Memories Ch. 14

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Who are you?

The words that Tenel Ka said to him the previous evening continued to run through his head, pushing out all other concerns. He glanced up from his plate for a moment, looking towards Jaina and then Tahiri. He gave an inner shrug, and then took another bite from his food, not really tasting it.

Who are you? What an odd thing for her to ask me. I don't know what's going on. Why are the demons attacking me, and not Tenel Ka?

"Wow!"

Tahiri's voice cut through his thoughts, and he glanced up to see Mara setting a couple different jars full of jams and jellies on the table in front of them.

"Did you make all of this?" she asked innocently.

Anakin noticed that one of the jars contained Mara's special jam, and he swallowed hard.

"Yes, I did," Mara replied, smiling happily as she lifted one of the jars; the jar. "And this is my special jam."

"What a pretty color," Tahiri commented as she leaned towards it.

Anakin glanced across the table at Jaina, noticing how wide her eyes had gotten. In unison they stood up from their plates.

Mara arched an eyebrow towards them. "Are you two finished with breakfast already?"

"Y-yeah," Jaina said. "I'm already full."

Anakin glanced at Tahiri, noticing the slight confusion on her face, as she watched Jaina. "Tahiri..."

Tahiri turned towards him, saying, "Huh?"

Our time together has been so short, he thought to himself, as he stared at her. He then glanced towards Jaina, and noticed that she refused to look at either him or Tahiri.

"Wh-what?" Tahiri stammered.

Anakin just nodded his head, and walked away from the table, Jaina falling into step beside him. As he left the dining area, he noticed Mara slathering a thick layer of her special jam onto a piece of toast.

From behind him, he heard Tahiri speaking. "I wonder what that was all about."

Then Mara's voice floated towards him. "All right, eat this all up."

A few minutes later they were out of the building, and walking towards the Academy. Jaina glanced up at him, "You're so heartless."

"Hey," Anakin exclaimed. "You ran away too. When I saw that jam... Well it was like the Force itself was crying out in pain and fear."

Jaina sighed. "I wish I could say I don't know what you're talking about... but it feels exactly the same for me."

They took a few more steps, and Jaina suddenly stopped. "Oh, oh yeah. I got something for you."

She then dug into her bag, and pulled out a long ribbon, holding it out to Anakin.

He frowned, and took it from her, holding it up. "Okay, I'm not certain what I'm supposed to do with this."

He then wrapped it around his head once.

Jaina giggled. "It's not for you. You asked me a few days ago, how to make a girl cuter - well, you can start by changing her hair. Braid the ribbon into her hair or something."

"Ah, I see." Anakin replied, pulling the ribbon off his head, and holding it out in front of him.

Suddenly scenes flashed through his mind's eye. A girl, crying on her bed. Her red hair wild around her head, almost creating a halo for her. He could feel himself standing in the doorway watching her cry.

As quickly as they appeared, the scenes were gone.

"What's wrong?" Jaina was asking him.

He shook his head. "I... Nothing, I just almost remembered something."

"What?"

"I don't know, but... well, I'll probably remember sooner or later."

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It was finally lunch time, and Anakin stepped off the stairs and onto the balcony where he ate lunch with Tenel Ka and Eryl. He paused for a moment, when he realized that only Tenel Ka was there.

"Uh, where's Eryl at today?"

Tenel Ka lifted her head and focused on him. "She is busy working. She will be late."

"Oh," he replied. "I see."

Then he sat down across from her, saying, "Then I guess we'll wait."

A few minutes passed in silence, and he finally lifted his head looking towards her. "Hey, about last night... What was that? Why are the demons after me?"

When she did not answer, he sighed. "Are they hunting me because I intervened so often?"

"I do not know," she replied softly. "But ever since you arrived here, the demons have gotten restless."

"Since I arrived?"

She nodded her head. "That is a fact. Before, they never appeared as frequently as they do now."

Anakin frowned, and lowered his head, watching the stone floor of the landing. Wondering why the demons would be so interested in him.

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After class, Anakin stood atop the Great Temple, the practice sword in hand. He ran through a simple kata, warming up for a practice session. Regardless of how she looks, he thought to himself, Jaina is probably worried about me. My behavior has been kind of odd lately, I'm sure.

He dived with the sword, and thrust it out in front of him, finishing the kata. Straightening, he glanced down, and sighed. He felt a prickle at the base of his neck, and glanced over his shoulder to find Tenel Ka standing a few paces away, staring at him.

He frowned at her. "Don't call this 'useless.' If I'm the one being targeted then I need to be able to defend myself."

When she did not say anything, he glanced over his shoulder at her. The moment, he looked that way, she swung forward with another practice sword, the tip of its blade coming to a stop less than a dozen centimeters from his nose.

He gulped and took an instinctive step backwards. "So, it's hands-on training? Thank y-"

Then she struck, her blade slashing forward. Instincts took over, and he flung himself to the side, raising his blade in the process.

She did not give him a chance to respond, the end of one swing, had already started the next attack. Her blade was continuously moving, the metal it was made from flashed in the afternoon sun, as he tried to parry and dodge her blows.

Her attacks slowly drove him backwards, her steel flashing in and out of range.

Then he missed. Her blade snapped in and snagged his leg, flipping him to the ground.

He glared up at her, as she took two steps back away from him. He struggled to his feet, and dropped into a ready state. "Well, I see, I don't have to go easy on you..."

Then he darted forward, raising the hilt of his blade up to his ear.

He closed with her and she side stepped, snagging his leg with hers. He fell to the ground, scrapping his forehead against the stone paving.

Then she smacked his butt with the broad side of her blade.

"Too slow."

Anakin lifted his head off of the ground and glanced towards Tenel Ka. He groaned, and then rolled over to his back.

Tenel Ka walked over and stood there, looking down at him. "Anakin, you do not understand how weak you truly are. If you understood that, then you would know which way to move."

Anakin watched her for a moment, and then closed his eyes. "Which way to move, right..." He blew out a breath and then rolled over. Climbing to his feet, he lifted his sword into a mid-guard. "Okay, one more time."

Tenel Ka lifted her sword into a high-guard. "No. As many as it takes."

Then she attacked once more. Her sword a blur of thrusts and strikes.

If I can just hit back once, he thought to himself.

Then he saw the opening. With one attack, her reach went a little too high. He blocked earlier, and then pushed his sword forward. As he neared the handguard of her hilt, he pushed outward with his blade, and pulled back to strike at Tenel Ka.

She danced out of reach of his blade, and he stumbled, tucking himself into a roll. He climbed to his feet, and fell into a ready position.

"So, how was that?"

She turned to face him. "It was adequate."

Then Eryl appeared. "Tenel Ka. Anakin. What are you two doing? Play fighting? Can I try?"

She picked up Anakin's sword, swinging it experimentally a few times.

"We are not playing," Tenel Ka told her.

"Yeah," Anakin said as well. "We're not playing. This is a serious duel."

Eryl's eyes harden, and a frown curved her lips. "Then I'll get serious too. Believe it or not, I have good reflexes."

Then she jumped backwards. As she landed her foot slipped, and shot out from beneath her, dumping her to the ground.

She stood up, and lifted the blade to a mid-guard.

"Wait, Eryl..." Anakin began.

Then Eryl lifted the blade to a high guard. "All right, Tenel Ka."

Tenel Ka nodded her head, and set herself into a mid guard, waiting patiently for Eryl to strike.

Anakin glanced at Tenel Ka. "H-hey, Tenel Ka... Are you seriously going to do this?"

Then Eryl darted forward, her blade snaking in towards Tenel Ka's side.

Anakin watched, as Tenel Ka just snapped her blade in, and then Eryl's blade was spinning through the air. It landed with a clatter two meters from them. Eryl dropped to her knees, stunned at how quickly she was disarmed.

Tenel Ka lowered the point of her blade until it hovered centimeters from Eryl's face.

"Now, do you understand," she said to Eryl, her voice cold and hard.

Tenel Ka lowered her blade the rest of the way, as Eryl's face dropped, and she looked away from the both of them.

"I wonder if I'm just getting in the way," Eryl said softly, not looking up.

"You are," Tenel Ka replied.

Anakin's head snapped around to see the shock painted on Eryl's face. After a moment, she nodded her head once, and then stood up. "Ahh... I'm sorry, Tenel Ka." Then she looked towards Anakin. "You too, Anakin."

Before he could do anything, she had turned around and fled.

"Eryl, wait!" he called out after her, but she had already disappeared. His head snapped around, looking at Tenel Ka. "Hey, what's wrong with you?"

Tenel Ka stood there, her back to him, staring out over the jungles. After a moment, she replied. "I care for Eryl. I really do. That is why..."

Anakin arched an eyebrow. "You're so awkward?"

She did not respond, and he just turned to look at the blue sky and empty steps where Eryl had disappeared.

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Anakin walked through the shopping district. Weaving in and out of the other shoppers, lost in his own thoughts.

Now that it is Tenel Ka's naming day, what are we going to do? Anakin thought to himself. And the way Eryl acts... she's too easy going.

"Anakin!" someone behind him called out.

Startled, he turned towards the voice, and found Eryl standing in the doorway of a small cafe, smiling at him.

She waved him over and went into the cafe. Anakin followed, noting to himself that it was the same cafe where he had first met Tahiri when she was being chased by the baker. He entered, and found Eryl sitting at a table near the window. He dropped into the seat across from her and the droid server brought over a cup of tea for him.

She sighed, and then took a sip of her tea. Placing the cup back onto the saucer, she focused on him. "I'm sorry about earlier. I know I was bothering you both." Then she turned her attention towards the window. "I guess I'll have to apologize to Tenel Ka as well."

Anakin looked down at his own cup of tea, feeling oddly guilty. "Eryl... you haven't noticed any--"

He cut himself off, not certain if he should say anything. Hating himself for that uncertainty.

Eryl looked towards him. "Did you say something, Anakin?"

"N-no, it's nothing," Anakin replied, shaking his head. "I was just talking to myself is all."

She then looked down at her tea, her perpetual smile faltering. "Well, if you and Tenel Ka aren't saying anything, then I guess it's better if I don't ask."

I'm scum. A bonafide Hutt, he thought to himself as he gazed down at his tea.

Eryl looked up at him, and smiled again. "I said something vague, didn't I? I... I guess there's just something wrong with me today."

Anakin watched her for a moment, and then said, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why do you try so hard for Tenel Ka? You're like a big sister, covering for her and saving her."

Eryl shook her head. "I'm the one that was saved."

Anakin felt shock rush through him at her words, and he leaned forward slightly, suddenly more interested.

"You said, 'like a big sister,' right?" she continued. "Once, I was a big sister, for real. Although that was a long time ago."

Anakin listened silently as Eryl told her story.

"'You'll be a big sister soon, Eryl.' Dad told me. 'The baby will need a good role model. Don't forget that.'

"Of course I replied that I would be a good big sister, so that our family wouldn't be embarrassed. You see, my father insisted that children should have self-control, that they should not be spoiled, he was a space racer, and taught that we had to be on our best behavior all the time. Because he taught me that I must have good behavior all the time, well, I was liked by the other adults in the racing circuits.

"I... I was proud of that. That's... that's why I thought I should be very strict when dealing with Therin."

Eryl paused in her story, and picked up a napkin to dab at her eye for a moment. Then she picked up her cup of tea and took a sip. She placed the cup back onto the plate, and then continued.

"So, I was strict with Therin, just like my father.

"'You mustn't cry,' I would tell him when he cried. 'Children in this family must not be selfish,' I would scold. What is sad is that all I wanted to do was pat him on the head, hug him and then give him what he wanted...

"But, I believed that being strict was better, for Therin's sake. He developed slowly. Slower than the other children in the racing circuit. When it came time for him to begin the preschool lessons over the holonet, he still couldn't speak.

"And, he never really laughed. It saddened me when I was on a planet and would see other sisters walking their younger siblings around, and the two of them would be laughing and having fun. In the end, he was always alone and barely even interacted with the other students over the holonet.

"And as always, I was very strict with him. 'Pampering won't help him.' That's what I thought. That was how I believed.

"I remember we were on this one planet. It was Agamar, Therin and I were walking through a bazaar there, and he saw these cheap water blasters. Two credits a piece. I could have gotten one for him, instead I told him 'No,' and continued walking.

"I wanted to be nicer to him. I wanted to buy him snacks and toys and games and anything and everything he wanted. I... I wanted to see him smile."

She picked up the napkin to wipe away another tear, before continuing her story.

"The day before we were scheduled to leave, he fell ill. We took him to the medcenter. I didn't understand at the time, all I knew was that he was sick, and my parents were sad and afraid. I remember asking my father, 'When Therin gets better, can I pat him on the head, and play with him and tell him that he's done a good job?'

"My father nodded his head and replied, 'Yes, do that for me. I'm sure Therin would like that.'

"But Therin's condition never improved. After we had been on planet for three weeks, I realized that something was seriously wrong. It was the longest we had ever stayed in one place. We even missed a race.

"I decided that I could be a bad girl, just this once. I took all my credits and snuck out of the ship, and went to that bazaar. I bought two of those water blasters and every sweet I could find until I ran out of money. Then... then I snuck into the medcenter and into Therin's room. I climbed into his bed and woke him up. When he opened his eyes, he was afraid, scared that I was there to scold him.

"I told him that I wasn't there to scold him and then dumped the candy out onto the bed between us. 'I'm here to play. With you.' I told him. It was the first time that I had ever truly been honest when dealing with him.

"We ate that entire bag of candy, ate so much that we got sick. Then I told him, 'When you get better, we can eat this again. Just the two of us.'

"I then picked up the water blasters and gave him one, and told him that we could play with these when he was better as well. I told him that I had good reflexes and that I did all sorts of fun things, and that we would do those fun things together. Then for the first time in his life, I told him that I loved him. And then even though we were both crying, for the first time in his life, he smiled at me.

"And that became my first... and my last memory of playing with my little brother.

"After he died, I lost the ability to view myself as a human being. To myself, I was an object, the same as a book or a datapad. I lost the ability to laugh or cry. I lost the will to live and to love."

She paused in the story, pulling the sleeve of her tunic up slightly, revealing the thin white scars on her wrists, vertical slashes running from just the beneath her palm to up under her tunic. She rubbed her thumb over the scars and then tugged her cuff back down.

"It wasn't until I met Tenel Ka that I could laugh again. So you see, I'm not saving Tenel Ka. She saved me. It's... it's like she's filling in the hole that was left when Therin died. There's something almost healing about her, even while she seemed as lost and alone as I was. I just wanted to be her friend. I wanted her to be my friend."

"I see," Anakin replied solemnly.

Closing her eyes, Eryl tilted her head slightly as silence fell between them, and for the first time, Anakin noticed the soft music playing in the background.

"Do you know the name of this music?"

Anakin shook his head, "Not really, but I know I've heard it before."

"It's called Canon. It's by an Alderaanian composer, named Bail Uthen."

"Canon?"

She nodded her head. "While repeating the same melody over and over again, it gradually becomes more peaceful, more beautiful. Just like that, we repeat the same routine every day, but if we change just a little every day, then it's all right. Then everything will be all right."

Anakin took another sip of his tea. "I... I can understand that."

She opened her eyes again, focusing on him. "Someday, I may be able to remember something about Therin that isn't sad."

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Anakin and Eryl stood outside of the cafe. She had a wistful smile on her face, her eyes still slightly red from the tears she had cried while telling him the story of Therin.

"Well," she began. "I'm going to go home and fix some food for Tenel Ka. Then we'll take it over to her room, how does that sound?"

"Sounds great," Anakin replied. "Comm me when you're ready."

"All right," she said, her smile becoming slightly brighter. Then she waved at him, and took off, running down the street. Anakin watched her for a moment, and then turned and went the other way, heading towards home.

A short while later, he arrived, and stepped into the apartment.

"I'm home," he called out.

Tahiri stood up in the living room, smiling at him. "Welcome back, Anakin!" she called as she walked closer to him.

He grinned at her. "So, how was Aunt Mara's jam?"

A shiver wracked her body, and she clutched her arms to her chest. Odd emotions played across her face, as she said, "I get the feeling that it's somehow different from normal food."

"You thought so as well, I see," Anakin replied.

Her head snapped up towards him, her eyes narrowing dangerously. "You mean you knew?! You could have told me!"

Anakin scratched at his chin. "But I get the feeling its good for you. It helps you grow big and strong and maybe even prevents cancer."

She growled at him, and he laughed, heading towards his room, so he could do the homework assigned to him from Master Horn.

An hour later, he glanced up at the clock, noticing the time. He frowned, and said, "She's late. Tenel Ka's going to be heading to the Temple soon."

"Anakin!" Jaina called out a moment before she pushed open his door. "Anakin, it's time for dinner."

Anakin spun in his chair to face his sister. "Ah, sorry. I'm going to a naming day celebration for a friend tonight."

He then stood up, and grabbed a jacket.

"Right now?" Jaina asked.

"Yeah," he replied. "I'll be back in a bit."

Anakin walked through the night, heading towards the Temple. If I don't tell Tenel Ka to get back to her room, then Eryl's cooking will go to waste.

"Wait," Anakin suddenly said out loud, coming to a halt. "If Eryl can't get in touch with me, then she might start looking for me... Kriff! If she knows what Tenel Ka and I are doing..."

He slapped his hands against his pockets, hunting for his comlink. Cursing as he realized that he had left it at home, he started running towards the nearest public access terminal. Arriving at it, he yanked open the door and stormed into the almost closet like space. He pushed the door shut behind him, and waited as the system booted up.

When it was finally running, he punched in the comcode for Jaina.

A few moments later, her voice issued from the tiny speakers. "Hello?"

"Jaina, has anyone called for me?"

"Yes, a girl. I think she said her name was Eryl."

"What did she say?"

"Well, after I had said that you had left, she said that she'd try to go as well."

Anakin felt horror course through his veins. He shut off the connection and ripped open the door, running out into the night, heading towards the school as quickly as he could.

I'm such an idiot, he accused himself. If I had just waited ten more minutes...

He ran into the Temple, and turned the corner heading towards the stairs. He skidded to a stop when he saw Tenel Ka standing there, her back to him, her sword in a loose grip, almost falling from her fingers. The light from the room she stared into spilled out into the darkened hallway around her. Anakin glanced at the sign by the door, recognizing the symbols for a refresher.

"Tenel Ka?"

She did not respond, and he took a step closer to her.

"Tenel Ka? Are you okay? You can hear me, right?"

"Hey, Tenel Ka--"

The sword clattered to the ground, and a moment later, Tenel Ka likewise collapsed. She curled up around herself, pulling her legs close to her chest.

"Tenel Ka!"

He rushed to her side, sliding to a stop. Her eyes were wide and filled with pain, misery and fear. Despite the fact that he was right there in front of him, she appeared to not see him, but rather continued to stare into the refresher.

Slowly, he twisted to look into the room.

The first thing he saw was a stuffed Affytechan. It was coated in a reddish-brown sludge, and looked like a wild animal had been at it.

Beyond that was a box laying broken on its side. The foodstuffs it had contained were strewn about the refresher, as if whatever had destroyed the stuffed animal, and just thrown the food around randomly.

His mind tried to process what he had seen. He knew that there was something important there, but what, just refused to click into place.

Then he saw her.

She lay in a puddle of blood, her eyes were open wide, but were blank, lacking the laughter and life that he had so often seen in them.

Horror sliced through him, and took root in his heart as his mind finally caught up to the horror he was seeing. As the tableau clicked in his consciousness.

In a hoarse, pained whisper, he said her name, "Eryl..."

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The antiseptic smell of Bacta and medicine hung heavily on the air as he stood watch over Eryl's bed. A few paces behind him, stood Tenel Ka, still in shock at finding Eryl. She had barely been able to function enough to help him get her to the medcenter.

The nurse, who stood on the far side of the bed, glanced up from her datapad. The movement caught Anakin's eye and he shifted focus off of Eryl and onto him.

"She'll survive, but she'll have to be hospitalized for a while," the nurse explained. "Are you her friends? Do we know where her family is?"

"I commed them," Anakin explained. "They're on their way."

The nurse turned back to Eryl, and continued speaking. "Well, either way we're going to have to contact security."

As the nurse was talking, Anakin slowly backed away, grabbing Tenel Ka and pulling her from the room. He turned the corner, and the nurse's voice faded away.

Dragging Tenel Ka along, he led them out of the medcenter. Before long, they were slowly walking back towards the Temple. Anakin a step or two ahead carrying Tenel Ka's sword. Tenel Ka herself following him, her head bowed. She stared down at her feet as she shuffled along the path.

Into the silence, Anakin spoke. "Well, it looks like Eryl knew what we were doing the entire time, and she still pretended to not know, even though she was so worried over us both."

Suddenly she ripped the sword from his hand, and pulled off the cloth wrapping Anakin had placed it in.

In a rage, she swung the weapon at a stone fence, crushing a section of it. Then she spun and sliced through a thin, decorative tree.

Screaming, she jumped up and landed next to a child's riding toy. She sent her blade slicing through it, and then darted forward to send her blade through the door of a parked speeder.

She yanked the blade back out, and by then Anakin had caught up with her. From behind her, he slipped his arms beneath hers, and laced his fingers behind her neck, attempting to immobilize her.

She struggled in his grip.

"Tenel Ka! Stop it! It's my fault! It's my fault that Eryl got hurt again!"

"No!" Tenel Ka cried out, the first words she had spoken since they had found Eryl. "It is my fault. If I had told her the truth sooner..."

Her body went limp in his arms, even as it was wracked by her sobs.

"I am the only one who never gets hurt..." she said in a weak voice. "I cause everyone else pain..."

Then she pushed upwards, trying to break his grip on her. "Why am I the only one?!"

"Calm down, Tenel Ka!" Anakin hissed in her ear.

Then he noticed movement from her sword, she was bringing it around, positioning its tip beneath her chin.

Acting on instinct, he dropped his grip on her, and pulled that arm up and away. He slid his hand down the inside of her arm, until his fingers caught in the sword's guard. Then with a slight push, he sent the sword flying through the air.

It came to a rest, even as Anakin was twisting Tenel Ka around to face him.

"You idiot!" he scolded her. Then he grabbed her face in both of his hands, and leaned forward until they noses were only centimeters apart. He looked into her grey eyes as tears streamed down her face, and wondered how he could ever have thought those eyes cold and heartless, filled as they were with such pain. "What do you think will happen if you hurt yourself? You'll just lose everything."

He paused for a moment.

"Do you want to lose everything? Everything that you, Eryl and I have made together?"

He paused again, watching the tears as they streamed down her face.

"Answer me, Tenel Ka."

Slowly, she shook her head. "I... I d-do not..."

He straightened, and pulled her to him, wrapping her in his arms.

"Then let's go back to the Temple. Let's end this tonight. If you're going to blame yourself, do it later. Okay?"

She did not answer, and he stepped away, and looked down at her again. The tears still flowed freely.

He placed his hands on her shoulder, and gave her a gentle shake. "Okay?"

Finally she lifted her head slightly, her eyes focused on his. "I... I will do as you say."

Anakin smiled at her, and pulled her close for another hug; surprised as her arms snaked around his waist.

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They walked through the Temple, swords in hand. She took the lead, with him a step behind her. The dark casting odd shadows on the walls and in the classrooms.

"How many are left?" Anakin asked Tenel Ka.

"Three," she replied.

Then he could see the distortion flicker into existence beyond her. Anger and hate seemed to reverberate through the Force.

Suddenly he could feel pain and loneliness wash through him, coming from behind him. He spun around, to see another distortion slip around the corner of a connecting hallway.

Anakin pressed his back against Tenel Ka's and raised his sword.

"Let's take care of all of them tonight," he said. "And then, we'll go for some gyoodun."

He could feel it as she nodded her head, once quickly in acceptance. "Yes."

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