Memories - Ch. 20

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Breaking the kiss, she pulled away from him, dropping back to the flats of her feet. Opening his eyes, he saw hers slowly open as well. An emotion Anakin could not define shone in her eyes, and though her tears had stopped flowing, some still lined her eyes. Her mouth opened, and then she shut it quickly as she took a step back from him, chewing on her lower lip. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, and he wondered for a moment just what was wrong.

"I... uh..uhm.. I'm sorry," she stuttered.

"D-don't apologize," he snapped at her.

"B,but I ignored your feelings," she replied, lowering her head, her eyes seemed to darken somehow. "I...."

Without realizing what he was about to say, he spoke. "I love you, Tahiri."

Her head snapped up to look at him, her eyes opening wide, one hand coming up to cover her mouth.

"Do you love me," he asked her.

"I.... I... I do. I've loved you for years and years." She looked down into her hands for a moment, and then back up at him. "I... I think that if you loved me, then I could love you. Forever." Blushing, she looked away from him once again. "I don't really understand it, but I think it's something like that."

He watched as the blush on her cheeks grew darker and more pronounced.

"Uhm..." she began. "What am I saying? I shouldn't be talking about things that like that. It isn't like me."

"No, my thoughts are the same," Anakin replied, smiling down at her. "We've lost six years. We need to regain that time."

"Anakin..."

Then she flung herself at him, wrapping her arms around his chest, squeezing him tightly.

"Then let's meet here tomorrow. Here at this bench, it will be like old times. We'll meet just like we used to."

Letting his own arms wrap around her, Anakin nodded his head. "Yeah, like we used to."

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He pushed open the door and stepped into the apartment, Tahiri entering right behind him. He looked around, and went into the kitchen area, Tahiri still by his side. Once there, he saw Jaina wiping down the table as Mara prepped a meal in the kitchen.

His aunt looked up from the vegetables she was cutting and smiled at them both. "Welcome back, you two."

"Uh... Yeah, we're home."

A frown flickered across his face, as he quickly glanced down at Tahiri. Something about the situation rankled, and he wondered how Mara and Jaina would feel about the change in his relationship with Tahiri.

Trying to think of something to change the subject to, he looked over at Jaina once again. "Ah, so Jaina, you're helping Aunt Mara tonight?"

"Yeah," Jaina replied, one eyebrow lifting slightly. "So, you met up with Tahiri... did you find the lost item?"

"Nope, not yet," he said, and then looked down at Tahiri again. "Right?"

"Yeah," Tahiri replied, a blush cropping up on her cheeks.

Anakin noticed the smirk that Mara was fighting to keep from her face as she shot a look towards his sister. Internally, he sighed.

She waved her hand towards the bedrooms. "Why don't you two go wash your hands and get ready for dinner?"

Anakin nodded. "Yeah," he said as he looked down at Tahiri. "Come on, let's go."

He then walked from the room, noticing the slight hesitation before Tahiri followed him. As soon as the left the kitchen, she bolted past him, running down the hallway towards her room.

Startled he watched her disappear into her room. He stared at the closed door for a moment, wondering if he had done something wrong. If he had hurt her somehow. Sighing, he entered his own room, and dropped onto his bed. He put his hands behind his head, and looked up at the ceiling, thinking about this afternoon; about the kiss.

Ikrit jumped up onto the foot of the bed, and started walking up his legs. Frowning, he kicked, knocking the white creature back slightly.

As he felt Ikrit once more climbing towards him, he closed his eyes...

Opening his eyes again, he found himself huffing as he ran through the Temple. Everything seemed oversize, too big, the doorway, the com units, benches, everything. He frowned, and then suddenly realized that this must be another dream.

Turning a corner, he stumbled to a stop; there was the dream version of Tahiri. His breath caught in his throat, and he suddenly felt his palms grow slick with sweat. She sat on a bench, idly kicking her feet as she hummed one of Tionne's ballads, her head bounced from side-to-side in time with the music. Slowly, he approached her, struggling to regain control of his heart.

"Ah, sorry I'm late," he said.

She looked up at him, a smile touching her lips. "I'm just happy that you're here."

She jumped up off of the bench, and reached out for his hand. Instinctively, his own slid out and grasped hers. Together, they turned and ran giggling from the Temple. Heading towards the great river where it glittered in the dim sunlight.

The river itself appeared the same as always. Meters across, and with a fast current. Anakin watched a limb as it bobbed up in down, pulled downstream by the current. He looked around the area, flickers of memory superimposing themselves over what he was seeing.

He frowned, when he saw the raft. It was wood, worn, a dingy brown color, and beached on the shore a few meters to their left. Staring at it for a moment, he then looked around again. Turning back to the raft, he then scratched at the top of his head and said, "I thought it was supposed to be silver?"

Tahiri paused as well, and looked up into the darkening sky for a moment, before turning her attention back to the raft. "In the dream it was, but that's just a dream. I'm surprised to find a raft here at all."

"I don't know..."

"Oh, come on, Dummy," she said, sighing loudly as she walked to the raft and began punishing it out into the river.

Sighing, he followed her, and began to help her push the raft into the river. They clambered into the rocking boat, and Anakin picked up an oar.

He slipped the oar into the water and pulled it towards him, propelling the boat down river. He frowned. This was nothing like the dream. There were no clouds, no storm. Finally, they stopped at the broken old temple from their dreams. He beached the raft, and climbed out, turning to help Tahiri get to land.

She stared into the darkened doorway. "What do you think is in there?"

He shook his head, an instinctive fear clutching at his heart. "Dunno, but we're here now, and this is where our dream is leading us... so we need to find out."

He held his hand out, and she looked at it for a moment. Then she reached out and slipped her hand into his. Smiling at her, he gently squeezed her hand, and then faced the doorway again.

Together, they crossed the threshold and went into the darkness beyond.

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Anakin walked past the table, yawning. Ignoring everything but the strong scent of caf, he went into the kitchen and poured himself a cup, and after adding in an appropriate amount of sweetener, took a first, hesitant sip.

"Good morning, Anakin." Jaina said from the table.

He looked up to find her sitting there, wide awake and already dressed for school. In his surprise, he coughed, spewing caf over the counter in front of him.

A frown flickered onto her face. "You're overreacting, Anakin."

"What's going on?" he asked. "I thought you didn't have morning practices any more because the tournament was over."

"The tournament is over, but she still has to practice," Mara said from her seat opposite of Jaina.

Jaina stood up from her seat. "Well, I'll be off now."

Mara stood up as well. "Do you think you'll be home early today? There's a couple of things I want to go over with you."

"I'm sure I can manage that," Jaina replied as the two left the kitchen.

Frowning slightly, Anakin took another swallow of his caf.

A short while later, he was walking down the path, Tahiri there beside him.

"You're up early too," he said.

"Yup," she replied nodding her head vigorously. "It's good to be the first person to class on occasion."

"Is your school that much fun?"

"Of course."

"Why?"

"Well," she said, as she lifted her head to look at the sky. After a moment, she raised a finger. "First, there's seeing friends that I only see at school." Suddenly, she stopped and looked around, turning in the direction opposite of the Temple. "Well, this is it. Don't forget your promise for after school."

He grinned. "Don't go following a stranger, even if he gives you a canapé."

She stomped her feet, and yelled, "I'm not a child!"

He crossed his arms over his chest, and smirked at her. "You're a child until you can solve hyperspatial cubic equations in your head, like it's child's play. Do you even know what hyperspatial cubic equations are?"

She frowned, and started to chew on a knuckle. "Not really..."

Smiling, he tucked his thumbs behind his belt. "I don't either."

"What!" she yelped and then reached out and smacked his chest.

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After school, Anakin ran through the shopping district, heading towards the bench where he had promised he would meet Tahiri. He glanced at his chrono, and realized that he was already fifteen minutes late. Finally, he arrived at the bench, and staggered to a stop.

Scowling, she flipped her hair over her shoulder. "You're late, Anakin."

"Sorry," he replied, his breath coming in deep gasps. "But, I had to help clean up after the lesson."

"Oh, I see," she replied, bouncing up off the bench. "Well, in that case, I guess it couldn't be helped."

Anakin looked up at the sky. "Well, it'll get dark if we don't hurry."

She grinned at him. "So, where do we get to go?"

"Why that place, of course."

She tilted her head, a frown flickering on her lips. "'That place?' Where is that place?"

Anakin shrugged his shoulders. "Is it the shopping district? You always seem to be here."

"Ah," she responded. "Yes, it's the shopping district."

"Great," Anakin smirked, holding out his hand towards her. "Shall we go holding hands?"

Her face shifted towards crimson. "No, it's embarrassing."

"Kissing is fine," he said, arching an eyebrow at her. "But holding hands is embarrassing?"

"Uh... That... uhm... Well..."

Anakin chuckled and then turned away and started walking. "Come on, if you don't hurry, I'll leave you behind."

"Wait!" she called out, running to catch up to him.

They walked the first block in silence, and he could see the blush that was still on her cheeks.

"I don't really mind holding hands," she muttered.

"What?"

Then she reached out and grasped his hand, squeezing it tightly in hers. "See... isn't that warmer?"

"Yeah..."

The two then spent the next two hours searching the shopping district for Tahiri's lost item. Unable to find it before the sun had set in the west, Anakin bought them both a canapé, and they retreated to a bench. He leaned his head back, and looked up at the stars.

"So," he began. "We still couldn't find it today."

"Yeah," she replied, her voice soft and low. "But you know... maybe it's better if we don't." She reached over and covered his hand with hers. "What I'm looking for is something I must not need, if I'm this happy."

She looked away, and he saw a blush crop up on her cheeks. "Besides," she continued. "I don't think I mind that I don't have it now. If I need it later, I can always look for it then."

"Okay," he replied, smiling at her.

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Anakin stepped out of the refresher, toweling the water from his hair, when he heard Jaina's voice echoing down the hallway.

"Just as I thought, you look cute in that."

Then he heard Tahiri's reply. "Well, I think it might not fit right."

As he knocked on the door, Jaina was speaking again. "That's not true; it looks good- Come in!"

He opened the door and stepped into the room. "What are you two d-"

The ability to form words fled him as he stared at Tahiri wearing one of Jaina's outfits--the one cut along Corellian lines which she used during tournaments. Though Tahiri was the younger girl, she was taller, with slightly different, larger, proportions than his sister, which meant that the outfit was snug, showing off every curve of her body.

Anakin could feel his cheeks flaming, as he stared at the blond girl.

"What do you think Anakin?" she said, as she spun around.

He closed his eyes, and exhaled slowly. "Are you going to take up lightsabers or something?"

"You know it's my outfit," Jaina replied while rolling her eyes. "But she looks good in it, doesn't she?"

"I wished I went to your school," Tahiri said wistfully. "It sounds like a lot of fun."

Anakin shrugged his shoulders. "Well, yours is nice and relaxed. Come to think of it, I've never seen you study."

She giggled. "As long as I study at school, I can manage."

Jaina frowned for a moment. "You school is just over the big river, right?"

Tahiri quickly nodded her head. "Yes, it's just downstream a little bit."

Frowning, Jaina tugged on a lock of her hair. "When did they put a school up over there?"

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Anakin sat in the chair at his desk, a headset blasting music into his ears as he read the text for the next day's class.

A crack of thunder drew his attention and he looked outside to see the rain pouring down. Thick sheets, interrupted occasionally by a blue-white flare of lightning. He watched the rain for a moment, and then turned back to his terminal, getting lost once more in the finer points of biotechnological ethics.

When the current song ended, there was a pause before the next song came on, and he heard a knocking sound. Frowning, he took off his headset, and the knocking grew louder. He got up, and walked over to the door that led to the balcony, and opened the curtains, to find Tahiri on the other side. She was sodden, her hair hanging limp around her face, as her arms were clutched in front of her chest. Shivers wracked her body, as she pleaded at him with her eyes.

"Tahiri!" he shouted in alarm as he pulled open the door.

She stumbled inside, dropping to her knees, her body still shaking. He ran and grabbed a couple of towels, and then returned, rubbing down her hair and shoulders. Once he had moped up most of the wetness, he yanked the blanket from his bed and wrapped it around her. Then he picked her up, and dropped her onto his bed, rubbing her shoulders, trying to help her warm up.

A minute or so later, he straightened, and said, "I'll be right back with some caf."

He went to the kitchen, and quickly prepared a cup of caf for her. When he got back to his room, he handed her the cup, and she took an experimental sip, sighing as she swallowed the warm drink. Her teeth still chattering, she looked up at him. "T-t-t-that w-w-w-was c-c-c-cold."

"Sorry," he replied, scratching at the top of his head. "I didn't realize you were out there."

"Don't worry, I was the one that did it. I just can't believe I let my door lock behind me."

He grinned at her. "So, you're here as a robber tonight?"

She growled slightly, her head snapping up to look at him. "A robber wouldn't have knocked."

"Well then, what were you doing out there?"

Blushing, she turned away. "I... I just came to talk with you."

He laughed. "Then why not use the hallway?"

"I was worried that I would wake up Jaina when I walked past her door."

Anakin sighed, and shook his head. "Jaina's such a heavy sleeper, little things like footsteps have no chance of waking her up."

"Well," she replied, looking back at him. "That may be... but..."

"You're such an idiot."

Anger flushed her cheeks as she narrowed her eyes and stared at him. Her lips compressed into a thin line, as she said, "You don't have to be so blunt about it."

"But," he continued, dropping down to kneel in front of her. "That's one of the things I like about you, so I guess I'm an idiot as well."

The redness on her cheeks flared brighter as her face softened in surprise. "Really?"

Chuckling once, he nodded his head, and then glanced out into the rain. "But seriously, if you get scared so easily, why'd you go out there?"

"Because I wanted to see you," she replied, and then she looked down at her hands. "It's lonely being alone in that room by myself."

Leaning forward, he lifted himself up slightly, and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. He lingered there for less than a minute, but it felt like forever. She was quiet, her eyes large and round, and her mouth opened slightly.

Straightening up, he smiled down at her, and then walked over to the door. He opened the curtains and then stared out into the night and the storm. A few moments later Tahiri stepped up beside him, and leaned against him. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and could feel how chilled her arm still was.

"Are you still cold?" he asked.

"No," she replied, shaking her head into the side of his chest. "I'm fine. Thank you."

They stood in silence for a few moments before Tahiri spoke again. "Anakin? Do you like it here?"

He glanced down at her for a moment, and then looked back out at the rain. "I... yeah, I think I do. So much stuff has happened since I came back, but despite it all, or maybe because of it all, I think I'm happy here. I like being a Jedi. For the first time in years, I can say that I'm truly happy."

He looked down at her, and saw the wistful smile she had on her face.

"Y'know, if you weren't training to be a Jedi, we could have gone to the same school."

"I'd like to see your school, and why aren't you in training yourself? I remember you used to be."

"Well, I'll take you to my school tomorrow after your training is over. As for my training, I... I don't quite remember... I don't think I made it. I... I think they might have told me that I couldn't be a Jedi. That I needed to wait a bit before trying again."

He watched her for a moment, the way her eyebrows had narrowed, and her eyes flickered back and forth as she thought hard, the way she was chewing on her lips, and the way she wrung her hands together. He decided to not ask any more about her Force potential. Instead, he turned back to the night. "Yeah, we'll go tomorrow afternoon."

"Great," she said, a large smile coming to her face. "Then we'll meet at the bench. Look forward to it, okay?"

He couldn't help but be warmed by her smile. He nodded his head. "I will."

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Anakin stepped out into the hallway, Tahiri still leaning against the door jamb watching him. Then the door to Mara's apartment opened up. Looking that way, Anakin saw her emerge from her apartment dressed in a set of dark green Jedi robes. The Jedi Master smiled at them, and Anakin waved bye to Tahiri.

Together, he and Mara stepped onto the lift, and he pushed the button for the ground floor.

Smiling, he looked over at Mara. "You're out early today."

"Yes," she replied with a chuckle. "Someone scheduled a Council meeting for this karking hour."

She's on the Council? he wondered.

"Are you still having trouble with your memory Anakin?'

"Yeah..."

"You don't remember anything about what happened six years ago?"

"No, not really," he replied, rubbing his hand down his face.

"I see," she responded and then looked away.

"Is there something that you're not telling me, Aunt Mara?"

"No, it's nothing. Only... well, only one of the Temples was razed, and..."

Then with a ping, the doors slid open for the ground floor, and without finishing her thought, she stepped off the Lift and walked away. Anakin watched as she disappeared through the door, wondering what she had been talking about. Wondering exactly what it was that she knew that he didn't.

Sighing, he left the building, and began the long hike to the Jedi Academy.

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He was sitting beside Tahiri on the bench, staring at the clouds as they rolled across the sky. The sun was nearing the horizon and cast an orangish-red tint over everything. He had bought them each a canapé, and she was happily eating hers, humming a tune he didn't recognize.

Suddenly, the tune stopped. "Hey, Anakin? If... well... if..... What would you do if you were my first love?"

He thought for a moment, and then decisively nodded his head. "Well, I'd ask you to change that this moment."

"What? Why?" she asked, panic causing her voice to rise slightly.

Blushing, he looked away from her. "It's often said that first loves don't come true."

She jumped up out of her seat, and stood in front of him, leaning over so that she would be eye level with him. "Anakin! Could it be that you're saying something embarrassing?"

"Leave me alone..."

She giggled. "But your face is all red."

"That's because of the sunset."

She straightened up, and took another bite of her canapé, chewing thoughtfully. Swallowing, she asked, "What was your first love like?"

He looked at her for a moment, and then averted his eyes from her again. "Well, I don't know if she was my first love or not... but I had a crush on an older girl."

"Oh? An older girl?"

"Yeah," he replied, blushing. "But other than that..."

Part of an image flashed through his mind's eye. Blond curls, lips twisted into a scream. He shuddered, and as fast as the image appeared it was gone--lost to the fog in his mind.

"I don't remember that well," he continued. "But I do remember that something sad happened..."

"Something sad?"

He lifted his head quickly and grinned at her, noting the worried expression painted on her face "Nothing. I'm just talking to myself." He stood up. "Don't worry about it, it's in the past. Tahiri, are you happy right now?"

She smiled brightly for him. "Yep, I am." Then she lowered her face slightly as her expression darkened. "But sometimes... sometimes I'm not so sure."

"Not sure?"

"I'm scared of the happiness," she explained. "It's so frightening, and I'm uneasy, and it feels like the reality right in front of me is nothing but a dream."

"You're thinking too much," he replied.

"Yeah," she said, not sounding entirely convinced.

"Besides, it doesn't suit you to give such serious lines.

She looked up at him, her eyes narrowing once again. "Dummy, don't tease me."

He grinned at her. "It's not the same as it was six years ago. I'm not going anywhere this time. I'll be here for you. I'll be right beside you."

Tears lined her eyes, as she sniffled. "Serious lines don't suit you, either."

"Well, I'm sorry," he replied.

Then her shoulders began to shake, and the threatened tears began to fall. They sliced down her face, splashing against the half-eaten canapé in her hands.

"You're canapé's going to get salty."

She laughed through her tears. "That's okay... it'll be a nostalgic taste."

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They were walking towards the north, just leaving the shopping district. In the distance, Anakin could make out the great river, and the bridges that spanned it for the new construction on its far banks.

"How long does it take to get to your school?"

"Oh, about thirty minutes," she replied.

"So, it's a walk," he said, looking up at the sky, and noticing that the next wave of rain clouds were starting to roll in. "Let's hurry; it looks like it's about to come down again."

They reached the river, and she looked around for a moment, as if she were confused. Then she turned right, and started walking towards the forest on the river's edge.

He caught up with her quickly. "So it's out this way? It's at a really inconvenient place..."

"Yeah..."

He looked down, noticing the odd expression on her face; a mixture of fear, and concern. Frowning, he asked, "Hey, are you sure there's a school this way?"

"There is one," she replied. Then her face hardened slightly. "There is definitely one!"

She took off running, dodging the undergrowth.

"Tahiri!" he called out after her, giving chase.

They ran for fifteen minutes, before Tahiri paused and looked around her. Anakin leaned against a tree, his breathing coming in ragged gasps. "Hey, are you sure you're going the right way?"

She looked over her shoulder at him, and he noticed that she wasn't even breathing hard. "I'm sure." She turned away from him, and continued speaking. "It's the school I've been going to. I went to it today, and I met my friends there."

Then she started walking deeper into the woods.

He noticed that they had begun to walk up a hill, and Tahiri's pace quickened. "See! You can just now start to make it out. Beyond that ridge is my..."

She had crested the hill and stopped.

He stepped up beside her and looked out at a field that had at one time contained a Massassi temple. The stone work was still standing in some places, but most of it had been melted down by turbolaser. Anakin looked around, a frown coming to his face.

"No... it's... it's nothing," Tahiri muttered.

In the back of his mind, he heard Mara's words again: one of the Temples was razed, and...

Tahiri started moving forward, heading towards the melted stone. Anakin watched her, listening as she mumbled, "No... way... why... I was... why?"

She stopped a few meters shy of the first bit of stone. "I know this place. School? I was... was... but... then... why..." She raised her face towards the heavens, her shoulders started to shake, and he could hear the tears in her voice. "Am I not supposed to be here? It's a joke! It can't be."

She dropped to her knees, and put her hands over her face, her body shaking.

"Tahiri!" he called out, running forward.

Suddenly, she yanked the school bag off her shoulder, and undid its clasp.

"I had school today, I was here," she screamed at the bag.

Her body froze as she stared into the bag.

"Tahiri," he said, as he neared her. "What's wrong? What's going on?"

She set the bag on the ground in front of her, and he noticed that it was empty. "I... I have to search for it," she replied as she stood up.

She turned towards him and then ran past him.

"Hey! Tahiri!" he called out. He ran over and snatched up her bag, and then chased after her.

She ran through the woods as if she were a part of them, while the limbs and branches seemed to snag him every time he moved forward. As he ran, he looked up and noticed that the sky had darkened appreciably.

Panting, he ran faster, pausing as night finally fell around him. "Tahiri!"

He received no answer, and then continued running. He passed a path, one lined with lights, and slowed to a stop. Sitting in one of the pools of light was Tahiri, her hands digging into the dirt beneath her.

Working to get his breathing back under control, he stood there watching her.

Finally, he started forward, worried that she would run again. He stopped a few paces from her. "Tahiri, what are you doing?"

She just continued to dig in the dirt. Leaning over, digging her fingers into the hard packed ground, and then pulling her hands towards her.

"What are you doing?" he yelled.

She jumped, and slowly lifted her head. Her green eyes were bright with pain and fear and her voice was soft and weak. "Searching for my lost item."

She then turned back to her digging.

"Lost item? It's somewhere around here? Buried?"

She nodded her head once, quickly. "Yeah..."

"Then we can look for it together, tomorrow once the sun has come up."

Her shoulders started to shake. "I can't," she said. Then she looked up at him again, the tears once more streaming down her face. "I can't... because the night might never end."

He watched her as she watched him. Then she looked down at the ground once more, and began to dig.

Anakin set her bag down beside him, and took off his jacket which he then draped over her shoulders. Kneeling on the hard ground, and he too began to dig.

"Anakin..."

He looked up, and saw the tears that shone in her large green eyes. He smiled at her. "You have to find it, right?"

She nodded again. "Yes."

He turned back to the hole he was digging. "Then let's hurry and find it."

Three hours later, they had dozens of holes, and still had not found Tahiri's lost item. Standing, they looked back at the holes that were scattered down the path.

He sighed. "We're a mess."

"Yeah," she agreed lifelessly.

He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her tight against him, as a light rain started. "We'll try again tomorrow." Then he looked around, saying, "Let's see... your bag is..."

Spying it on the ground a few meters away, he let Tahiri go and started walking towards it.

Behind him, he heard Tahiri's pain filled voice. "I'm sorry, Anakin."

He chuckled. "This is nothing."

"I... I don't think I'll be able to meet you anymore."

He stopped. He couldn't move—everything seemed frozen. His heart pounded in his ears, and he found that he was afraid to turn around and look at her.

She continued speaking, "We got to see each other again, but... It's been six years since we last met but..."

His shoulders started to shake, and he squeezed his eyes shut; wishing for some way to stop her voice.

"I'm really sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Anakin..."

Finally, he found his voice. "Hey! What are you sa-" He had turned around, and all he saw was his jacket lying in the middle of the path. "Tahiri!"

Slowly he retraced his steps back to his jacket, and looked down. He frowned as he realized there were no other footprints in the fresh mud from the rain.

He heard her voice, an almost echo in the back of his mind.

I don't think I'll be able to meet you anymore. We got to see each other again, but... It's been six years since we last met but... I'm really sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Anakin...

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