I Want to be Your Knight - Ch. 27

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The next week found us being pushed through a battery of medical and academic tests. The medical ones designed solely to ensure that we had recovered sufficiently that our next mission would not kill us, while the academic ones were designed solely to torture us. Or at least that was my guess.

Seha appeared to be enjoying them, and I don't think Jys minded them that much either. At least they did better on them than I did. A fact which Jys took the time to rub in. Repeatedly.

After I had finished my final batch of tests, I once more snuck out of the Jedi Temple and made the short trip to my favorite bar. Well, it wasn't my favorite, but it was the only one within walking distance, and I had already set up a line of credit with them that charged to an Intel account from my Guard days.

Two hours later, and on my third mug of the good Corellian ale which Uncle Han liked, she found me. I noticed her as she walked in. After all, the only thing more noticeable than someone in Jedi robes is someone wearing a Guard uniform.

She paused in the doorway, highlighted by the afternoon sun and all of a sudden I was thirteen again, and she was the older girl coming to chat with me about something I had done during training. She wasn't the first girl that I noticed in that special way, that would have been Nelani Dinn, Jacen's first victim, but she was awfully close to being that. And as she stood there, all those feelings slammed down on me again.

She really was a pretty girl. Great head of hair, a pretty smile, and as our time in Corellia's hospitals had revealed, she did have a killer set of legs.

As I watched her walk towards me, that last conversation with Jysella flashed through my mind again. She had left no uncertain terms that she thought I should accept Seha's advances.

Finally, Seha arrived at my table, and looked down at me, not quite smiling. "Hey Ben."

I gave her my best Uncle Han impression, and gestured towards the seat opposite me. "Want to join me?"

She smiled shyly, and slid into the seat. The waitress droid rolled over, and she ordered something, as I struggled to figure out just what I was feeling. I hated not knowing exactly what I was feeling or thinking. It made things too confusing, and the perfume she was wearing did nothing to help my state of mind.

Finally, she turned those green eyes of hers on me, and said, "We're finally alone, so let's have our chat."

I took another swig of my ale, and set the bottle down, nodding my head. "Yeah, I guess we better."

A tense silence stretched between us for a moment. She sighed, and looked away, one balled fist, propping up her cheek. "Kriff, how many times do I have to throw myself at you?"

I felt a blush begin to burn my cheeks. "I...ahh.. uhm... I..."

Her face shifted, and she started watching me. A smile began to curl her lips. "You're cute when you don't know what to say."

"Ah, thanks," I lamely replied.

She chuckled and then took a swallow of her ale. I leaned back in my chair, watching as she set the bottle back down onto the table top.

"I don't really know what I feel," I said. Her eyes widened as her face snapped back towards mine. "I've got to admit, I had a crush on you the first time I ever saw you. Yet, my mind's been so kriffed over so much since I was thirteen that I honestly don't know what I feel half the time. But, I think I owe it to you and me to find out."

She frowned for a moment. "So, exactly what are you saying?"

I sighed, and lifted my eyes to stare at the ceiling for a moment. "I'm saying that we should give it a shot. That we can try this dating thing and see how it works."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you want to try this dating thing?"

"Well, just because."

She sighed, and I lowered my gaze to lock onto hers for a moment. Finally, she said, "Say it clearly."

"Fine," I replied. "I like you."

I felt her eyes staring at me. Then she pulled out a datapad and tossed it onto the tabletop. "Write it down."

Frowning, I did as she asked, and used her pad to put down the fact that I wanted to take her out on a date, and that I did so because I liked her. She picked up the device, her eyes flicking over the letters I had written. A small smile twisted her lips, as she continued to focus on the datapad.

"I'm happy. I... I had never though I'd actually be happy. It's almost enough to make me cry."

I continued to watch her as she reread the datapad, and slowly came to the realization of just how much she liked me. I slowly realized just how much I had been hurting her by ignoring her feelings.

It was a painful realization, not quite the direct shot to the gut as Kyp's comments after that first kiss, but still. It showed me in no uncertain terms that I still had a ways to go before I would be worthy. It showed me that I still had a ways to go before I stopped being mean to those people around me, even when I was just trying to be their friend.

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