I Want to be Your Knight - Ch. 33

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I stared at her for a moment, and then hung my head. No matter how much I wished otherwise, there was only a single answer for that.

"Yes," I whispered, hating myself the entire time.

Of course, I'd gotten good at that.

I felt Seha's shock roll across me in the Force, and the pain as Jys' tears flowed freely, her body shaking.

"If I had seen you, I would have taken you over to the Anakin Solo. I obeyed orders, Jys. I was a Lieutenant in the Guard. That doesn't excuse all the things I did, but at the time I didn't know..." Frowning, I paused. I had been about to say that I didn't know better. But that would have been a lie. "No, I knew better, I just... I just trusted Jacen."

I leaned back in my seat, gingerly touching my nose where Jys had hit it.

Jysella cried there on the deck of the cockpit, and I watched, wanting nothing more to comfort her, to tell her that everything would be all right.

But that would've been a lie.

I knew better.

I'd lost a mother to Jacen as well.

In an ironic twist of fate, I was the cause of her death as well. She went after Jacen because he was corrupting me. I think she would have known even then that it was me that turned Mirax over to Jacen, even if Jysella hadn't still been hiding out on the Errant Venture.

So, I knew that it would never be all right again. That there was nothing that would ever quite feel the same now that her mother was gone.

I glanced over at Seha, and found her staring at me. Her face white as she chewed at her lower lip.

"Seha?"

She blinked, and then shook her head. "No... I... I'm sorry Ben, this...I... no... I can't..."

She got up and headed towards the door, stepping around Jys as if she was afraid that she would get burned by touching her. I stood up, and Seha's head snapped towards me. She looked terrified--kind of like an animal trapped in the lights of a landspeeder.

She gave another one of those quick, abbreviated shakes of her head, and then fled, literally running down the corridor. I clenched my jaw as she disappeared, and dropped back into my seat. Leaning forward, I put my head into my hands, propping my elbows on my knees as I felt the tears wanting to fall.

I forced them back, slamming the door on my emotions, locking them behind the durasteel walls where I kept them.

Why had I let her in, I thought to myself. Why? I didn't deserve any happiness. I knew that I wasn't worthy of it, I knew that I'd just end up hurting her, so why did I do it?.

As was the case so often, I didn't have an answer. All I knew was that I hated myself as much now, as I did while working for Jacen.

I'm not sure when Jysella left, but when I lifted my head she was gone. I glanced at the navicomp, watching the inevitable scroll of numbers.

Finally, it reached zero.

Absentmindedly, I reached out and grabbed the hyperspace levers, and pushed them forward.

The swirls of hyperspace fell away, replaced by the cold pinpricks of light that was a starscape. I reached out and grabbed the controls, pushing the ship around until I could see the blue and green orb that was Sinteria.

I glanced at the datapad on the pilot's console, and noted that I needed to go to the city of Cythin in the tropic region.

As I requested landing clearance for Cythin, I stretched out with the Force.

The first thing I came across was the cold, hard diamond of Jys' anger.

I reached further and found the smoldering embers of Seha's sorrow and fear.

I almost dropped out of the Force, as it hit me once again just how much I've damaged those girls.

Instead, I reached out further.

I stretched, reaching out and touching all of the Force presences on the planet below, allowing every being's sense of self wash over me, just getting a taste for the web of life, allowing it to entangle me.

The console in front of me beeped, drawing me back to the here and now. I confirmed my receipt of the landing instructions, and then sent the ship into a dive; plunging into the atmosphere.

I wanted to get this mission over with, and then see about finding an appropriate hole where I could hide out for the rest of my life.

Maybe a nice little house out in the middle of nowhere on Dagobah or Tattooine.

My danger sense flared, and my head snapped over my shoulder to find Seha standing there. Her glare was hard and dangerous.

Two adjectives I had never thought would apply to her.

I nodded my head, and turned back to the console. When I spoke, I was surprised at how even my voice sounded; especially since my stomach was doing backflips. "Why not strap in, we'll be landing in a few minutes."

She sat down in the co-pilot's station, and stared out at the clouds we were flying through.

"Are you going to leave? Run away again?"

I looked at her, and the hardness was gone. All that was left was broken edges, and a tear slicing down her cheek.

"Do you want me to stay?"

She looked at me, chewing at her lower lip. Another tear tracked down her face. "I... I honestly don't know..."

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Jedi Adept: A Path In The Dark -- Epilogue

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A lightning bolt of pain slashed across Tahiri's awareness; jerking her from the ritualistic numbness of the Embrace.

She blinked back the sweat from her eyes to find Jacen standing over her. Anger clouded his features, and his eyes seemed to glow yellow in the dim orange lighting.

"You failed me, Tahiri," he snarled at her. "The ferals have been lost as a useful contingency option."

She opened her mouth, and willed words to come from her parched throat. "I… I'm sorry Jace…"

He felt him watching her, felt the first tendrils of his power snake out from his mind and begin to invade hers. Feebly, she attempted to mount a defense, yet pain, exhaustion, hunger and thirst made her too weak, and he smashed them aside.

She felt her back arch as he invaded her mind, plunging through her memories. Every nerve lit on fire as he forced his way through her thoughts and desires. Pain clutched at her side, shards of glass tore at her lungs.

Suddenly, the invasion stopped, and she remembered how to breathe. She gulped at the air as he turned away from her. "I'm not certain if you're worth knowing about Flow Walking…"

Fear rose in her breast, and she once more had to struggle to breath. "No! Please…"

He turned back towards her, his eyes still holding that almost glow. "Then go out and find me the Jedi. If you do that, if you discover where they've hidden themselves, then we might continue. Do you understand?"

She bowed her head and felt a tear trace down her cheek. "Yes…"

He backhanded her hard, and she felt a trickle of blood start pooling at the corner of her mouth.

"From now on, you'll address me as Master or Lord."

Tahiri watched him for a moment, and then bowed her head. "Yes… Master."

"And another thing, bring me Noelani." She lifted her head, and felt her heart freezing in her chest. "Bring me, your daughter."

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Noelani stared at the viewport, watching the blackness of space give way to the bright blue of atmosphere. Her mouth was compressed into a tight line. Pain ate away at her heart. Anger and hurt smoldered in her soul.

The Stolen Star dropped lower, falling into a thunderhead. The black clouds rolled around her, as turbulent as her own emotions. Flickers of lightning played at the edges of her awareness; bright angry flashes of light and sound.

Before long, she had left the storm behind, and she continued to descend. Finally she over flew her destination. A massive ziggurat made of brilliant white Hapan marble. She could still remember the first time she had seen this building; how it gleamed a blinding silver-blue, how it caused her to stare in awe.

Now, blackened, smoldering trees were all that remained of the Temple's courtyards. Even from the cockpit of her ship she could see that the blasted remains of doors, and broken windows.

In the Force she could feel a sense of desolation and abandonment.

She landed the ship within a stone's throw of the scorch fields and then shut down the engines.

For a small eternity she sat there in the ship, listening to the hull and engine ping as they cooled down. Waiting, praying to the Force for some type of guidance; some inkling of what she was supposed to do.

Standing, she went through the ship and found herself at the ventral airlock. With a wave of her hand and a flicker of the Force, the door opened, and Noelani walked out. Smells and sound, and a light wind tugged at her, trying to draw her back through her memories.

She stepped off the gangplank, and could almost imagine Tionne standing there saying "Welcome to Ossus, Noelani."

She wrapped her arms around her own shoulders and dropped to her knees as the first of the tears flowed down her cheek. It splashed against the dusty ground, and she stared at it for a moment.

Then she lifted her face to the sky, just as a break in the clouds allowed a shaft of sunlight to strike her.

"Why?" she screamed at the heavens, her voice roughened with anger and pain.

The only answer was the echoes of her own voice.

Rage gripped her heart again and she struggled to her feet. Reaching out with the Force, she grabbed the closest of the buildings, and pushed. With a thunderous crash it crumpled under the power of her anger.

Then she turned to another building.

Then another.

And finally, yet another.

Exhausted, she once more collapsed to the ground, her body shivering with her tears.

"Why?"

This time it was nothing but a whisper; the weakened cry of her broken heart.

This time though, she was answered. "Why? It is merely because you refuse to take command of the power which the Force provides you."

Noelani rolled to her feet, her saber springing to her hand to find a Yuuzhan Vong warrior standing in the shadows of the Temple itself. The warrior was female, and garbed in what almost appeared to be Jedi robes.

The warrior stepped forward, and Noelani hissed in a breath. She recognized this warrior; having been tortured by her not that long ago.

The warrior smiled; a hideous grin of flayed flesh and missing teeth. "I see you remember me."

Noelani ignited her saber; its throbbing sounded loud in her ear, a noise begging to be used, released; a noise which nearly demanded her to slay the warrior. "Yes. I do. What do you want?"

The warrior's grin turned into a full-fledged smile. "Is it what I want? Or what you need?"

Noelani frowned for a moment. "I… I don't…"

"No? You don't?" The warrior uttered a short bark of a laugh. "Don't you want the power to force your former Jedi compatriots to see the error of their ways? Has Master Skywalker ever bothered to even apologize to you for what he has done?"

She shut down her weapon, allowing her arms to slump to her sides. "I… I... no. No, he hasn't…"

Ulya Tu walked closer to her, placing her hands on Noelani's shoulders. Comforting her. Noelani lifted her head, focusing on those large, grey irises. Ulya's lips twitched in imitation of a human smile. "Let me teach you how to force them to apologize. Let us force them to acknowledge what they have done to you."

Noelani looked up at the warrior as a tear rolled down her cheek. Slowly, she nodded her head, and after a short eternity, she simply said, "Teach me."

First Kiss; Last Kiss

Once in a great while lips meet and two spirits merged for a time and the universe was right and complete and the planets wheeled in their proper places.

And despite everything else that was happening, this was one of those times.

Or at least that was what Jysella Horn told herself, while her lips were pressed tightly against Ben's.

That eternal moment, that second, in which they were able to ignore the sounds of the dying. They could ignore the searing heat of plasma that flickered by centimeters over their heads. It was a blessed moment, when they could ignore everything and everyone in this crazy, mixed up place that most folks called the real world.

For that single, blessed moment, in the midst of the death and destruction of the unending war, they were at peace. They, two halves of the same soul, were reunited and made whole.

Even though she knew that he could die, or she could, or any of their soldiers, at that second in time, none of that mattered. She was happy, and in love, and with the boy she loved. Nothing else mattered.

She poured everything that she felt, that she was, through their bond, and into him, the same way that he poured all that he was into her. This was their ritual; as essential to going into battle for them, as checking their lightsabers' power packs. That heady feeling they needed, wanted, desired even.

The feelings as they kissed--lust, love, compassion, need, longing, and a thousand others--were just as bright, just as intense for this kiss, as they were for their very first kiss, which had occurred on a battlefield just like this one a thousand systems ago.

But as always was the case, their moment, their kiss, was over way too soon. He pulled away with the roguish grin he worked so hard to perfect and keep on his face. After all, their soldiers followed him not because of who his father was, but because of who his cousin was.

So, Ben did things to encourage that following. He grinned like his Uncle Han. He led from the front lines like his Grandfather. Even that kiss was part of the act. The soldiers enjoyed the fact that their two leaders were married and loved one another; it made them all remember a loved one back home for who they were fighting. And he was always, always, the first into the most dangerous situations.

A couple of ancient soldiers from the Clone Wars said that his Grandfather used to be just like that. The Hero Without Fear. She knew that Ben hated that name. He had fear, and a lot of it, he just refused to let it show, or to let it affect what he knew had to be done. Ben played the part of the Hero Without Fear.

And he played the part perfectly.

Jysella though, she hung back, and watched with her heart in her mouth. At least for a moment. Ben knew that Jys would be up and over the ramparts moments after him. She had to watch his back after all. But that initial charge, the first burst, that was all him.

It was what was required and expected of him.

And though she hated it, hated seeing him put himself into danger in that way, she loved him for it as much as the rest of their squad, their army did.

He stepped away from her.

"I love you," she said to him with a smile.

Her grinned, and replied, "I know." Then he turned towards the rampart, and drew the Force to him.

With a quick glance over his shoulder, he winked at her, and then his blade was ignited and he was throwing himself over the bulwark, and towards the enemy below. Her heart plunged as she began her five-count, listening to his blade as it changed pitch and tone based on what he was doing. Jysella knew those sounds by heart.

One.

That pitch was him redirecting a laser blast.

Two.

That pitch was him swinging the sword through an infinity arc.

Three.

That tone was him catching a slug, or maybe a black-market thud-bug, on his blade.

Four.

Then the unmistakable happened. A sound she wasn't prepared for. One she had never heard on the battlefield before. Then silence. That unmistakable sound of a lightsaber was just... gone. Despite the noise and the explosions, all Jysella heard was the nothingness which the battle now lacked.

Five.

Her blade flared to life at the same time that the sound of Ben's name erupted from her lips. Her powers surged, and she threw herself forward, scrambling over the rapport, and then tossing herself into the fray, even as her eyes shifted about, hunting for him.

Her brain refused to believe what her eyes were telling her. He was just not there. Their soldiers streamed past her, sending waves of coherent light towards the enemy, but she did not care. They fell by the hundreds as the enemy returned fire, but she did not care.

All that mattered was that lack. That nothingness which was all she could feel of Ben.

Her blade moved of its own accord, protecting her when needed, slashing at the enemy whenever one got to close. That was happening in the mundane world though. Jysella was beyond that, her focus, her consciousness was deep within the Force.

She screamed into the velvet folds of the battle that waged around her, hunting, searching for some speck of Ben.

Finally, her foot touched something round and metal, and the mundane world crashed back into her awareness with all the explosions, smoke, grit and dirt of the battle.

She hunkered down, and found his lightsaber. Tears instantly sprang to her eyes, as she cradled the weapon to her chest.

She looked around, hunting for any sign of him, not really able to see a thing through the blur which the tears had made her vision become.

So intently was she looking, so focused on just finding Ben, that she never heard the sound of the battle stop. The first she knew that it was over was when a hand fell onto her shoulder; heavy, armored.

She stopped, and blinked back her tears. There was a cold, oiliness to the Force presence behind her. He, and it was definitely a he, wasn't one of her soldiers.

She stood, and turned around, keeping Ben's blade hidden from the soldier's view.

He stood there, watching her. His black GAG armor held an almost reddish tint from the dust and grim which still hung in the air at waist height, his helmet was gone--probably discarded at some point in the battle due to damage. He was young, maybe five years younger than Jysella, maybe ten; but that didn't matter.

He was the enemy. She poured her will into the Force, and flung it at him. Making him see her as a superior officer of the Guard.

"Do we know what happened to Ben Skywalker?"

The soldier's entire stance changed. He snapped to parade attention and instantly stopped pointing his carbine at her. "No ma'am. He disappeared during the battle and we've not found him yet."

She fought to keep a snarl from her voice. "Then go see if there's an update and report back immediately."

The soldier jogged off, and she once again took up looking for Ben's body. Hoping and praying that she finds it, even while dreading that she will. It was an odd feeling, an emptiness and a pain; one that threatened to consume her very sense of self. She had to know his fate, she had to find him.

Of that she was certain.

Then, suddenly, she was certain, and in that moment, she would give up that clear, hard certainty for ambiguity and not knowing.

She had found him. His body rested in the dirty, hidden among the smoke and dust which still hung heavily on the air. She waved away the dirt, and looked at him, her eyes, taking in his form, flickering from one feather to another, from his reddish-blond hair, cropped close to his skull, to his brilliant blue eyes which were lackluster and dull.

Finally, Ben had lived up to his moniker, he truly was the Hero Without Fear.

She knelt down into the dust, and pressed her forehead against his, trying to not smell the stench of charred flesh and plasteel armor. They had always known that sooner or later, one of them wouldn't make it back from one of these battles. Of course, they had always assumed it would be later, but that knowledge of encroaching death was the real, unspoken, reason that they had always kissed right before every battle. Just to make sure that there would be a last kiss.

She saw her tears splash against his slack face. "You just had to play the part. You couldn't let the rest of us go over at the same time as you, and you wouldn't ever hear of staying back for a moment. No, you had to be the Hero without Fear. You kriffing schutta."

She saw his saber resting next to him, where she had unconsciously laid it. She snatched the blade up, and placed the emitter next to her heart. There was no need to be here anymore. She couldn't do this by herself. She wasn't strong enough. Not without him.

Her thumb began pressing on the activator.

The standard lightsaber activation plate requires seven pounds of pressure to activate. Ben's took 6.9 pounds.

Jysella had applied 6.8 pounds of pressure before she opened herself to the Force and stopped. She kept the pressure applied, but she listened. It was whispering to her, in his voice. Telling her that she could go on, that she needed to.

"Why?" she cried out. The sound echoed back to her across the now empty battlefield.

In response, she remembered an old, old lesson. A lecture she had heard well over a decade ago, maybe even two, right at the end of the Vong War. Master Tionne, was talking about the Force, and had said, "Life sustains it, makes it grow. When we kill, we destroy the Force. We weaken ourselves and all other life. With every death, the Force itself dims. But, with new life, the Force is renewed. With each and every birth, the Force glows and grows and becomes stronger than it was before. That is the balance that we must protect. That is the balance of the Force."

Jysella's eyes snapped open. They had not been abstinent, but they had been taking precautions against pregnancy. All of the standard anti-pregnancy tricks which were available to all of soldiers under their command. The same ones which GAG used, and the Imperial Remnant, and even the GAR, decades ago.

She touched the Force again, but instead of reaching out, she reached in. She hunted, and search, and then found. A nugget of something that was not her, and was not Ben, but was them both at the same time. She gulped at the air, trying to understand.

Ben's voice seemed to laugh through the Force. "The Force wills to happen, what it will."

She finally released the pressure she held against the activator plate, and dropped back onto her haunches. This is real, she thought to herself. I'm going to have Ben's baby..

Standing, she looked about at the death and destruction and suddenly knew. She knew with the certainty that only the most fanatic of fanatics ever manages to achieve. It had never been her job, or Ben's job, to fix things. They were never there to end the war. There were not there to win. They were just a stop-gap measure. Something to ensure that it didn't get too bad before the person who was supposed to fix everything showed up.

Their real job had always been to create the person who would.

Ben had lived up to his name. He had stepped forward time and time again, doing that which the Force willed. And as always, the Force used and then took him back into itself. His job was complete. Now, hers was just beginning.

She knelt down again and took Ben's nexu-tags and gripped his saber tighter in her hand. These would be the only remembrance their child would have of Ben. But, Jysella knew they would be enough.

As the tears flowed down her face, she watched Ben for another long moment, memorizing his face. Closing her eyes, she slowly exhaled, letting go of the anger that she felt towards him.

She knew it was time to go now. She had over a klick to walk in order to get to the retrieval point, and it was probably all hostile territory by now. But she also knew that it would be all right.

Standing, she turned away from Ben, and realized that she was facing the setting sun. It seemed appropriate somehow. The end of day, plus the promise of new life around the corner. It was representative of her. She knew that she was facing a new world. Her love, her life, her Ben, was dead, but their child was healthy and would be born in just a few short months.

Without looking back, she took her first step into this new world. A world which was at once both larger and smaller than the one she had left behind.

Chasing Dreams

Chase Pollitska sighed as he stepped out of his small conapt. He was in the depths of the Blackpit Slums, a vile district of Coruscant renowned throughout the planet-wide city for having the highest crime rate of any of the districts.

It was dirty and smelled of oil and smog. Yet it offered Chase the anonymity that he desired.

The anonymity that he needed after what BioTech Industries had done to him. The experiments that they had performed on him.

He hated himself due to them. He wasn't human, at least not anymore.

He scrubbed at his face as he walked through the hallway, heading towards the main entrance. He currently had a job washing dishes at a greasy diner a few blocks upwards. It was menial work, but it provided him enough credits for food and his small room. More than that, he didn't really need.

He frowned as he looked down the long hallway. The despair seemed to roll off of everything down here, and his eyes lighted on a woman and her young daughter. She wasn't much older than he himself was, but her child often had to cry itself to sleep in order to get away from the ever prevalent hunger.

He didn't know her story; didn't know why she was down here, hiding with the child. He didn't really care either. He knew she had her reasons, the same way he had his own.

But that didn't stop him from handing her the small bag he carried. It contained two sandwiches and a couple small pieces of fruit. The fruit had cost him a day's wages down here, but he didn't mind.

He ignored her sputtering protests as he continued walking down the hallway towards the stairs. As he reached them, he could hear her begin to cry and being to yell "thank you" after him.

He hung his head, not really wanting to hear it, but knowing that he would until he had gotten at least three flights down.

He pushed through the door, and rushed down the stairwell, his feet falling heavily, as the echoes reverberated through the narrow duracrete room.

Finally, he was at the level he needed, and darted through another door and stepped out into the dismal, depressing air of lower level Coruscant.

He glanced around, taking stock of his surroundings, the yammosk cells embedded in his brain giving him indications on which of the beings that walked around him were the most dangerous to him.

He sighed, not wanting yet another reminder of the fact that he was no longer human.

Shoving his hands into his jacket, he hunched his shoulders up and began walking towards the diner where he worked. Walking like this was not really comfortable, but he found that when he did, he was left alone.

Slowly, he passed one dark alley after another, the yammosk constantly updating the threat analysis. He had tuned out the world around him, ignoring the traffic noises, the hawking street vendors, and even the all-too-common beggars.

Then something stopped him. Some noise had cut through the filters he had built around his reactions.

Frowning, he took a step back, and looked down the darkened alley. Deep in its depths, he could make out two forms, standing over something. The yammosk in his brain raced, providing its thoughts on the danger those two posed to him.

He ignored the yammosk. They were doing something, and he couldn't help but intervene.

Slowly, he turned and began to make his way down the alley, his hands held loosely at his sides, as he stepped around the piles of trash.

As he drew closer, he could hear the chuckles the two were making. It was low and guttural, and rankled at the back of his brain. A flash of silver caught his eye, and the yammosk trilled a warning down his spine. He glanced down at what the two were standing over, and his teeth clenched in anger.

It was a girl, around his age, maybe a year or two older. Horror filled her brown eyes, as she tried to push herself into the wall. A large bruise was already forming her right temple, and he could make out a trickle of blood seeping from the corner of her mouth.

"What the kriff are you two schuttas doing," he snarled at them.

The larger of the two, turned to look at him. He was the most massive Bothan Chase had ever seen, and he wondered just how many steroids the fur-covered alien had to have consumed in order to generate that much muscle mass.

"Wazzit toja, pup," the Bothan slurred.

Chase's lips twitched slightly, and he focused on the other person in the alley. He was kneeling over the girl, his hands on her clothes, a knife halfway cutting through the fabric. He was human, and nowhere near the size of the Bothan, yet, for some reason the yammosk in his brain sent more shivers of alarm down his spine--and Chase knew which of the two was the most dangerous.

"She's under my protection."

The human laughed, and patted the Bothan on the shoulder. "Kartr, why don't you go deal with our young friend here, would you? The fem here will keep 'till your done."

The Bothan's snout twisted into a horrid version of a grin; something that would not be misplaced on a Vong. Then he began advancing, his arms held out wide as if he expected to run forward and crush Chase.

Chase though, had other plans. He hunkered low, and darted forward, he reached into his pocket, and pulled out a stylus, then punched forward, slamming the slim cylinder into the Bothan just beneath the sternum.

Kartr doubled over, and dropped to his knees, howling in pain. Chase spun around, and kicked him in the side of the head, the durasteel tipped boots he wore rung hollowly as they connected. Chase watched as the Bothan's eyes rolled backwards, and then he dropped to the ground.

Grinning, Chase turned towards the human. "Leave, and I won't hurt you."

The knife was in the human's hand again, and with a flicker of a thumb, an electric blue glow flickered into life around the thin metal edge.

The defense patterns the yammosk had been showing suddenly shifted as it recognized the extra danger of the vibroknife.

He fell into one of the stances that had been hardwired into his muscle memory, and the human darted forward, his blade slashing through the air, leaving a blue after-imagebehind its movements.

Chase dodged, and then his fist snapped out. The man grunted in pain and shock as his knife clattered to the ground.

Chase grinned, and the man attacked with his other arm. Chase threw another punch, putting as much force into the attack as possible. His fist landed just beneath the nose, and Chase heard something crack.

The man howled in pain as he dropped to his knees. Chase pushed him over to his side, and then kicked him hard against the liver. He leaned over the man, his voice low and harsh. "If I ever see you in this district again, I will kill you."

His foot snapped out again, and slammed into the man's knee. Another snap echoed through the alley, and the man screamed in pain again.

Chase watched for a moment, and then hunkered down in front of the girl, making sure not to actually touch her. He'd made that mistake just a few days before... though he hadn't quite made it to that girl in time. She was hunched over her knees, her entire body shaking. This was the first time he had really gotten a look at her, and he realized that she was from one of the upper levels. Her body was too soft, it lacked the hunger which nearly everyone who lived at this level had. It must have been this softness which had drawn the predators to her.

"Are you all right," he asked softly.

She looked up at him, her eyes red and puffy as the tears cut down her face. She glanced around quickly, her eyes dropping to her two assailants for a moment before she focused on him. "P-p-please d-d-don't hur-hurt m-me..."

He shook his head slowly. "I'm not going to hurt you. Do you need me to take you to the closest medcenter?"

She chewed at her lower lips, her eyes flickering to the other two for a moment, before she quickly shook her head. "N-no... I... I just want to go home."

Chase nodded, and stood back up, and stepped away from the girl. She watched him for a moment, and then bounced to her feet and took off, heading towards the nearest populated street.

Quickly, he followed, staying a couple dozen meters away from her, but always within sight. He tailed her, until she safely got on a working lift, and then he shook his head, and once more resumed his walk towards the diner where he worked.

The yammosk in his brain, began its overlay of threat assessments, danger evasions and details on the best way to hurt every person he passed. Though he sometimes found the information useful, all it did, all it ever really did, was act as a continual reminder on just how inhuman he really was.

Jedi Adept: A Path In The Dark -- Ch. 23

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Noelani banked the ship slightly, watching as the building beneath them burn. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks.

A few moments later, Asyra'mata slipped into the co-pilot's station. She herself had sat in that seat so many times, with Tahiri here at the controls. It didn't seem right for someone else to be sitting there.

With the back of her hand she wiped away some of the tears, even as she made another circuit of the building.

"Are we going anywhere, or just flying in a circle until security shoots us down?"

Noelani looked over at her, and had to bite back the retort that wanted to come out. "I… you're right. We need to go."

Her fingers pressed the various controls, and the ship straightened up and flew level for a few hundred meters, until she punched another button. The ship sat up on its keel, and its ion engines flared to life.

Ignoring the cries from traffic control, Noelani poured more energy into thrust, leaving a trail of turbulence behind her which disrupted speeder traffic for kilometers.

Then they were out in space, and Noelani began inputting a course into the navcom even as the defensive computer began screaming.

She glanced over and saw the two cruisers coming over the horizon of the planet, on an intercept course.

"Kriff," she muttered.

"What is it?" Asyra'mata asked.

She gestured towards the scanners. "We've got company. I'm just hoping that we can get into hyperspace before they can get a tractor lock."

Finally, the navcom beeped, and she reached up and grasped the levers that would send them into hyperspace. She looked at the stars for a moment, wishing that she had not had to leave Chase behind.

"Good bye, Chase. I love you."

Then she pulled the levers. The stars stretched towards them and then fell away revealing the blue swirls of hyperspace.

She buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking as the tears ran freely.

Before long, the tears had gone, and she was left feeling empty and alone. She raised her head from her hands and glanced over at the pilot's station surprised to see Asyra'mata still sitting there.

Sighing, Noelani leaned back in her seat.

"Care to tell me what that whole lightning thing was about? It kind of scared me you know."

Noelani shifted her head so she could look at Asyra'mata again. "It means I failed."

The Twi'lek's eyes narrowed slightly and she leaned towards her. "What do you mean?"

"I gave into those dark emotions. I'm tainted now. I'm sure that even if I had wanted to go back, the Jedi wouldn't take me back now."

"There's a war on, they might do it."

Noelani shook her head. "No. There's no where for me now."

"So, what are you going to do with us?"

"Like I said, I'm taking you all to Papa. He's a good man; he'll take care of you all."

"That sounds like you're not staying with us."

"I'm not," she whispered. "I… I can't do it. I need to find myself again. I need to meditate and figure out what's happened. I need to know who, and what, I am"

Asyra'mata nearly leapt out of her seat. "Maybe I don't want that. Maybe I wanted to stay with you, did you ever think about that? I know that Jen and Prilla would want that as well."

Noelani shook her head. "I know. But sometimes what we want just doesn't happen. I can't stay. It's…. it's too painful. I… I'm afraid…"

"Afraid of what? Ever since I met you, you've thrown yourself at things that would send most people running in terror. What are you afraid of?"

"Of falling again. I'm scared that I'll lose control and hurt you or Jen or Prilla or Huff. That's what I'm afraid of."

Noelani turned away from Asyra'mata at that point, and once more covered her face with her hands.

She felt Asyra'mata standing over her for a few more minutes, and then she was gone, leaving Noelani alone on the bridge.

She wanted to call after her and beg her to stay.

She wanted to tell Asyra'mata that everything would be all right.

She wanted someone to tell her that.

What she did, was lean forward and cry.

-------------------------------
Tahiri knew she had screwed up.

She had been scared after Noelani had killed Lyria with Force lightning.

She had been surprised when Noelani had attacked the rest of the squad.

She had been so startled that she hadn't realized that Kirie was pushing her out into the hallway until after the door was closed and sealed.

Tahiri knew she had screwed up.

So she started to cut her way back into the room. She had to get in there before her daughter escaped. Her muscles quivered as she pulled the blade in a large circle around the thick steel of the door.

Finally, she had completed the circle. With a flicker of the Force, she pushed the circle into the room.

She looked in and saw the door opening. As she entered, she noticed that the children were rushing out through the door to the hanger.

Her eyes locked with Noelani's and she felt a way of sadness and longing emanating from her little girl.

Then she was gone. Tahiri lowered her face and started down the steps, to be brought to a stop by the discharge of a blaster. She focused on Chase and found him holding his blaster in one hand.

She took a step forward, and then Force flared in warning. His other hand opened up, as he dropped what he had been holding. Her eyes widened as she saw the thermal detonator rolling to a stop beneath Chase.

Instinctively, she threw up a Force Shield and was then slammed with a wave of energy from the detonator, and blackness claimed her.

An unknown time later, she woke to dim, smoke and dust chocked light.

She struggled out from the rubble and looked around, muttering a curse under her breath as she did so. Jacen's going to be so karking mad.

Frowning, she slowly made her way down to the bottom of the briefing room, hunting for any remains of Chase. Even now, she was surprised that he had sacrificed himself. She hadn't expected that. She hadn't even expected him to still be alive. I guess BioTech did more to him than we ever expected.

She stood at the epicenter of the blast, looking down at the slight carbon charring which were all that remained of him. The door that led to the hanger opened, and her hand instinctively went to her lightsaber.

She relaxed slightly as she saw that it was just Jacen and his usual retinue of guards. Then the Force wrapped tight around her throat as she was pulled to his hand. He held her, and she found herself looking into an angry storm of yellows and oranges and reds which had at one time been his eyes.

"I'm disappointed in you, Tahiri," he snarled.

Then the darkness claimed her once again.

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Noelani stood on the edge of the world.

Growing up, that's what she had always told herself that it was. This rim which encircled the pit that was the main courtyard of her home; she would stand at its edge and be able to look at the setting suns or just stare at the horizons all around her.

Now after all the things that she had been through, it just seemed so small and insignificant.

Yet she had never felt as far from home as she did at right that moment.

It had been three days since they had arrived. Huff had not hesitated in taking in the kids for her, but he still didn't understand why she refused to stay. Even now, she could feel him coming up to try and talk her into staying once again.

Part of her wanted to accept it, wanted to just curl up in her old room, and stay there.

Yet, the notice on the holonet stating that there was a bounty on her head for the destruction of the Guard facility on Coruscant ruled that out. Even if she hadn't needed to be alone, even if she hadn't needed to run from everything she knew, that alone would have been enough to drive her away from the kids and from her father.

That was the only thing she could do to protect them.

That was the only thing she could do to protect them from her.

Finally Huff was there beside her. She reached out and grabbed his arm, holding it tight against her, as she rested her head against his shoulder.

"You know you don't have to leave, right, Little One?"

"You know that I have to, Papa. Please don't argue this, it's hard enough already."

He sighed, and they stood together watching as Tatoo II made its inevitable march towards the horizon. Tatoo I was still high in the sky, and Noelani wished that both suns were setting at the same time. She had wanted to see that beautiful sight once again.

She had wanted to show it to Chase.

She took a deep shuddering breath, trying to not break down in tears again.

"Thank you for watching over my kids Papa."

He grunted, and she found herself smiling.

"Mama! Mama!"

She took a step away from Huff, and turned as two bundles of blonde girls slammed into her. She laughed as she hugged them tightly. Looking up, she saw Asyra'mata and Huff coming up out of the stairwell.

When the young Bothan saw her, his eyes lit up and he darted forward as well.

As she hugged the three young children, she found herself crying again. After a few minutes, she pulled back, and put one hand on Prilla's cheek and the other on Huff's muzzle.

"I've got to go away for a little while, all right?"

Jen frowned for a moment. "Can we go?"

Noelani shook her head. "No… all four of you are going to stay with Papa for a little while."

Prilla glanced behind her at the Twi'lek. "Asamata too?"

Noelani smiled at her. "Yes, Asyra'mata is going to stay with you. Now, I need you all to behave for Papa, all right."

In unison, the two blond girls chimed, "Yes, mama."

She grabbed them all for another hug and then stood up. Her Papa stepped forward and plucked up Prilla. "Come on you kids; let's go find something sweet to eat."

Jen cheered and rushed towards the stairwell, and Huff slowed down as he neared the stairs. He stopped and glanced at Noelani. Then after a moment, he descended down the steps.

Asyra'mata came forward. "I didn't trust you, you know."

Noelani gave a wry grin. "I know. I thought you something of a brat."

Asyra'mata laughed.

Noelani stepped forward and threw her arms around the Twi'lek. "I'm gonna miss you."

She felt the Twi'lek's tears on her shoulders, and was startled when the girl wrapped her own arms around her. "And I'm going to miss you as well, Noelanid'arklighter."

They broke the hug, and Noelani smiled at her. "Be good, all right?"

Asyra'mata grinned. "I can't promise anything."

Without saying another word, Noelani turned away and headed towards the ship. When she got to the ramp, she paused and looked back at Asyra'mata. The younger girl stared at her, and Noelani waved once.

Asyra'mata raised her hand, and then Noelani climbed the rest of the way into the ship. She went back to the bridge, and sat at the controls, quickly running through the pre-flight checklist. As she sent power to the repulsors, she looked out the window and saw Asyra'mata still standing there.

The Twi'lek raised her hand, and Noelani did the same.

Then she slid a control forward, and watched as the world around her fell away.

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Jedi Adept: A Path In The Dark -- Ch. 22

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Noelani stood guard as Chase and Asyra'mata raided the weapon's locker. The other three children were hunched inside the small room as well, staying out of sight, and out of the way.

She knew that it wouldn't be long before the compound realized that she had already gotten her family out of the cells, what she didn't know was what was taking them this long in the first place; she hadn't expected the Ferals to put up that much of a fight against the Guard soldiers that Tahiri had in here.

The building rumbled slightly, and at the far end of the hallway, a plume of smoke came rolling towards her. Her thumb moved closer to the ignition switch of her lightsaber as she watched the smoke dissipate.

Another blast wave rolled towards her, nearly knocking her off of her feet, and she saw that the hallway now opened up onto the undercity. She frowned as she saw the first of the Ferals rush through the newly opened hole.

Laughing, she glanced back towards the weapons locker as Chase and Asyra'mata stepped out. Each held a blaster rifle, and had a blaster pistol attached to their hip. Strung across their chests were bandoliers of thermal detonators.

"What was that?" Chase asked as he looked down the hallway.

"That was my diversion escaping back into the city."

Asyra'mata shook her head. "For weeks we've been routinely killing those things, and you let that big group back out into the wild. There's no sense to you."

Noelani sighed sadly. "I didn't do them a favor. They're all infected with some type of disease which destroys their coral. Literally melts it off. It's not pretty, and appears to be entirely fatal from the samples I saw."

She glanced over at Asyra'mata, and saw the look of shock on her face slide to one much more malicious. She gave a very adult chuckle. "Oh, that's just delicious; and to think I used to worry about you being a goody-two shoes."

Chase sighed, as Noelani just grinned at the younger girl. "Glad to disappoint, are you two ready to move? I say we just follow the ferals out that big hole in the wall."

Chase nodded his head. "Sounds good to me."

Noelani beckoned the other three kids out from the weapons locker. "All right, I'm taking point, Chase right behind me. Jen, Prilla and Huff, you three stay with Chase, and Asyra'mata cover our backs."

They all nodded, and Noelani began to jog down the hall, heading towards the hole in the wall where the last of the Ferals had just disappeared. She grinned, and pulled the Force to her, opening herself up to it.

In surprise she stumbled, and caught herself on the wall. She shook her head, trying to clear it. Shock rolled through her, as she considered things.

The Force had changed.

Where before it had been warm and welcoming, now it had become cold and oily, tainted somehow.

She felt a hand touch her on her back, and then Chase whispered, "'Lani, you all right?"

Tossing a quick smile over her shoulder at him, she nodded her head. "Yeah, just a dizzy spell. Nothing big."

He didn't look that convinced but she faced forward again and started moving.

When they got twenty meters from the hole they were aiming for as an exit two squads of Gaurdsmen appeared from around the corner. As soon as they saw her, they stopped and the front row of them dropped to their knees in a low firing stance.

"Back!" Noelani screamed as she ignited her lightsaber.

Then she started falling back as a virtual wall of coherent light flashed towards her. She weaved her saber in a complicated sequence in front of her, letting the Force guide her actions.

She managed to catch each blaster bolt that came at her or the others, sending them back in various directions. There was just too many of them for her to aim. Then she felt Chase and Asyra'mata taking up positions on either side of her.

A quick glance to the left and right saw that they held their blaster rifles to their shoulders and were firing, as well as falling back at the same rate that she was.

Then the soldiers parted and someone new advanced. Someone holding a lightsaber with an indigo colored blade.

Noelani paused for a moment as she recognized her mother.

"Mom," she said, and she could hear the despair in her voice.

She saw a flash of silver twirling towards the Guard, and then Chase grabbed her shoulder. "Let's go!"

She allowed herself to be pulled away as she watched her mother. The thermal detonator stopped in mid air, even as the rest of the soldiers dived out of the way.

A few moments later it exploded, but Noelani could still feel her mother, so she guessed that the weapon had been tossed out of the hole they had planned on escaping through.

She focused forward, and saw that Asyra'mata was leading the way, the kids immediately behind her. Suddenly she darted to the left and entered a darkened room.

Noelani came in as well, and looked around.

It was some type of briefing room. Tiered rows of seats surrounded a simple lectern. Noelani went down the steps and found a door off to the right of the lectern. Opening it slightly, she glanced out at a hanger.

In it were three ships. Two single seat fighters, and then Tahiri's Stolen Star.

She grinned and closed the door. Glancing up towards the others, she beckoned them down. "Come on, I think I've found our next way out of this joint."

The kids scampered down, and Chase moved slower, limping slightly. She frowned as he reached the bottom. "What's wrong Chase?"

He shook his head. "Just got scratched by a lucky shot out there. So, what's the new escape plan?"

She gestured towards the hanger. "Out there is mom's starship. I say I steal it, and then we just fly away."

Asyra'mata frowned for a moment. "Where would we go? I've lived my entire life here--there's nothing for me anywhere else."

Noelani smiled at her. "I'll take you all home. My papa would be happy to have my family live there."

Chase nodded his head. "That sounds nice…."

Then the door at the top of the room burst open, and a squad of soldiers darted in. Tahiri followed a moment later and stood there looking down on them.

Noelani gripped her saber tighter as she looked around. She was too far from the kids to defend them, and if she jumped over there, then Chase would be defenseless as well.

Her lips pulled back in a snarl as she realized just how kriffed she really was.

"Give up," Tahiri calmly said from the top row of the room. "There's no way you can all escape, and I don't feel like killing every one of you."

Noelani took a step forward, one which moved her closer to the kids, but further away from Chase. She felt her heart breaking as she made the decision, but it was all she could do. "Why Mom? Why do this to us? Just let us go."

Tahiri shook her head. "I can't. I have my orders."

Noelani sighed. "Then you'll just have to kill us."

She jumped towards the kids, her saber igniting even as the soldiers up top pulled their triggers.

She landed and wove her blade in a quick infinity circle, sending three bolts back towards the top row.

She could feel the soldier's shock as their own blaster fire was hurtled back towards them. They dove out of the way, and Noelani turned to look to Chase.

Just in time to see the blast strike home in the middle of his chest.

In apparent slow motion he was lifted off of his feet and flung backwards crashing into the lectern.

Time sped up as the lectern exploded in a shower of splintered wood.

"Chase!" Noelani screamed.

"Stand down!" Tahiri yelled at her soldiers.

But Noelani didn't care. She was running towards Chase. He was slumped on the ground, not moving and she slid to a stop beside him. Asyra'mata and the kids hovered above her, and she could hear Jen and Prilla crying.

Her own tears splashed against his cheek, and she stared in amazement as his eyes flickered open.

They were filled with pain, and he smiled, even as blood leaked from the side of his mouth.

"'Lani," he whispered.

She gripped his hand tightly in hers. "I'm here, Chase."

He coughed, and she could feel the flares of agony with the motion. Reaching into the Force she touched his body and her worst fears were confirmed. The bolt had snipped one of the major arteries leading from his heart and punctured a lung.

His mouth was moving, and she pressed her forehead to his, straining to hear anything.

A single, last word came out. "Love-"

She tossed her head back and screamed.

Anger.

Hate.

Rage.

Revenge.

Suffering.

Despair.

Dark emotions slammed into her. Everything that she had been taught to avoid, every single emotion that as a Jedi she had learned to suppress, blasted past her emotional damns, and flooded into her; through her. She drank in those dark emotions, pulling them from the kids and Asyra'mata, savoring their taste, their feel.

She became a receptacle for those emotions, they swarmed her, eating away at her consciousness; at her very self.

With a start, she realized that she could release them.

Staggering to her feet she looked up and saw the squad and Tahiri. Tahiri's face was hard, but Noelani could feel her mother's sorrow and suffering. Just more Dark Emotions for Noelani to consume.

To Tahiri's left was the soldier who had shot Chase. Her rifle had been lowered. She was protected only by the standard Galactic Alliance Guard armored uniform.

Noelani snarled and raised her hand; palm out, fingers splayed and then she flung those dark emotions at the soldier.

She felt the hate roll through her and down her arm. The Force erupted from her outstretched palm and the air roiled around her. The positive and negative energies of the molecules in the air shattered, creating an imbalance between her and the soldier.

And nature abhors an imbalance.

Energy flooded the area, and then lightning, nature's vehicle for repairing imbalances between positive and negative charges in the air, ripped out from Noelani's palm to strike the masked soldier.

An electronic scream echoed through the briefing room as the soldier was slammed against the wall and pinned there by the energy. The putrid stench of burnt human flesh hung heavily on the air.

The sound of Jen gagging reached Noelani's ears and she clasped her hand into a tight fist pulling it back to her chest; drawing the dark emotions back into her heart.

She stared in horror as the soldier dropped to the ground and stayed there. The thick black smoke that came from the openings in the uniform left no doubt as to the soldier's state.

She shifted her gaze towards Tahiri. Her master. Her mentor. Her mother.

Horror shone on her face.

The pain of that look shattered her, and she stumbled back. The back of her legs hit the edge of the platform and she dropped to her butt.

Tahiri spoke again, though her voice was pained and low. "Please come with us. We need to stop this killing."

The remaining three soldiers moved forward, putting themselves between Tahiri and Noelani.

Noelani raised her palm and looked at it, seeing a circle of cracked, blackened flesh in its very center. She blinked her eyes and looked down at Chase.

Pressing her fingers against his lips, she whispered, "I'm sorry."

Then she stood back up, and ignited her blade again.

Tahiri shook her head. "Don't do this Noelani. Take the easy way, give up."

Noelani braced herself and began pulling the Force towards her. "You should know better than that, Mom. You're the one that taught me that easy isn't for Jedi."

"You're not a Jedi anymore, and neither am I."

Noelani felt her lips part in another snarl. "Doesn't matter."

Then she launched herself forward.

In that single, smooth movement, she had propelled herself into the midst of the soldiers. Her blade flashed and the first Guard fell away in two pieces.

The third one pushed Tahiri out into the hall, and closed and locked the door, as Noelani decapitated the second.

Before the third was able to bring her weapon to bear, Noelani had shoved her own blade through the soldier's heart.

She pulled it out as the Guard dropped like a rag doll. Then she pulled her elbow back, ready to cut a hole in the door.

Asyra'mata's voice cut through the room. "Mom, he's not dead yet."

She stopped and looked down, to find his eyes, pain filled as they are staring at her.

Relief crashed back into her, and she rushed down the steps. In moments, she was once again by his side, and holding his hands. "You… you, dummy! Don't scare me like that."

A weak grin flickered over his lips. "S'ry… no ch… choi… ce…"

A hissing sound started from the top of the room, and Noelani looked that way to see a saber melting through the door. She bent down to pick him up. "C'mon, we've got to get out of here before Mom makes it through that door."

He pushed her away. "No… I stay be… hind… slow... 'er down…."

Noelani shook her head, and he waved her on, even as he gestured for Asyra'mata's thermal detonators. The Twi'lek girl passed them over, and Noelani could see the tears in her eyes.

She leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I wish you could have been my father for real."

He grinned at her, and then she stood up and went to stand behind Noelani, herding the other kids with her.

Noelani leaned closer. "Please don't do this. Come with me, I… I need you. I love you."

He shook his head. "Can't… and no time…save… kids…."

Her tears falling once again, Noelani leaned down and kissed him. Then she stood up and walked toward the door. Her back was ramrod straight, each step mechanical.

She reached the door to the hanger, and placed her hand on its jamb. After a moment, Asyra'mata touched her shoulder. "We need to go. That Jedi is almost through the door."

Noelani looked up, and saw the saber complete its circle. A chunk of the door fell inward as Noelani opened the door to the hanger. She pushed the kids through as Tahiri once again entered the room.

For a moment, their eyes locked, and all Noelani wanted to do was to run to her mother and be held.

All she wanted was to be comforted by someone that loved her.

What she did was step into the hanger, and allowed the door to close behind her.

She began jogging towards the Stolen Star and a few moments later a thump sounded followed by a shock wave which rattled the whole building.

Getting back to her feet, she ran faster, reaching the starship at the same time as Prilla and Jen. She quickly punched in the access code, and let out a breath as the ramp dropped.

As soon as they were all aboard, she closed the ship and ran to the cockpit, and without bothering with a preflight check, she powered the engines and weapons. Within moments, she had lifted off of the hanger deck and spun the ship around, so that she faced the still closed hanger doors.

A twin blast from the turbolasers corrected that problem for her, and then she punched the throttle forward.

The starship rocketed out of the hanger as another explosion shook the building.

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