Pleasure & Pain: Chapter Six

I wonder if I have become dependent upon the pain. I feel that I have. I miss it when Lumiya or Nethi are beside me. In its own way it is comforting, familiar.

I can relate to the pain.

I sigh slightly as I feel the pain begin to lessen. I open my eyes and watch the door as Lumiya enters once more. She is smiling again, happy over something.

She caresses my check, the trail of her fingers burning, and I smile at the simple gesture.

It is the little things that make me feel good.

I consider all the little tasks I have done for her, the droid, the whisperkit, the nexu, and a dozen or so other creatures that I can't remember what are called. All of them, all of my victims, are little holes and scars on my heart.

And Nethi usually brings me them for supper, one I happily consume. I smile at the thought of her, as she has not worn shoes in my presence since I asked to see her toes. I absently wish she would kiss me again.

Lumiya looks at me, sorrow filling her gaze, and I know what she's going to ask of me. It has almost become a mantra between us. It is our little ritual that we do, one which allows the killing to happen, one that is required so that I can return to the pain.

"Please serve me Anakin, allow me to take away your pain, to give you Nethi. You want that do you not?"

It's my turn now. "I will not kill Tahiri."

I close my eyes in anticipation of the pain, and am not disappointed.

"Then can you do yet another small task for me?"

I smile indulgently, she knows that I will.

She turns around, and the pain increases as she goes to fetch what she wants me to kill today.

In moments, she returns, behind her are two of her guards, stormtroopers in red armor. They carry a Yuuzhan Vong warrior between them, and drop him before me.

I look at the warrior, and look at Lumiya, confusion evident on my face.

She reaches out and caresses my cheek. "This is Cheeth Lah. He is the crèche mate, the brother, of Tsavong Lah, the Warmaster who demanded the deaths of your brother and sister, who had the voxyn created. This is the brother of the Warmaster who had Tahiri shaped."

Lumiya's hand is playing in my hair as I look at the warrior, a feeling of hate seething in me. He and his family have caused untold hardship for me and mine, his bloodline was responsible for Tahiri's pain, for my death. I long for his death.

"Will you kill him for me?"

I want to, yet part of me balks at the thought of killing him. I look to Lumiya, "Why?"

"Must we cover this ground again Anakin? You know why, obedience in these small tasks, brings you rewards, brings you visits from Nethi. Obedience stops the pain. Besides, he's just a vong. An animal. No better than that feral nek yesterday."

I turn my attention downwards again. "But…"

I snap my mouth shut, cutting off what I was going to say, as I remember my Aunt's thoughts on those who say the word "but."

I fall to the ground as Lumiya shuts off the repulser. I stand, and watch as she walks back to me, for the first time, I notice her scent. It is intoxicating. I reach out to grab her, to posses her, but she puts her hand up between us, stopping me.

I can feel a small whimper escape my lips.

She leans in close to me; I can feel the heat coming from her body as she whispers in my ear, "Take care of Lah for me Anakin. Do you not want to please me?"

I hoarsely whisper "Yes."

Reaching out with the Force, I realize that I cannot stop his heart as I have done to so many other creatures lately, as I have done so often to please her. I can't feel him in the Force at all. I look to Lumiya for guidance.

She walks around me, behind me, and leans against my back. Her arms snake around me, as she is once more whispering in my ear. "They can be affected by Force Lightning. Gather your hate, your anger. Can you feel it there, now channel it down your arm, and throw it at Lah."

I do as she commands; I can feel the hate, the power, the anger. It gathers at my fingertips and I can feel it burst forth. The lightning erupts from my hand, and slams into the warrior as Lumiya begins kissing my neck, a trail of kisses, alternating between ice cold and fiery hot.

He screams as I find myself laughing.

I stop the lightning, and see the smoke curling off his body, looking closer; I can see he still breathes. I feel a cold smile curl my lips, as I let loose the lightning once more, I revel in my anger and hate.

I feel Lumiya's hands running up and down my body, across my chest, inside my robe, which had come undone at some point, leaving little trails of fire wherever her fingers touch. My smile just grows larger as I hear the crying, the whimpering.

I stop to admire my handiwork once again.

Lumiya whispers in my ear. "Once more."

She nibbles my ear and I let the lightning fly again, finally killing the Vong.

For some reason, I feel empty. I feel like I had done something wrong. I absently reach up and wipe away a tear.

Then Lumiya is in front of me again. Her lips pressed against mine, and all doubts vanish. Still kissing me, she leads me back to the repulser as it turns on. She gently caresses my cheek as she says, "You have done well, but will you please serve me? I do not wish to see you return to your pain so soon."

"I will not kill Tahiri."

My mantra sounds hollow to me now. It is like I had crossed some line, one that means that I could, that I would, kill Tahiri.

Without saying another word Lumiya turns from me, and walks away. My friend the pain slowly creeps up and for the first time in a long time, I find myself crying, and I'm not entirely sure why.