thoughts on those who say the word "but."

I fall to the ground as Lumiya shuts off the repulser. I stand, and watch as she walks back to me, for the first time, I notice her scent. It is intoxicating. I reach out to grab her, to posses her, but she puts her hand up between us, stopping me.

I can feel a small whimper escape my lips.

She leans in close to me; I can feel the heat coming from her body as she whispers in my ear, "Take care of Lah for me Anakin. Do you not want to please me?"

I hoarsely whisper "Yes."

Reaching out with the Force, I realize that I cannot stop his heart as I have done to so many other creatures lately, as I have done so often to please her. I can't feel him in the Force at all. I look to Lumiya for guidance.

She walks around me, behind me, and leans against my back. Her arms snake around me, as she is once more whispering in my ear. "They can be affected by Force Lightning. Gather your hate, your anger. Can you feel it there, now channel it down your arm, and throw it at Lah."

I do as she commands; I can feel the hate, the power, the anger. It gathers at my fingertips and I can feel it burst forth. The lightning erupts from my hand, and slams into the warrior as Lumiya begins kissing my neck, a trail of kisses, alternating between ice cold and fiery hot.

He screams as I find myself laughing.

I stop the lightning, and see the smoke curling off his body, looking closer; I can see he still breathes. I feel a cold smile curl my lips, as I let loose the lightning once more, I revel in my anger and hate.

I feel Lumiya's hands running up and down my body, across my chest, inside my robe, which had come undone at some point, leaving little trails of fire wherever her fingers touch. My smile just grows larger as I hear the crying, the whimpering.

I stop to admire my handiwork once again.

Lumiya whispers in my ear. "Once more."

She nibbles my ear and I let the lightning fly again, finally killing the Vong.

For some reason, I feel empty. I feel like I had done something wrong. I absently reach up and wipe away a tear.

Then Lumiya is in front of me again. Her lips pressed against mine, and all doubts vanish. Still kissing me, she leads me back to the repulser as it turns on. She gently caresses my cheek as she says, "You have done well, but will you please serve me? I do not wish to see you return to your pain so soon."

"I will not kill Tahiri."

My mantra sounds hollow to me now. It is like I had crossed some line, one that means that I could, that I would, kill Tahiri.

Without saying another word Lumiya turns from me, and walks away. My friend the pain slowly creeps up and for the first time in a long time, I find myself crying, and I'm not entirely sure why.

Pleasure & Pain: Chapter Five

I sink into the pain, letting it wash over me, getting lost on its current, becoming oblivious to what’s happening around me. I lose track of myself and of time.

Then I can fell the pain start to lessen, to release me from its embrace.

I open my eyes, to watch Nethi walk, no saunter, towards me. The shift she wears today catches my eye; it’s just as tight, just as small as Lumiya’s. Even though it appears to be identical to Lumiya’s it seems to reveal more, while at the same time hiding everything. There is a mischievous sparkle in her green eyes.

I blink my eyes, twice. I’m confused; I could have sworn there were blonde highlights in her black hair. I find myself shivering slightly, and return to watching her walk toward me. Her movements are pure warrior, no hint of the dancer, yet still graceful, powerful, seductive.

I have a very funny desire, one that’s almost overwhelming. I want to see her toes, but she’s wearing some type of closed-toe sandal.

She is carrying a plate of some roasted meat and various vegetables. My mouth starts to water as she comes closer.

I feel a hunger in the pit of my stomach, one that is hard to ignore with her in the room.

She kneels in front me, and begins to cut the meat. I wonder if she places herself in that position just for me.

I wonder if her position does the same thing to Vong males, as it does to human males.

She lowers the power to the repulser, bringing my face closer to where she kneels, and lifts the first bite to my lips. “Partake.”

Somewhat inappropriate plays on the word flit through my mind, and with an effort I push those thoughts away..

The meat is good. It holds a gamey flavor, as if it was a wild animal recently killed, but it is prepared perfectly. It is a delicious, tender cut of meat.

It evokes a feeling of bliss, almost as good as that drink of water or Tahiri’s kisses.

Absently, I wonder why I always think of Tahiri when in the presence of Nethi and Aunt Mara while around Lumiya.

Then, she’s holding the next bite to my lips, and my thoughts once more focus on the simple pleasure of eating, of being fed, of being sated.

Again, I think of the oddly subservient role she is taking in these things. It just seems so alien to what I consider Yuuzhan Vong.

I wonder what caste she had been. Some part of me says Shaper, but she has so few scars and both hands are real.

Then the next bite is given to me, and thought once more flees my mind.

And that is how the meal progresses, I have some random thought about family, life and these odd circumstances, and then I am given a bite of food, and my train of thought is dashed. All too soon, the food is gone.

Nethi looks up at me, expectantly, hopefully.

I want to look away, look anywhere but into her eyes. I resort to lowering mine. “That was delicious Nethi, but I did not recognize the taste. What was it?”

I hear her laugh; no it was to short, to mischievous, to be a laugh, it was a giggle, a soft musical sound. One so out of place with what I think of as Vong that once again I look into her eyes and am mesmerized.

That mischievous look had moved from her eyes to her smile. “Whisperkit.”

“What? What was it?”

“Whisperkit.”

“Why would you kill a whisperkit to feed it to me?”

“You killed it Anakin.”

I could feel the despair at what I did to that whisperkit fill me again. Nethi sensed my mood change, as she reached up and touched my face. “It’s okay Anakin, it was only a whisperkit. Look at me.”

The command seemed so out of place for someone kneeling in front of me that I obeyed.

“It’s okay. Obeying what Lumiya says, doing as she commands is a good thing.”

Then she kisses me.

I feel a shock run through me, not unlike the ones delivered by my restraints. Oddly, I can feel the same shock running through her as well. And I can feel the surprise she feels at the shock.

She pulls back, and resumes her kneeling position, lowering her head again.

It takes me a moment to catch my breath, and get my thoughts back into order.

I watch the top of her head, and notice that her breathing is heavy, almost a pant. “Nethi, can I see your toes?”

Her head pops up fast, the surprise at my request evident in her green eyes. Rather than answering verbally, she leans and slips her legs out from underneath her. Then she removes her sandals, revealing her toes. Pink, perfect, human.

I smile at her as she wiggles her toes. “That is how you should be, without shoes.”

She returns my smile and whispers “As you wish, Anakin.”

I find it amazing how just the removal of her sandals changes her; she appears so innocent and carefree now. I desire that innocence.

She resumes her position of kneeling in front of me, with her head bowed, and I hear the door open. I look up and see Lumiya walk into the room. Her smile is once more predatory.

“You know Anakin; there are other benefits to serving me, besides just the end of this pain.”

I look at her. “I will not kill Tahiri.”

I notice Nethi tense at my mention of Tahiri’s name.

Lumiya continues on, as if I had not spoken. “You could have Nethi; you could posses her, do with her as you please.”

As she speaks these words, I see Nethi raise her head slightly, the shock on her face and in her Force presence. Lumiya sends a glare her way, and Nethi is once more the subservient maiden kneeling before me.

Lumiya smiles at me. “I want to give you these things, an end to this pain, Nethi for your own. Yet to do so, you must serve me.”

She leans in close, her lips brushing mine. “Please Anakin, serve me.”

“I will not kill Tahiri.”

Lumiya, spins from me, and begins walking from the room. Her voice is filled with sorrow as she speaks, “Come Nethi, there is nothing more for you to do in here today.”

I watch Nethi walk out of the room, and catch the quick, furtive glance she throws over her shoulder towards me. As she goes out into the hallway, I can feel an emptiness looming within me, an emptiness that the pain cannot fill. Yet I am happy, for she leaves without her shoes on.

Pleasure & Pain: Chapter Four

I’m not sure when the slimy things stopped, but at some point they did, and fell off or were taken away. My robe was placed over my shoulders again, granting me that comfortable pain, my one companion since I awoke.

I feel a slight pinprick on my arm. The pinprick is noticeable, because the pain from the robe is once more gone. I open my eyes to find Lumiya standing before me. I glance at my arm, and notice the IV feed going to a device hanging beside me.

“What’s that?”

Again, that smile of hers, causing my heart to jump. “Merely a saline solution.”

She runs her hand through my hair, down the side of my face, and cups my chin in her hand. Her voice is purring once again. “You’ve been a very, very good boy, so I don’t want you becoming dehydrated.”

I take in her form again, the smooth skin, the barely there shift, the red hair. “So are you ready to serve me? Or must this pain continue? Please Anakin, it truly hurts me to see you suffer so, you have the power to stop it, just serve me, and it will be over.”

Her look is pleading, breaking my heart, so I let my gaze fall to the floor. “I won’t kill Tahiri.”

As soon as the words are out of my mouth, my restraints let lose a strong electric jolt.

She turns her back to me, and walks from the room, the pain from my robe picking up as she leaves.

I’m not sure if I should be happy or sad over that.

She returns carrying something small and furry in her hands. I notice that the pain the robe gives lessens as she comes closer to me. She lifts the small furry bundle and I recognize a young whisperkit. Its mews sound weak and pitiful.

I can feel its fear in the Force.

Lumiya’s entire stance and bearing has become aggressive, dangerous. I can feel a surge of lust and adrenaline pour through me.

She touches a small control panel, and the repulser drops me. I stand for the first time in days, and that feeling of wholeness once more fills me.

“Then let us stay with the simple tasks. Kill this whisperkit.”

“What? Why?”

“Must we go through this every time? The small tasks, serving me, these things stop the pain. What other reason do you need? The droid posed no trouble, what is different with this small kitling?”

“It’s…it’s alive?”

“Semantics. From a certain point of view the same could be said of the droid. In fact more so, since some consider droids as being sentient.”

I can remember the screams that the droid made. Whoever programmed it was good, it had sounded so much like a pleading child. “I can’t do that.”

Even as I say the words, I wonder if they’re true. After all, she had a point; I have always viewed Threepio or Artoo as more alive than anything Jace kept in his menagerie.

Her voice takes on a pleading note. “Please Anakin, just kill this whisperkit. That’s all I ask.”

I look up at her, and notice that her shift is opened slightly wider, her free hand moving along the opening. Her voice is now throaty as she continues pleading; it reminds me of Aunt Mara’s voice on our mission to Duro, when she was dressed up as a Kuati noble. “Please Anakin, do it for me.”

I can’t help myself at that. I reach out in the Force, and shut down the whisperkit’s heart, feeling my own break, my soul darkening in ways I can’t describe, and I can feel the tears as they begin to fall.

I hear myself mutter, “I’m damned.”

Yet to my own ears it sounds like someone else had said it.

Then Lumiya is there, her body pressing up against me. Her excitement and happiness are infectious. She leans down and kisses me, and all thoughts of the whisperkit flee. I’m locked in the moment. This time, because the restraints are turned off, my arms move of their own accord and wrap around her. My hands get tangled in her long red hair.

She breaks the kiss, and leans in close to my ear. “Serve me, obey me, and the pain will stop. Please Anakin, for me.”

I shiver at the words, how they feel as she whispers them into my ear. How they feel as they lodge into my mind.

I lower my face once more, and turn from her. I know she won’t like what I’m about to say. “I won’t kill Tahiri.”

As soon as the words are out of my mouth, my restraints send the strongest jolt of pain through me yet.

Her look is one of sorrow and pain.

She slowly pushes me back towards the repulser and turns it back on. I find myself once more floating slightly above the ground.

Her lips feel like fire on my forehead as she places a gentle kiss there. “Because you did the task I asked Nethi will be in later to provide you some food. I really wish you would serve me Anakin. Then we can stop this pain.”

I say nothing, and absently wonder which pain she is referring to. My eyes are looking down, watching the bottom of her shift as it moves against her legs.

She turns from me and walks from the room. I watch the bottom of her shift as it whispers against her legs as she leaves, my robe granting me more and more pain with her every step away.

Pleasure & Pain: Chapter Three

I hang in the dark, trying my best to ignore the pain and shocks and thirst. I try to ignore my hungers.

Yet as I hang there with my eyes closed visions of Lumiya, Aunt Mara, and Tahiri flow before my mind’s eye. They are mixing becoming one entity. I dismiss thoughts of my own insanity.

As those visions and thoughts flow through my head, I feel an odd sensation. A hand has grasped my leg, and a semi-moist sand papery feeling thing is rubbing down the other side.

It really is an odd sensation, one that makes me think of home, of happier times. Of childhood. I know I have felt it before, so I focus on what it is, what it means.

Then I realize what it is. I can feel someone giving me a sponge bath. I open my eyes, and look down. There kneeling before me is a Yuuzhan Vong. Not the one I spat on when I first awoke, but a different one, another one that I can feel in the Force. She’s holding some type of sea sponge, and washing my legs. I feel a surge of lust and power flow through me at her posture and bearing.

I watch her, as she carries out her task. Dip in the water. Slowly rub down my leg. I notice that she wears the same type of shift as Lumiya; I also note that she appears to be around my age, or at least the age I was when I died, maybe a few years older, at most 20 standard years.

Her black hair is long and loose, covering her shoulders.

I can only assume she feels my stare, because she lifts her head and looks into my eyes. I notice she has green eyes as well. A green I could get lost in. Warm where Lumiya’s are cold. I frown as I look at the three scars on her forehead, wondering where I had seen them before. When my mouth goes dry, it has nothing to do with dehydration.

I find the scars strangely compelling. I think I want to kiss them.

“What’s your name?” I notice that my voice is not nearly as gritty as it had been while talking to Lumiya.

She smiles at me, and I notice that she has no scars on her lips. “I am called Nethi Kwaad.”

Her voice is sultry, causing me to shiver.

For some reason, I am happy that her lips are unscarred. I have seen to many warriors with frayed lips. Of all the wounds and scars they did to themselves, the Yuuzhan Vong desire to cut and flay their lips was one that caused me the most confusion.

Maybe it’s because all the women I have loved have full, supple lips.

She stands, and lowers my robe, causing all of those little daggers to slowly pull from my skin. I can almost feel her smile as she does this, at the fact that I don’t scream at the pain.

Oddly, I am smiling as well.

She walks around me, and I can feel her begin her ministrations to my back. I consider it. It is a very sensual feeling. One of subservience. I idly wish that my restraints were loosened, so I could turn to see her again.

She finishes my back, and moves back in front of me, her head lowered. I briefly wonder if she’s acting coy.

She raises her head, and captures my gaze. Then runs her hand through my hair; her face inches from mine. “You pleased Lady Lumiya immensely today Anakin.”

I find myself shivering once more, as she gently bites my lip.

I close my eyes to the sensation, and unbidden an image of my Tahiri rises up in my mind’s eye. I see her blonde hair flashing in the golden light of Tattooine’s sun. How it felt when she would bite my lip in a similar manner. I hear myself whisper, “Tahiri.”

Nethi’s blow swings my face around; I can feel the sting, the pain. I can taste the blood from my cracked lip.

Her eyes flare with defiance. “You would do well to remember who is around you. Lady Lumiya may allow you to mention that Jeedai with such impunity, but I will not.”

She then walks back behind me. I briefly wonder if she’s going to continue giving me a sponge bath.

As she drops the first of the slimy things on my back, I realize probably not.

I control my shivers of disgust as the things begin sliding around my back.

I bite my tongue, to hold in my scream, as the things begin to bite me.

She walks back in front of me, and roughly pulls my head back by my hair. Her green eyes flashing fire and anger. “We could have had fun together, but you had to go and bring her up. You had to start the pain again.”

She shakes her head in disgust and releases my head, which slumps forward, my chin to my chest.

I can feel the slimy things, with their simple mission: move, bite, release, repeat.

I hear myself sob. “I’m sorry.”

Move, bite, release, repeat.

My heart sinks as Nethi lifts the container of water, and dumps it upon my head. “Think next time.”

Move, bite, release, repeat.

My heart sinks even further as she says one final thing, her voice a hiss. “Dummy.”

Move, bite, release, repeat.

As Nethi walks away, I once more notice that where the robe covers my skin, the pain increases. I wonder which one is worse, what my body is feeling or what my heart is.

The things on my back ignore her leaving, as they do the screams that finally erupt from my lips.

Move, bite, release, repeat.

Pleasure & Pain: Chapter Two

My restraints hold me aloft, immobile. I am angled so that I have to force my head up to see straight ahead. If I relax into the restraints, I see a nice view of the floor, and the repulser-style mechanism which keeps me lifted off the ground.

I feel weak and weary. My pain and thirst are my only companions. When I last felt like lifting my head to look at my surroundings I was subject to dizzy spells. But it has been hours since I had even felt like lifting my head, let alone actually done it.

When Lumiya kisses my forehead, I shiver from the coolness of her lips, I dredge up the energy to lift my head and open my eyes to stare into her green ones.

“Please Anakin, serve me, so that your pain can end, it hurts me so to see you suffer in this way.”

Her eyes are pleading, sorrowful. They make my heart jump.

I lick my lips, and can feel how cracked they are. My mouth is dry, and my tongue has begun to swell.

My voice is gritty, and as I speak, I wonder how long it has been since I’ve had something to drink. “I won’t kill Tahiri.”

Again, that predatory smile appears on her face as she turns from me and walks out of the room.

I wonder if this pain will be all I know until death finally takes me.

I wonder how it will feel to die from dehydration.

She returns mere moments later, followed closely by what appears at first glance to be a child. I look closer and recognize it to be a droid, one designed to be a playmate for the children of the rich and powerful.

I remember asking mom for one when I was five.

She sets something on the table beside me and I look at it, and think it the most beautiful thing in the world. It’s a simple glass of water, the condensation already beading up on it. I can even begin to smell the water in the air.

“We will try an even simpler task this time. For the glass of water, destroy this droid.”

I look at her green eyes once more, and am distracted as her tongue darts out over her lips.

“Why?”

“Why not? It’s just a droid after all.”

I force myself to focus on her eyes, and ignore how moist her lips seem. “How am I to destroy it?”

“With the Force of course. Use the pain you are feeling to give you power. Rip its arms off with your mind. I’m sure you can do it.”

“But you said to not use the Force for such mundane things.”

As I say it, I belatedly remembered that regardless of how much she looked like her, this wasn’t Aunt Mara in front of me. Lumiya for her part, only smiles that predatory smile. I notice as her eyes flicker up and down my body.

I lower my head again, my eyes traveling down her body, lingering on the edges of her shift.

I reach out to the Force, touching it, glorifying in it. I close my eyes and see everything, the dark oily presence of Lumiya and the spark that is the droid.

I bend the Force to my will, and deactivate the droid.

I open my eyes, and notice that I’m panting, exhausted. “There.”

I look to the glass of water, and see it gone.

Frowning, I look towards Lumiya, and she has it, and has just finished taking a large drink from it. I watch as a drop of water slides down her chin and drops to the floor.

I am mesmerized by that drop of water.

“The droid is not destroyed. Destroyed means not easily fixed.”

I look at Lumiya, the fire flashing in her eyes, and turn my attention once more towards the droid.

“Fine.”

I look at the droid, at how it is put together, and then I rip it to pieces with the Force. I start with the outer shell, and work my way in. Removing and separating every piece possible. I block all other sensations out of my mind, and focus on taking that droid apart.

When I finally remove the power supply, and the sound had gone away, do I realize that there had been screaming. I played the past few moments over again, and realized that the droid had screamed for mercy and for me to stop the entire time.

And I had been so mesmerized by that drop of water, the need for it so great, that I had not cared.

No, it is not that I had not cared, but more like I had been happy as it begged for mercy. I was happy that its misery and wants were so similar to my own.

I drop the power supply, and glance around at the destruction I had caused. I can feel the despair over what I had done begin to creep up from my heart.

Then Lumiya steps up before me, lifts my head and kisses me. All concern for the droid disappears. The pain disappears. My body is tingling as her lips linger on mine; I can feel the lethargy that has been my companion for days start to lift.

If the restraints did not hold my arms immobile, I would have wrapped them around her.

Then the kiss is over, the pain does not return, but I still feel the occasionally, almost gentle, electrical shocks of my restraints, and she is placing the glass to my lips. I sip some and my throat clenches.

She rips a part of her shift off, making it that much shorter, revealing that much more of her legs, and dips it in the water, then places that in my mouth.

We continue like that for a while, her slowly caring for me, slowly giving me water, while I just watch the ripped flap of her shift as it moves with her every movement.

Finally, she lifts the glass to my lips again, and I can feel the coolness of the water as it slides down my throat.

I look at her, once more caught up in her green eyes as they dance with amusement, happiness. I feel my own spirits lift.

Once more, she smiles at me. She leans in, her breath warm on my ear, her voice a soft, silky purr. “You’ve made me very happy today Anakin.”

She caresses my cheek; her hand still feels like fire against my skin. She then turns and walks away from me, and I just watch. Even her walk is like Aunt Mara’s. Graceful, as much the gait of a dancer as it is of a fighter.

Absently I am aware of the fact that the further she gets away from me, the more pain I am in.

Pleasure and Pain: Chapter One

I awaken, and feel the confusion around me. I don’t understand what I’m seeing. There are pipes and smoke and other noises. It confuses me because the last thing I remember was the fire and death on the world ship around Mrykr. I have memories of Nom Anor trying to get the thermal detonator, of Tahiri’s pain and cries in the Force as I could feel the life blood draining from me, the Force slipping away from me.

I remember dying.

How did I come to be here? Where is here.

I sit up, and feel the jelly like substance still clinging to me. I shiver as I look down, noticing my nudity. I look around, still confused by my surroundings. Some part of me hoping to see her.

Then I see her, not the one I want to see, but someone else, someone cold and metallic, someone whose Force presence is a dark oily stain on my awareness. Her red hair is pulled up into a simple braid, and she’s wearing a shift not quite large enough to cover her modestly. In fact, it reveals more than it leaves to the imagination. “What, who are you?”

She just smiles at me, which sends shivers up my spine. “I am Lumiya. Welcome back to the land of the living young one.”

I stand, and revel in the feeling of wholeness that envelopes me and notice Lumiya staring at me, a predatory smile on her face. “What?”

She runs her hands down my arms, and I get goose bumps. I can’t help but notice the resemblance to Aunt Mara, the fiery red hair, the startling green eyes. I remember the playful relationship Aunt Mara and I had shared prior to my death. Thinking of it now, with Lumiya standing before me, it was an awkward relationship, equal parts hero worship and teenage lust.

Thoughts of Aunt Mara lend awkwardness to this situation, with this woman who reminds me so much of Mara. Then you factor in how she is dressed, and my current lack of clothes.

I can only assume the lust I’m feeling is natural.

Absently I note that her hands feel like fire on my bare skin.

She picks up a white robe, with somewhat unique green stitching on it. I watch as she lays it across my shoulders and then runs her hand down the front of it, closing the robe around me.

Then I scream.

The robe is digging into my skin, thousands of tiny needles, spearing into my pores, each a point of agony. Driving me to the ground.

Then her foot is upon my throat. “If you wish to live, then you must serve me.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because you do wish to live don’t you?”

Her smile turns dark, as a female Yuuzhan Vong comes up beside her. I gasp at the realization that I can feel this Vong in the Force. The Vong leans down close to me. I shiver as she whispers in my ear, “Jeedai, you know you would like to serve Mistress Lumiya, she brought you back to life, and she can give you so many wonderful things. Including a release from this pain.”

I just spit in the Vong’s face.

I feel them binding my arms and legs, and the pain as it slowly and inexorably attacks my sanity.

Hours pass, maybe even days. I have no way of knowing. All I know is the torment that the robe provides, the random electric shocks from my arm and leg restraints, and the burning of my thirst.

Once more, Lumiya is in front of me, her voice silky and soft as she whispers in my ear, “It hurts me to see you suffer so, just say you will serve me, and your pain will be taken away. I know; you can start with something simple. Start with a single, simple, little task for me.”

I look at her, dreading what she would ask of me, knowing that if I value my sanity I must stop this pain. “What?”

“Kill this Jedi.” As she says those words, she activates a small hologram and my heart drops as it is displaying a picture of my Tahiri.

“Never!”

“So be it, if you like the pain you are feeling, you can stay here. Stay here until you do decide to take up my small meaningless task.” Her smile was once again predatory, and promising me both pleasure and pain. “After all, tomorrow is another day.”