I Want To Be Your Knight: Chapter Eleven

Chapter 10

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I was sitting at a dirty table in a dim corner of the bar. Amusingly enough, it was the same bar that I had followed Kyp into so many weeks ago. I was working on my third ale, and had already downed half of it.

I looked around at the bar's other occupants. Their was the usual smattering of humans, plus two Ithorians in the far corner and then standing at the bar was a Nikto, a Bothan and a group of Duros celebrating a naming day.

The smoky haze was comforting to me somehow. Gave me a sense of security, of anonymity.

I always did my best thinking when I was alone, and right now, thinking was definitely something I needed to do. I had come back to the Jedi to finish my training in an effort to get closer to Jys. To get her forgiveness.

Taking another swallow of my ale, I grimaced at its watery taste and placed the glass onto the table in front of me. Then I faced a fact that I hadn't really wanted to face. That I hadn't wanted to admit to myself.

Jysella had shamed me. She had stood up for that old man, when I was perfectly happy to sit idly by and watch him get kicked around.

That was what this whole thing was all about.

No. Even more than that, I wanted to be worthy of the example which Jys gave me. I had protected Jysella instinctively that time, and she had been angry and frustrated at me for doing so.

I drained the rest of my ale, and ordered another one. Knowing that I was going to need more alcohol.

It wasn't even that I wanted to be worthy of Jys. It wasn't even about getting her forgiveness. At least not anymore. If it ever really was.

What I wanted was to protect her.

What I wanted was to love her.

The serving droid dropped my new ale off at the table, and rolled away with my empty glass. I took a sip of it, and sighed.

To be loved by her.

Kriff! I thought, and grabbed at the bridge of my nose. I really didn't need this. I just needed to complete my training, show Jys that I really had changed. Show her that I was really a good person. That I was really sorry about what had happened to her Mother. That I was sorry, that I still hurt, that I was still devastated, by my role in what had happened. Then I grabbed my glass and took a longer draught of ale as what I had just admitted to myself sank in.

Of course, then I had to figure out just what Seha was to me. I sighed again, and gingerly touched my lips. I cast my thoughts back and remembered the sensations, the taste, of kissing Seha.

"Shavit, why did this have to happen?"

I drank some more of my ale.

A shadow flickered across the table, and I looked up from my glass of ale, to see Kyp sliding into the bench opposite of me. He smirked in my direction. "Ah, it seems I have found my lost padawan. I'm not sure what happened, but it seems that you've torn apart the lovely team work that the three of you worked so hard to build on Myrkr."

I sighed, and dropped my gaze back to my glass. "I don't want to talk about it."

Kyp laughed at me. It seemed like that was his new favorite pass time. At least when he was laughing at me, he wasn't grabbing at the bridge of his nose. Of course, I think the opposite was true as well.

"You've got to learn something Ben. If I cared that you didn't want to talk about it, I'd wait around for you to come to me. Now spill."

I flicked my gaze towards him, and gave him the best impression of the evil glare I used to get from my mother whenever I did something bad. He snickered, and said, "I got those looks from your Mom more often than you did. They scared me coming from her, but not from you. First off. What's wrong with Jys?"

I winced. He had to pick that one first. I had no desire to talk about Jysella, so I reached out for my glass. As my hand neared it, it rattled and slid away from me. I frowned, and moved to grab it again. And it slid away once more.

I looked up at Kyp, and he had that smirk on his face.

"Fine," I muttered. "Jys is mad because I walked in on her changing."

Kyp frowned for a moment. "That's it? That's odd, but okay. So what's the deal with Seha?"

I winced again, realizing that I wasn't really ready to talk about Seha either. I looked at Kyp again, and realized that he wasn't going to let this drop, so I leaned back in my seat. "She kissed me." His eyebrow arched upwards, and through the Force, I could feel the shock emanating from him. I glared at him. "No need to be that shocked that a girl kissed me."

He snorted, and then shook his head. "No... It's not that. My surprise was because everyone is either scared of you or hates you. The reason why I placed you with Jys and Seha was not because they liked you. Rather it was because those were the only two students you took any interest in or notice of. So basically, my shock was that she kissed you."

I shook my head. "That doesn't make it any better, y'know."

Kyp grinned at me. "So, what happened after she kissed you?"

I rubbed my temples, feeling a headache coming on. "I... I kind of ran away."

To my surprise, Kyp didn't laugh. Rather he grabbed at the bridge of his nose again, and slowly shook his head. "You stupid, stupid, Skywalkers. No wonder she was in the common room crying when I got there."

Pain ripped at my heart, and I dropped my head to the table. "She was crying?"

Inadvertently, I had hurt someone else. In my surprise and shock, I had reacted almost instinctively, and did not think through how she would feel about my actions. After I had told her that I wasn't cruel, I had done something like that to her.

The thought that I really was no better than a Sith kept circling through my head.

"Yeah," Kyp replied to my question, nodding his head. "Bawling like a new born creche infant. Wouldn't tell me what was wrong, and when Jys got back from where ever she had went, she hustled the girl off to her room, and closed the door. That's when I decided to come find you."

"Can you shoot me now?"

Kyp slowly shook his head. "Nope. Remember, I tried to get you to do that to yourself weeks ago. And think about me! I'm the one that's got to teach the lot of you. It's my job to make sure that you all turn into a good team. I stick up for you in Council, and this is the thanks I get."

"Yeah, and who's brilliant idea was that?"

Kyp snorted again, and leaned over the table towards me. "You're something of a mean drunk, aren't you, Ben?"

I fought back the urge to wince as he just smiled at me. Here was someone else calling me mean. At this rate, I'd never be good enough for Jys. That thought did make me wince.

Kyp watched me for a few more minutes, and then he slipped out of the booth as he said, "It's time to return to the Temple, Ben. Oh yeah, fix this before I have the three of you dropped on Myrkr again."

I glared at him. "Didn't you just say that that was your job?"

"Yeah, but I believe in delegation. You fix it."

I sighed and plugged my credit chit into the slot at the table, covering my bill. Then, feeling dejected and alone, I followed Kyp back to the Temple.

Silence reigned in the lift as we rode up to the floor our quarters was on.

The lift came to a stop, and the doors slid open to reveal the source of my current dilemmas. Standing on the opposite side of the thresh-hold were Jysella and Seha. Both of the girls were staring at me. Seha blushing, while Jys' eyes narrowed slightly.

Kyp stepped past them, and said. "Well, good night."

After he got a few steps down the hall, he turned back towards me, that grin on his face. "You got your assignment Ben. It's due by morning."

Then he tossed me a wave and disappeared into the room. The girls continued to block my way off the lift. After a moment, Jys grabbed Seha by the elbow and pulled her onto the lift. The doors closed behind them, and I suddenly realized that I was trapped in there with them both.

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