I Want to be Your Knight - Ch. 26

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I stepped out of the refresher, glad to be out of the hospital gown. I was still drying my hair when I ran into Jysella, who had just stepped out of one of the cabins. She looked at me for a moment, as a bright blush appeared on her cheeks.

I found myself at an utter loss for words. I didn't know what to say or do, all I could think about was the feel of her lips on my cheek. As insane as it sounds, I wanted to grab her, hold her tight to me and spin her around. Maybe let out a yip of joy that we had both survived.

I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Which was probably a blessing in disguise. I remember one time when I was 15 or so when I had that same feeling in my heart at seeing a girl. I ended up comparing her to a fish. To be specific, an Orsa from Arcturus. Which as you may or may not know has been voted the most hideous creature for fifteen years now; one biologist postulates that their appearance to creatures that see in the visual light range is a survival mechanism. They're literally too ugly to eat.

After a few moments, she dropped her head, and then mumbled, "Sorry, excuse me." Then she had darted around me and rushed into the refresher. I stared at the closed door for a moment, wondering what I should do. After all, know that I apparently gotten her to understand that I was sorry for what had happened to her mother, I was still left with the problem of getting her to be my friend again. I missed the relationship that we used to have, and I still wanted it back.

Sighing, I finally turned away from the refresher and went into the common area.

Sitting on one of the chairs, with her back towards me was Seha. Her body was hunched over with her face cradled in her hands. Her shoulders shook and I could hear her cries: soft and heartbreaking. I stepped further into the room. "Seha?"

Like a frightened whisperkit, she sprang from the seat and spun around to face me. Streaks of tears stained her face, and her eyes were rimmed with red. "B-b-ben?"

Another step. "Are you all right?"

She worried at her lower lip for a moment, and then nodded her head. "Yes... no..." Then she sighed and dropped back into her seat. "I don't know... I really don't."

Fighting to keep a frown off my face, I closed the distance and sat down across from her. After a moment, I leaned forward, closer to her. My psychology book told me that that was a way to foster confidences and intimacy while trying to get information. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She looked at me for a moment, her teeth still biting at her lower lip. Finally, she snorted. "You really are as dumb as Jys says aren't you?"

I blinked. How exactly does one answer that question.

She sighed, and leaned closer towards me, delving deep into my personal space, her face less than a dozen centimeters from mine.

"What do you think of me Ben?"

"I..." And that was the question, I really didn't want to answer. Especially since I hadn't thought that hard about it.

"I like you Ben. A lot. Do you think..."

I sighed, and leaned back slightly; scared that if I stayed to close to her then I'd kiss her. "I don't know Seha... I really don't."

My eyes flicked over her shoulder and I saw Jysella standing there. A rock settled deep in my gut. Seha must have sensed my change in mood because she looked over her shoulder, and then glanced back at me for a moment.

"Think about it. But don't take to long, I won't wait forever."

Then she stood up and fled deeper into the ship. Jys stared after her for a few minutes, and then looked over at me; her eyes cold and hard. She turned away and was about to leave, when I called out, "Jys, wait!"

She paused, her hand against the bulkhead, her head lowered slightly. "What?"

"I..." I hated this. Not just asking for her thoughts, but the distance that was still there hanging between us. I struggled to figure out something to try and talk to her about; anything really. Finally, my mouth opened again, and words pooled out. "Do you think I can get some advice from you?"

Her Force presence suddenly shut down. Fast. For a second, I wondered if I should have just let her flee from me. "It's about Seha, isn't it?"

I blinked. There was something a bit off in her voice. "Yeah, it is."

She stood there, with her back towards me for a few minutes. I was afraid that she was about to bolt from the room again; and knew that if she did ourburgeoning friendship would be effectively dead. Then, somewhat to my surprise, she turned around and came over to take the chair Seha had just vacated. "So talk."

I watched her eyes for a minute. They were hard as if she had no desire to be anywhere near me. I began to tell her the various things that had been bothering me about Seha, most of which she knew, and I could tell that she was starting to get fidgety. I had just finished with that last conversation I had just had with Seha, and was about to tell her that I didn't think I was really interested in Seha that way, when Jys interrupted me.

"I don't see what your problem is. Just give it a try."

Jysella looked away from me, her eyes flicking off of mine and quickly jumping from item to item in the room. I leaned back in my chair, frowning. A felt an odd ache in my chest. I knew that that wasn't really what I had wanted to hear. Maybe, I was hoping for Jys to give me a reason not to date Seha. I don't know, but I do know that encouragement wasn't what I was after.

"I... I guess... Yeah, you're right," I replied.

Her eyes flicked back to mine for a moment, and then she looked away again. "She's a great girl, I'm sure you'll be happy.

Then she got up and turned away. Leaving me alone watching her back as she left.

And that was the last time she looked me in the eyes until after we got back to Coruscant.

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