Themed Drabbles Set 9

Rebirth

The girl I used to be is dead. Dead, gone, and never returning. She was ripped to shreds in an Yuuzhan Vong vivisection chamber. Tortured and shaped, bent to the point of breaking.

As I sit in this mess hall, watching the Errant Venture’s crewers, I wonder why they avoid me, why they refuse to look me in the eye.

I allow a smile to come to my lips when he steps out of the food service line. He likes that, when I show emotions.

Like I said, the girl I was is dead, but I think I’m getting better.

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Scars

I rub the scars on my forehead. Anakin asked me about them earlier, about why I keep them. I told him because I paid for them, that they’re a part of me now.

But that’s only part of the reason. As I look into the mirror, I realize the other part, the part that I did not want to admit to anybody, including myself. But most especially him.

I like the scars. I like how they look, how they feel.

How they make me feel.

They are comfortable and comforting. An outward sign of just how broken I feel inside.

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Disease

It’s like a disease. Ever time I visit Jacen, every time that he helps me come to terms with my shaping, helps me try to access this vongsense that I should have, I can feel my mind unraveling bit by bit.

Is this what it feels like to be going insane?

I noticed today that I’m starting to have black outs, large portions of time that are missing, that I can’t find. And after every session they get larger and longer.

I don’t eat anymore, I can barely sleep.

I can’t keep this up; I can’t be Barefoot Leader anymore.

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Agony

I can feel what Cilghal and Luke are doing to that Killik in the other room. Part of that scares me, that I’m so attuned to them. That I’m a Joiner, even if only partially. But the pain still hurts, still makes me smile.

I look over at the others, and see them squirming slightly. They can feel what is happening, even if they’re not as aware of it as I am. Maybe it’s because I like the pain that I recognize it for what it is.

I slip out of my seat as the others get up to leave.

---

Healing

I curl up against the roots of the spider-tree, half submerged in the muck. I slowly sink further into the muddy water, suppressing a hiss as my wounds are coated in the slime. I’ll worry about infection later.

If there is a later.

Jacen’s troopers rush past me, without even glancing my way. I shut down in the Force, he walks closer, his green blade shining in the dark.

Of course he stops.

I hear another saber, and open my eyes. The purple blade shines in the dim light, and I feel my heart soar.

I can feel it heal.